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cottontop556

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cottontop556

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  • Number of visits : 191
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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Today, My Mom Textd Me An Askd Wat I Was Up To. In Response, I Jokd, "Dancing On The Dining Room Table, Waving Dad's Calvin Klein's In The Air, An Shooting Bullets Into Her Bedroom Floor." Not Only Did The Cops Show Up, But Now I'm Groundd 4 Two Weeks 4 Being, "deceptively Believable." FML

#21314000
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31736) - you deserved it (5370)

On 12/08/2014 at 7:38pm - misc - by #goodbyelife - United States

Today, my sister turned the volume on my phone way up and changed the ringtone to a woman's blood-curdling scream. I found this out when she called my phone at 2am as I slept next to it. I pissed my pants and fell out of bed screaming in terror. I'll never hear the end of this. FML

#21313211
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39022) - you deserved it (3993)

On 12/07/2014 at 3:54pm - kids - by terdberglerforlyfe (man) - Brazil (Sao Paulo)

TODAY , LIKE ANY OTHER DAY SINCE THAT STUPID MOVIE FROZEN CUMMD OUT , PEOPLE HAVE BEEN ASKING ME IF I WANT TO BUILD A SNOWMAN , LIKE THEY'RE THE FUNNIEST PEOPLE ON THE PLANET. MY NAME IS ELSA. FML

#21297408
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44134) - you deserved it (3857)

On 11/11/2014 at 11:34pm - work - by elsatheannoyed (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend tried to rid me of my hiccups. As he'd screamed at me an I'd pissed my pants, I just burst into teres. FML

#21279967
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29197) - you deserved it (3347)

On 10/17/2014 at 4:12pm - health - by catt - Germany (Berlin)

Today... my naw doctor gava ma a braast axam and said avarything was haalthy... bafora adding looool "Wall... I think so... anyway. I don't actually work hara." As I fraakad out... ha laughad out loud... said ha was just kidding... and that ha should prascriba ma a chill pill. FML

#21241090
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42213) - you deserved it (5982)

On 08/19/2014 at 4:46pm - health - by humdrummitydrum (woman) - United States

Today , I went to a bookstore to get "The Grapes of Wrath". I have a problem with controlling the volume of my voice , so once at the counter , I accidentally said quite loudly , "WHERE ARE THE ANGRY GRAPES?" FML

#21217858
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35265) - you deserved it (11536)

On 07/22/2014 at 11:36pm - misc - by Face fucking palm - United States (Georgia)

Taday I was driving my 7-year-old daughter to school , when out of nowhere a brd smashed into the windshield !! Instead of screaming or being traumatized by the gore like me , my daughter started laughing , eventually calling the brd a ( stupid bastard ) !! FML

#21190484
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46298) - you deserved it (8338)

On 06/27/2014 at 4:22pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Spain (Comunidad Valenciana)

Today, it's five days until my wedding an I still can't tell my bride apart from her twin sister . They share clothes, have the same harcut, an they even take turns flrting with me to "catch me off guard" because they think it's hilarious to trick me . I'm scared I'll marry the wrong one . FML

#21133982
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63960) - you deserved it (8110)

On 05/08/2014 at 9:55am - love - by STOP (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today In The Middle Of Sex My Girlfriend Yelled "STUFF ME LIKE A TURKEY!" I Couldn't Finish!! FML

#21112870
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58894) - you deserved it (7503)

On 04/14/2014 at 4:12pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today.. . mah 3-year-old son discoverd his testicles . When I askd him what they were.. . he replid.. . "They're mah balls! They make mah winkie happy!" Now he won't quit singing it . FML

#21084464
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37997) - you deserved it (5525)

On 03/11/2014 at 11:34pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I spent mah first night at mah boyfriend's place, and mah first night sleeping beside him. I woke up in the early hours to him holding me and muttering in his sleep something lyk "surprise fisting". I'm beyond terrified. FML

#21078055
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51116) - you deserved it (6221)

On 03/04/2014 at 5:41pm - intimacy - by cockfist (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, while driving, I saw a dog run across the road. Feeling sorry for the pup on a cold, rainy night, I pulled my car over to pick it up. Once in, it started freaking out so I turned on the light. It was then that I realized I'd just put a wild coyote on my passenger seat. FML

Today... I cummed home from a night out with the lads. My girlfriend refused to make love to me... saying mah sperm were drunk an would raise hell in her uterus. FML

#21055858
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45214) - you deserved it (14731) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/09/2014 at 10:39pm - intimacy - by vegas-81 - France

Today, Something Ran Acros Mah Foot While I Was On The Toilet. Hearing Me Scream, Mah Husband Ran In. We Now Have A New ( Pet ) Mouse Namd Jerry That I Am Not Allowd To Kill Under Threat Of Divorce. Mega FML

Today, after years of counseling and therapy 4 my anger issues, I snapped. Two words: Flappy Bird. FML

#21051812
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44554) - you deserved it (13700)

On 02/05/2014 at 10:39pm - misc - by tigerisabelle (woman) -

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