About eggmarie : I'm Erika, I'm 20, and you probably shouldn't take me seriously.
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Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
eggmarie's favorite FMLs
Today, my over-protective husband went into an extreme fit of jealousy at the sight of me breast-feeding our newborn baby boy. He's trying to make me bottle-feed our boy, because apparently it's "wrong" to let another guy touch my boobs. FML
by wife of a shithead / 07/06/2012 at 1:44pm / Norway (Oslo) / Love
Today, my wife, who is four months pregnant, burst into tears while thinking about the armchair in our living room that we never use. According to her, we're stopping it from living out its destiny as an armchair. FML
by FauteuilEver Alone / 07/05/2012 at 4:11am / France / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/05/2012 at 12:01am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by nobrony / 07/02/2012 at 3:53pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by zombieguyswife / 06/28/2012 at 7:44pm / United States (Missouri) / Health
Today, I found out that the phone number I switched to, used to host an amateur phone sex hotline. I found this out after getting several calls by teenagers, who sounded as if they were masturbating even as I yelled that they had the wrong number. FML
by Anonymous / 06/26/2012 at 5:10pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I brought my girlfriend home for dinner. The first words out of my dad's mouth were apparently, "Ah, you must be Dan's slam-piece." I was in the living room and didn't quite catch it all, but I said, "She certainly is!" Now I'm single, and all my friends think I'm a bastard. FML
by igiveup / 06/21/2012 at 2:19pm / United States / Love
by really / 06/21/2012 at 1:30am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML
by DwarfFrog / 06/18/2012 at 7:38am / United States / Miscellaneous
by latino14 / 06/15/2012 at 7:27am / United States (Maryland) / Health
by a chick in California / 06/14/2012 at 4:10pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 06/02/2012 at 6:24am / United Kingdom (Northamptonshire) / Intimacy
by jemila / 05/31/2012 at 9:14pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I met up with my dad after having worked abroad for the past six months. Apparently, during that time he's had a mid-life crisis or been snorting a few too many turds, because he's now some sort of hippie calling himself "Memnoch of Pleiades". FML
by wtf / 05/30/2012 at 5:34pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, I asked a customer to send me via e-mail the image he wanted me to print. He said, "I don't…
- Today, I found out that the neighborhood call-girl my husband and I secretly joke about is the same… Today, my fiancée called off our wedding, because she found out I had sex with another woman. Three… Today, my boyfriend took me to get the abortion that we both agreed on. He was being so supportive…