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Offline (the 09/12/2016 at 8:14am)



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 5 December 1994 (21 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1028
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 11 posted

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lexrawrzums's page activity

Visits<b>holymacabre</b> - the 04/14/2016 at 12:31am<b>misslysiak</b> - the 08/29/2015 at 7:00am<b>haylburg</b> - the 08/19/2015 at 2:41pm<b>Sobe_1900</b> - the 08/19/2015 at 2:38pm<b>Yadiloh52</b> - the 08/19/2015 at 12:23pm<b>ohmissjane</b> - the 08/19/2015 at 11:46am<b>insulinshot</b> - the 04/01/2015 at 3:01pm<b>ToastedSyrup</b> - the 07/11/2014 at 11:29pm

lexrawrzums's FML badges

Profile completed

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The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

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lexrawrzums's favorite FMLs

Today, at the gym, some muscle head idiot started yelling at the treadmill for not going fast enough, and I muttered "roid rage". Apparently said roids give him superhuman hearing, because he heard me from the other side of the room, and threatened to kill me. FML

by juggalomurderer59 / 11/12/2014 at 11:00am / United States / Health

Today, after my shower, I went to clear off my fogged-up mirror. Doing so, I noticed a handprint on it. I compared it to my hand, but it was much too small. I live alone. FML

by spooked / 11/05/2014 at 3:44pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried to propose to my girlfriend, but I was so nervous that I had a panic attack, fainted and split my head open. My girlfriend then fainted at the sight of the blood. An onlooker had to call an ambulance for both of us. FML

by Anonymous / 10/18/2014 at 9:23pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, my boss discovered that I'm prone to random fainting, due to hypoglycemia. He has now nicknamed me "fainting goat" and makes relentless bleating noises every time he sees me. FML

by thecaptainmorgan / 10/12/2014 at 12:04am / United States (Oklahoma) / Work

Today, I was sitting on a bench at the local park, eating a banana. A guy old enough to be my grandfather walked by, turned to look at me, then said "Young man, I wish I were that banana." He walked away, and I almost blacked out choking on it in shock. FML

by Operation Yewtree here I come / 09/26/2014 at 4:40pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband felt dishonoured: his darling little girl, the love of his life, whom he's always considered pure, turns out to be pregnant. He's now warned her: she's grounded and that whoever did this to her had better not come hanging round the house. Pussy, two years old, is now housebound until her kittens are born. FML

by Anonyme / 09/26/2014 at 2:56am / France (Lorraine) / Animals

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex in the early hours of the morning. He said "Morning sex is the best thing to wake up to." Without thinking, I responded "Yeah, unless you're in prison." He lost his erection due to laughing so hard and now can't look at me without laughing. FML

by RuinedTheMood / 09/21/2014 at 1:11am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I asked my dad to take me to the store so I could get some feminine hygiene products. When we got there, he went running down the aisles yelling, "Help! My daughter's bleeding to death! Where're the tampons?!" FML

by tbree / 09/19/2014 at 6:38pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I learned that while other people drunk call their exes, I drunk adopt cats. Seven cats, to be exact. FML

by cat lady / 08/30/2014 at 7:56am / Norway (Rogaland) / Animals

Today, I got my wisdom teeth removed. All I can remember is crying to my mom because I thought spoons were taking over the world. FML

by KristaAaronn / 08/27/2014 at 8:24am / United States (Tennessee) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I told my husband that I'm jealous of all the other girls whose husbands always take pictures of them together and post them online. He responded by posting a picture of himself, with me on the toilet in the background, captioned "The bitch on the pot." FML

by Anonymous / 08/19/2014 at 2:16pm / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, I found out my girlfriend has been cheating on me. When I told my sister, she just smiled, held up a closed fist, and said "Look at the number of fucks I give!" She then raised a finger, said "Oops. Finger spasm!" then lowered it again. FML

by meltdowninrels / 08/15/2014 at 6:09pm / New Zealand (Wellington) / Love

Today, I saw a customer at the restaurant I work at lovingly petting his cheeseburger and whispering sweet promises to it. FML

by weirded out / 08/10/2014 at 10:22pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, my boss pretty much told me that I'm too ugly to meet clients, and should stay in the office doing the paperwork. So basically, I'm a modern day Hunchback of Notre Dame. FML

by Anonymous / 08/08/2014 at 2:13am / Singapore / Work

Today, I asked my 8-year-old daughter to kill a house spider for me. I am a 42-year-old man. FML

by ihatespiders / 08/05/2014 at 8:31am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Kids