iitzsully

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Offline (the 10/02/2015 at 9:14pm)

iitzsully

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 150
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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iitzsully's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Mobility

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iitzsully's favorite FMLs

Today, my new boyfriend with whom I'm completely smitten called me and told me he had an early Valentine's Day gift for me. Gonorrhea. FML

by Yupppp. / 02/11/2015 at 1:25am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I drove my dad to Walmart to do some shopping. His leg is still in a cast after an accident, so I helped him to the last mobility scooter. A guy whose only disability was clearly Fat-Fuck Syndrome then yelled at us, claiming he needed it more and that my dad was a faker. FML

by Elrond Hubbard / 01/24/2015 at 2:25pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I found three of my sister's dildos as I helped her unpack boxes for her new house. Jokingly, I said, "Why would you even need three?!" She actually explained. FML

by sisterlylove / 01/10/2015 at 2:02pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy

Today, I got home and found my wife cuddling with the dog and our new kitten. Both the cat and my wife hissed at me when I tried to join in. FML

by Anonymous / 11/13/2014 at 9:14pm / United States (Georgia) / Animals

Today, as I was walking home from work, I got chased halfway home by a wolf. Yes, a wolf. I live in central Norway. FML

by noxiffic / 10/31/2014 at 8:31am / Norway (Rogaland) / Animals

Today, my boyfriend gave his penis a high five for not getting me pregnant. He does this every time I get my period. Every. Single. Time. FML

by highfive / 10/16/2014 at 9:27pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, coming home, I opened up my door to find my drunk boyfriend trying to teach our three baby parakeets to perch on his erect penis. FML

by facepalm / 10/15/2014 at 7:36pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, my drunk husband came home, got into bed, and started humping the body pillow. He ended up whining about how I hadn't come yet, then angrily slurred that I must be cheating on him. All I could do was stay quiet and wonder how the idiot even made it home alive. FML

by tw@ / 09/28/2014 at 11:30am / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Intimacy

Today, I was having sex with this amazingly hot guy. Things got pretty intense, and right as I was about to orgasm, the gold crucifix came flying off his necklace and sliced my eyelid open. Message received. Well played, God. FML

by Sinnersinner / 09/21/2014 at 7:27am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my 4 year old son groped my breasts and said, "This is what daddy told me to do." FML

by Anonymous / 09/17/2014 at 5:57pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids

Today, my coworkers and I were comparing the backgrounds we have on our phones. They pretty much sum up our love lives; everyone else's background is a photo of their boyfriend or girlfriend. Mine's a photo of a lifeless desert. FML

by Fennec / 08/11/2014 at 3:05pm / Love

Today, I was watching my 3 year old brother. He asked me to get him a cookie and I said, "What's the magic word?" He looked at me angrily and said "Bitch, please." FML

by WickedRene / 08/01/2014 at 9:57pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I was driving my 7-year-old daughter to school, when out of nowhere a bird smashed into the windshield. Instead of screaming or being traumatized by the gore like me, my daughter started laughing, eventually calling the bird a "stupid bastard". FML

by Anonymous / 06/27/2014 at 4:22pm / Spain (Comunidad Valenciana) / Animals

Today, my older brother managed to convince my younger sister that she's actually a boy, and that she'll soon be getting a penis in the mail, which she excitedly told everyone she could. He convinced me of the exact same thing as well several years ago. FML

by Anonymous / 06/14/2014 at 2:42am / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Kids

Today, I had a wonderful dream where I got married to the perfect guy, then had the best sex of my life on a beautiful honeymoon. The only problem is that my "husband" was the snowman from Frozen, and that I got sad when I realized it was just a dream. FML

by Anonymous / 05/16/2014 at 5:07pm / United States / Love