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goldenturtlez

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goldenturtlez
  • Town/Country : aurora, Colorado
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 15 November 1990 (23 years)
  • Number of visits : 132
  • Number of comments : 33
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

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goldenturtlez's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend's dad said he'd given my boyfriend £100 to take me out for a meal last night and he hoped I'd enjoyed it. Last night my boyfriend and I went to pizza hut, shared a pizza and split the bill. Turns out my boyfriend had simply pocketed the money without telling anyone. FML

#20903132
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43555) - you deserved it (3379)

On 10/01/2013 at 8:32am - love - by hmmm (woman) - United Kingdom (Leicester)

Today, my sex-crazed ex wrote me a letter so bad, it haunts me that I let a guy with such terrible grammar skills touch my boobs. FML

#20903082
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37861) - you deserved it (9363)

On 10/01/2013 at 6:47am - intimacy - by whatdoesitmatter (woman) - India (Tamil Nadu)

Today, I walked in on my roommate whacking off to clown porn. FML

#20895842
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48138) - you deserved it (5858)

On 09/25/2013 at 5:33pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I had a dream in which I was playing tennis. As I hit a powerful serve, I suddenly woke up due to having slapped myself in the face. FML

#20875790
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40756) - you deserved it (6020)

On 09/10/2013 at 2:44pm - misc - by Grand Slam (man) - Belgium (Vlaams-Brabant)

Today, while at the zoo, I found out that the rhinos there can pee backwards, while standing directly behind one. FML

#20874616
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36176) - you deserved it (3501)

On 09/09/2013 at 4:51pm - animals - by Are you kidding me? - United States (Kansas)

Today, my 17-year-old son hacked off the legs of his bed with a saw. His explanation? "The bed looks cooler closer to the floor." FML

#20870098
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35764) - you deserved it (4267) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 09/06/2013 at 7:56am - kids - by Anonyme - France (Basse-Normandie)

Today, I'm a police officer who had the honor of arresting my girlfriend of 3 months for prostitution. All of my coworkers at the station know her and won't stop giving me judging looks. FML

#20869348
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44983) - you deserved it (4524)

On 09/05/2013 at 8:29pm - love - by single again - United States (California)

Today, I went to college, where I'm studying for my dream job. Despite getting up at 5am to catch the earliest bus into town, I arrived ten minutes late. My professor knows my circumstances, but is still threatening to kick me off the course if I don't "arrive on time like everyone else." FML

#20869057
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36334) - you deserved it (6747)

On 09/05/2013 at 4:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found out that if I say "make a sandwich", it doesn't matter what context it's in, or whether it's a command or just me describing my day; I'll be yelled at anyway by my hipster roommate for being a "sexist cunt", then end up apologizing just to get her to shut up. FML

#20868968
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34454) - you deserved it (4921)

On 09/05/2013 at 3:11pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I got home from work and found my dog missing. When I asked my neighbor if she saw what happened, I saw my dog sleeping on her couch. She tried to say it was hers. FML

#20868590
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45992) - you deserved it (2406)

On 09/05/2013 at 7:02am - animals - by GotMyBitchBack - United States (Ohio)

Today, I came home to find my housemate cowering in the lounge corner, sobbing hysterically, hugging a bag of chips while the automatic vacuum cleaner gently bumped into him. Apparently he "mistakenly" put magic mushrooms in his sandwich instead of peanut butter. FML

#20868509
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36088) - you deserved it (2463)

On 09/05/2013 at 3:45am - misc - by down trodden (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, my boyfriend took me to a very elegant and expensive restaurant to celebrate our anniversary. When it came to the check, I volunteered to pitch in half, which he rejected by saying "I got it". Little did I know was that "I got it" was short for "I got your credit card". FML

#20868496
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40344) - you deserved it (2922)

On 09/05/2013 at 3:24am - misc - by IGOTIT (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I spent a large portion of the afternoon playing hide and seek with the door-to-door salesman who saw me sneak in the back door and won't stop knocking. No amount of hiding behind the couch will make him go away. FML

#20867080
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34425) - you deserved it (6481)

On 09/04/2013 at 1:25am - misc - by my back hurts - Australia (South Australia)

Today, my 16-year-old brother managed to convince my 22-year-old boyfriend that I breastfeed my pet parrot. FML

#20835369
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46143) - you deserved it (4662)

On 08/13/2013 at 12:51pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after placing it on top of the stove, my hot tray of freshly-baked cookies slipped. I caught it, though. With my bare hand. FML

#20835323
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38057) - you deserved it (5651)

On 08/13/2013 at 12:10pm - misc - by cookiemonster (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)



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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

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