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missmandersxoxo's favorite FMLs
by kids say the darnedest things / 07/18/2014 at 10:56pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids
by Lisa / 07/18/2014 at 4:21pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
by familyhatesme / 07/18/2014 at 12:30pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, we decided to go to an aquarium for a little family get-away. At the end was a shark viewing deck, and I leaned over the rails to get a better look. How did I find out that my glasses needed to be adjusted? They fell off and sunk right to the bottom of the shark-infested waters. FML
by Anonymous / 07/17/2014 at 11:57am / United States (Ohio) / Animals
by Is that..? / 07/16/2014 at 11:51pm / United States (Colorado) / Work
Today, I went to a market. I saw stall which had mainly animal furs and things like that. I found a rounded, furry pen and stroked my cheek with it. Wondering what it was, being so soft and oddly shaped, I checked the tag. It was kangaroo testicles. FML
by happypineapple / 07/16/2014 at 11:31pm / Australia (Queensland) / Animals
Today, while out grocery shopping with my mother, she asked me to hold a large bag of rice for her. Ten minutes later, I realized I'd been absent-mindedly stroking it the whole time, just like when I pick up my cat. FML
by Sheh / 07/16/2014 at 11:02am / Sweden / Animals
by Anonymous / 07/14/2014 at 1:45pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids
Today, I was at the mall in the food court, when some guy asked for my number. I turned him down, but I was impressed with how ballsy he was. Without thinking, I said, "I like your balls!" Half the place instantly fell silent. FML
by akaka / 07/14/2014 at 9:38am / United States (Ohio) / Love
by and god shat / 07/11/2014 at 7:38pm / United States (Oregon) / Animals
Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML
by soundslikeadumbcommentersituation / 07/11/2014 at 4:34pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
by morgan_rumm / 07/11/2014 at 4:02pm / Miscellaneous
by HeartToFart / 07/08/2014 at 7:37pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by Jack00412 / 07/08/2014 at 3:55pm / United States (New Jersey) / Animals
Today, I woke up to an old lady right outside my open window, saying "Hello in there! Are you sleepy?" I was so startled that I answered her. She screamed. Turns out she's my neighbour's elderly mother, didn't know I was in there, and was talking to my cat. FML
by ADanceWithDavos / 07/07/2014 at 11:59am / United Kingdom / Animals