goldenturtlez

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Offline (the 11/10/2014 at 6:52am)

goldenturtlez

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 15 November 1990 (25 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 683
  • Number of comments : 33
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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goldenturtlez's page activity

Visits<b>aliceaudrey1997</b> - the 02/22/2016 at 3:28am<b>cherrio27</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 10:32pm<b>NothernNightmare</b> - the 06/14/2014 at 3:04am<b>ervnomyous</b> - the 01/25/2014 at 11:39pm<b>Dadothy</b> - the 12/31/2013 at 12:37pm<b>Thursdayxo</b> - the 10/18/2013 at 8:39pm<b>Shleebs</b> - the 10/18/2013 at 12:01pm<b>pixiebubz</b> - the 10/02/2013 at 10:49am<b>dzhonatan</b> - the 10/02/2013 at 12:46am<b>Much2Much4U</b> - the 10/01/2013 at 11:44pm<b>monkeycrutch</b> - the 10/01/2013 at 8:26pm<b>hghrider123456</b> - the 10/01/2013 at 6:37pm<b>graceinsheepwear</b> - the 10/01/2013 at 6:00pm<b>ninjalovin</b> - the 10/01/2013 at 3:52pm<b>german_boy97</b> - the 10/01/2013 at 1:36pm<b>dawnimus</b> - the 10/01/2013 at 1:28pm<b>snugglesMcGee199</b> - the 09/26/2013 at 12:16am<b>martin8337</b> - the 09/21/2013 at 1:31pm

goldenturtlez's FML badges

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

The rules are the rules

Reading the comment rules is a really good idea. This badge is sponsored by our moderating team.

See all of goldenturtlez's badges

goldenturtlez's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend's dad said he'd given my boyfriend £100 to take me out for a meal last night and he hoped I'd enjoyed it. Last night my boyfriend and I went to pizza hut, shared a pizza and split the bill. Turns out my boyfriend had simply pocketed the money without telling anyone. FML

by hmmm / 10/01/2013 at 8:32am / United Kingdom (Leicester) / Love

Today, my sex-crazed ex wrote me a letter so bad, it haunts me that I let a guy with such terrible grammar skills touch my boobs. FML

by whatdoesitmatter / 10/01/2013 at 6:47am / India (Tamil Nadu) / Intimacy

Today, I walked in on my roommate whacking off to clown porn. FML

by Anonymous / 09/25/2013 at 5:33pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, I had a dream in which I was playing tennis. As I hit a powerful serve, I suddenly woke up due to having slapped myself in the face. FML

by Grand Slam / 09/10/2013 at 2:44pm / Belgium (Vlaams-Brabant) / Miscellaneous

Today, while at the zoo, I found out that the rhinos there can pee backwards, while standing directly behind one. FML

by Are you kidding me? / 09/09/2013 at 4:51pm / United States (Kansas) / Animals

Today, my 17-year-old son hacked off the legs of his bed with a saw. His explanation? "The bed looks cooler closer to the floor." FML

by Anonyme / 09/06/2013 at 7:56am / France (Basse-Normandie) / Kids

Today, I'm a police officer who had the honor of arresting my girlfriend of 3 months for prostitution. All of my coworkers at the station know her and won't stop giving me judging looks. FML

by single again / 09/05/2013 at 8:29pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I went to college, where I'm studying for my dream job. Despite getting up at 5am to catch the earliest bus into town, I arrived ten minutes late. My professor knows my circumstances, but is still threatening to kick me off the course if I don't "arrive on time like everyone else." FML

by Anonymous / 09/05/2013 at 4:28pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that if I say "make a sandwich", it doesn't matter what context it's in, or whether it's a command or just me describing my day; I'll be yelled at anyway by my hipster roommate for being a "sexist cunt", then end up apologizing just to get her to shut up. FML

by Anonymous / 09/05/2013 at 3:11pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got home from work and found my dog missing. When I asked my neighbor if she saw what happened, I saw my dog sleeping on her couch. She tried to say it was hers. FML

by GotMyBitchBack / 09/05/2013 at 7:02am / United States (Ohio) / Animals

Today, I came home to find my housemate cowering in the lounge corner, sobbing, hugging a bag of chips while the automatic vacuum cleaner gently bumped into him. Apparently he "mistakenly" put magic mushrooms in his sandwich instead of peanut butter. FML

by down trodden / 09/05/2013 at 3:45am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend took me to a very elegant and expensive restaurant to celebrate our anniversary. When it came to the check, I volunteered to pitch in half, which he rejected by saying "I got it". Little did I know was that "I got it" was short for "I got your credit card". FML

by IGOTIT / 09/05/2013 at 3:24am / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I spent a large portion of the afternoon playing hide and seek with the door-to-door salesman who saw me sneak in the back door and won't stop knocking. No amount of hiding behind the couch will make him go away. FML

by my back hurts / 09/04/2013 at 1:25am / Australia (South Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 16-year-old brother managed to convince my 22-year-old boyfriend that I breastfeed my pet parrot. FML

by Anonymous / 08/13/2013 at 12:51pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, after placing it on top of the stove, my hot tray of freshly-baked cookies slipped. I caught it, though. With my bare hand. FML

by cookiemonster / 08/13/2013 at 12:10pm / South Africa (Gauteng) / Miscellaneous