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majorfacepalm

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majorfacepalm
  • Town/Country : British columbia, Canada
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 306
  • Number of comments : 14
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About majorfacepalm : Stop being a creeper

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majorfacepalm's favorite FMLs

Today, I choked on a gummy bear and ended up in the emergency room. The first thing the doctor said to me was, "Well, that must have been 'beary' uncomfortable." The entire room burst into laughter. FML

#19222956
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23688) - you deserved it (7492)

On 03/05/2012 at 7:43pm - health - by Kayla - United States

Today, my family started their own version of the Hunger Games. With farts as their ammo, they've been tackling and gassing everyone until their victim "dies" by surrendering. My house is a flatulent war zone, and I fear waking up blind. FML

#19109077
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19348) - you deserved it (1729)

On 02/18/2012 at 5:22pm - health - by district12 (man) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, my 7-year-old daughter came up to me in a noisy mall and said "boo-boo" pointing to her hand. Not paying enough attention, I kissed her hand to make her feel better. She grimaced and said "No dad, bird poo." FML

#18525865
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23362) - you deserved it (11561)

On 12/16/2011 at 4:08am - kids - by Oily (man) - New Zealand (Waikato)

Today, it's the last day of finals week. Unfortunately the only test I've passed this week is the pregnancy test I took during my lunch break in a Subway bathroom. FML

#18499980
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14435) - you deserved it (32278)

On 12/13/2011 at 12:16am - health - by LogicalMolly - United States (North Carolina)

Today, the girl I've had a crush on for years asked if I could be her "emergency gay friend". Worst part? I said yes. FML

#18425208
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23789) - you deserved it (22290)

On 12/04/2011 at 3:36am - love - by lifesucksbigtimefuys - United Kingdom (Devon)

Today, in geometry class, we were working in dead silence. Apparently my phone wasn't on vibrate, and I received 25 texts all at once, while it blasted "Hakuna Matataaaa" out of my back pocket. They weren't even texts from friends, just Facebook notifications. FML

#18417096
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9280) - you deserved it (29552)

On 12/03/2011 at 3:15am - misc - by Makala - Egypt (Al Qahirah)

Today, I was terribly nervous for my patient interview exam as a 4th year medical student. In my nervousness I learned that just because a patient is wearing a T-shirt and shorts, has a short hair cut and a moustache and is named 'Chris', it is not safe to assume that they are male. FML

#18410783
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28329) - you deserved it (3595)

On 12/02/2011 at 9:40am - work - by Monday (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, after three days of getting stared at by my neighbour from the window, I realized that she wasn't alive anymore. FML

#18406735
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37672) - you deserved it (2853)

On 12/01/2011 at 9:02pm - health - by unknown52 - Netherlands (Overijssel)

Today, my house was broken into. How? My mom left a key under a flower pot on the porch. She also left a note on the door saying so. He stole all of my guitars. FML

#18404759
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29602) - you deserved it (2194)

On 12/01/2011 at 5:00pm - misc - by Aaron -

Today, our school started an anti-bullying policy, and we watched a video about bullying. After the video, I told a teacher about a bullying case going on that I know about. His response? "Tell someone who cares" as he walked away chuckling. FML

#18400111
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27078) - you deserved it (2923)

On 12/01/2011 at 12:01am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was helping first-graders do school work when one of them stabbed me in the face with a pencil, all because I told her that a three was backwards. FML

#18396492
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26072) - you deserved it (2886)

On 11/30/2011 at 6:46pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I got a round brush stuck in my hair so badly that I couldn't get it out for 45 minutes, and had a panic attack. I had to drive through town with a brush dangling from my head, to the hair salon, and listen to them laugh while they got it out. FML

#18394314
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17781) - you deserved it (7574)

On 11/30/2011 at 2:25pm - misc - by maggie (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got a round brush stuck in my hair so badly that I couldn't get it out for 45 minutes, and had a panic attack. I had to drive through town with a brush dangling from my head, to the hair salon, and listen to them laugh while they got it out. FML

#18394314
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17781) - you deserved it (7574)

On 11/30/2011 at 2:25pm - misc - by maggie (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, at my job as a waitress, I fell, landed on my ass, managing not to spill the drinks or drop the food in my hands. A little boy yelled "NINJA WAITRESS!" Every one at work has been calling me that all day, and purposely been trying to trip me to see if I could do it again. FML

#18390822
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33490) - you deserved it (5165)

On 11/30/2011 at 12:39am - work - by immy504 - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I discovered that you should always unplug the electric mixer before licking the beaters. FML

#18384979
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8245) - you deserved it (53526)

On 11/29/2011 at 12:21pm - misc - by seanjohn268 (man) - Canada



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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

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