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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 5 April 1994 (22 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 5162
  • Number of comments : 712
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 9 posted

About instnt1nfction : Bite the pillow, I'm going in dry.

instnt1nfction's page activity

Visits<b>Bowery</b> - the 10/12/2016 at 4:33pm<b>alexjoseph5575</b> - the 09/24/2016 at 11:34pm<b>Cyrus00</b> - the 09/08/2016 at 4:16pm<b>URBeingLied2</b> - the 08/18/2016 at 9:50am<b>Infamous_Pickle</b> - the 08/06/2016 at 10:14pm<b>ImKimitheEmo</b> - the 07/30/2016 at 8:48am<b>bolee997</b> - the 07/27/2016 at 11:32pm<b>IsathatSo</b> - the 07/13/2016 at 3:47pm<b>28actress</b> - the 06/06/2016 at 8:51am<b>Nicholas12</b> - the 06/05/2016 at 10:52pm<b>Bquillero16</b> - the 05/27/2016 at 12:28am<b>TonierShadow</b> - the 04/28/2016 at 6:37am<b>Farklez</b> - the 04/05/2016 at 8:08pm<b>BlackRosey_</b> - the 03/28/2016 at 10:26pm<b>jamjam276</b> - the 03/17/2016 at 6:27pm<b>catchmypanties</b> - the 03/13/2016 at 11:38am<b>ragnarok1540</b> - the 03/09/2016 at 9:27pm<b>courtly25</b> - the 03/02/2016 at 4:36pm

Fucked!<b>ImKimitheEmo</b> - the 07/30/2016 at 2:48pm<b>Nicholas12</b> - the 06/06/2016 at 4:52am<b>ragnarok1540</b> - the 10/24/2015 at 1:30am<b>crackfetus420</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 2:30pm<b>FusionPlacebo</b> - the 06/19/2015 at 3:33pm<b>Zach____smith</b> - the 05/22/2015 at 4:20pm

instnt1nfction's FML badges

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

See all of instnt1nfction's badges

instnt1nfction's favorite FMLs

Today, at work in a nursing home, I had to kill imaginary dogs in the lunch room, because they were evil and trying to eat everyone. This started with just one person seeing them, to all 30 of them screaming and freaking out. I spent 45 minutes killing imaginary dogs. FML

by justlittleoldme / 07/25/2012 at 5:05pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Work

Today, an old guy approached me and asked if I had ever seen an elephant with white ears. I shook my head. He then pulled the pockets out of his shorts and whipped out his sex nose. FML

by Anonymous / 07/12/2012 at 2:40am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I saw a large spider carry away the body of a dead spider in the bathroom. In my anthropology class, we learned one of the first signs of civilization is caring for the dead. First, they become civilized, and next, they take over. I will never sleep again. FML

by BloodFaerie / 06/30/2012 at 2:49am / United States (Georgia) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I came home from a knee surgery. I asked my mother to get me a glass of water. She replied, "You can get it, you're not crippled. Oh wait, yeah you are" and laughed hysterically. FML

by crippy / 06/26/2012 at 1:01am / United States / Health

Today, a homeless man tried to sell me a "magic, one-finger glove". It was a used condom. FML

by Anonymous / 06/24/2012 at 10:17am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML

by 16590 / 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm / Sweden / Transportation

Today, my identical twin sister's boyfriend walked over to me, and whispered in my ear, "I know what you look like naked." FML

by creeped out / 06/12/2012 at 2:28pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked my girlfriend why she never lets me in her house. She stared blankly and said, "What is inside is not for thine eyes." I told her best friend about this creepiness later on. She sighed and said, "T'was not for mine eyes either. I didst fail to listen." I feel like I'm losing my mind here. FML

by amidreaming?? / 06/11/2012 at 5:45pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Love

Today, I walked in on my mother stroking my cat and murmuring, "Don't worry, kitty. One day, you and I... we will rule." FML

by Scared / 06/04/2012 at 8:54pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals

Today, I almost got kidnapped. Again. FML

by gonavybeatarmy / 05/31/2012 at 1:28am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was in the hospital with rib injuries after being rear-ended by a truck. The doc said, "Well, you'll probably feel like you've been hit by a truck for a while." Everyone laughed, except me. When I said he was being insensitive, he replied, "Calm down, I'm just ribbing you." FML

by ...... / 05/16/2012 at 6:29pm / United States / Health

Today, I found out that of the three medications I am taking for depression, one causes weight gain, one causes severe weight gain, and one "might cause weight gain." FML

by Anonymous / 04/28/2012 at 11:00pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, I had my headphones on while on the bus. I didn't realize how loud the music was till the woman sitting next to me punched me for changing her favorite song and then "ignoring her" when she asked me to put it back. FML

by Anonymous / 04/28/2012 at 12:41am / United States / Transportation

Today, while at work, a man grabbed my beard, said it was impressive, and then uttered the words, "I love you." FML

by foshizzle / 04/25/2012 at 2:46am / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I found out I have a kidney infection. Now I'm forced to drink at least 4 glasses of water before going to bed. I also have to be woken up every two hours to be told to, "GO PEE BEFORE YOU DIE!" by my mother. FML

by hottygirl905 / 04/24/2012 at 7:50am / United States (Florida) / Health