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davered89's favorite FMLs
by oh my fucking god / 07/10/2014 at 9:34am / United Kingdom (Derby) / Love
Today, I took my laptop to I.T. to fix my internet. Only after I left did I realise my memory technique for remembering the stages of mitosis (Iraqi penis man anally transmits chlamydia) was left as a sticky note on my desktop. The guy definitely noticed. FML
by interphaseprophasemetaphase / 09/04/2013 at 7:18am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was working at the local liquor store. An obviously drunk girl stumbles in, grabs two cases of beer and puts them on the counter. Then she grabs a pregnancy test, pees on it right there, shows me, and says, "I'm not pregnant, I want beer." FML
by viviham / 05/04/2012 at 8:08am / United States (Texas) / Work
by jjs51 / 01/23/2012 at 5:36pm / United States / Transportation
Today, my girlfriend who I love very deeply dumped me two times, over the phone. The first time was to dump me. She then called me back a couple hours later explicitly to dump our friendship. I was just friend dumped. FML
by musicyman55 / 12/19/2009 at 2:48am / United States (California) / Love
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- Today, I grabbed my gf's moms tits from behind while grinding against her butt. My gf won't believe… Today, I told my mom about my recent tubal ligation. Instead of the verbal beatdown I expected over… Today, I came home from work to find that my pet cat had completely shredded the curtains that my…