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johnson1995

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johnson1995
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  • Number of visits : 73
  • Number of comments : 7
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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johnson1995's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out that the only way I can convince my husband to start working out is by convincing him that we are training for when the "zombie outbreak" happens. FML

#19862258
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18116) - you deserved it (3179)

On 06/28/2012 at 7:44pm - misc - by zombieguyswife (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was so out of it from a lack of sleep and an accidental antihistamine overdose, I tried to offer my cat a cup of tea, and actually got pissed off when he didn't reply. It took me a good five minutes to understand what just happened. FML

#19817936
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20008) - you deserved it (5500)

On 06/20/2012 at 10:09am - animals - by anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that if you whistle Christmas carols while shitting in a public bathroom, a little boy might just look under the stall to see if Santa is pooping. FML

#19784207
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12022) - you deserved it (22132)

On 06/13/2012 at 9:17pm - misc - by ww2freak - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was talking on the phone to my crush so I went into the bathroom for some privacy. My drunk mother started banging on the door, asking what I was doing in there. I told her that I was on the phone, so she yelled super loud, "While you're shitting?" He immediately hung up. FML

#19740850
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17982) - you deserved it (2514)

On 06/05/2012 at 9:19pm - love - by whyme27 (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my wife made my hand bleed by stabbing it with a fork. I'd only tried to take some fries from her plate. FML

#19595631
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12851) - you deserved it (25992) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 05/08/2012 at 11:48pm - misc - by Mouhahaa (man) - France

Today, I heard the ice cream truck. Being the idiot that I am, I ran down the steps and almost immediately fell down them. I needed four stitches. I didn't even get my ice cream. FML

#19594903
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15447) - you deserved it (7689)

On 05/08/2012 at 9:59pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, against my wishes, my son snuck out of my house to go partying. When he came home, I called him in so I could properly discipline him. While I was talking, he staggered to our fish tank, pulled open the lid, and vomited straight into it. FML

#19592995
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23488) - you deserved it (4431)

On 05/08/2012 at 4:48pm - kids - by A-64 (man) - Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest)

Today, my boyfriend and I were trying to have intercourse for the first time. One minute into it, he got nervous and farted. What's worse is that his fart scared him, and he asked "What was that?" FML

#9407867
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30205) - you deserved it (5505)

On 03/26/2010 at 7:58pm - intimacy - by Haley. - United States (Arizona)



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