About aliciajuice : This website makes me feel better about my life. That is all.
aliciajuice's FML badges
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
aliciajuice's favorite FMLs
Today, in order to try and get over my slight fear of swans, I went down to the local park to feed them. One decided that I looked tastier than the bread I was throwing and chased me around the feeding area while everybody laughed. FML
by Evil_Angel_90 / 09/10/2013 at 7:36am / Australia / Animals
by anonymous / 09/09/2013 at 4:16pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by vrossie_ / 09/08/2013 at 1:56am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, a customer kept harassing me and threatening to sue me for all I'm worth because I wouldn't give her a free refill. Her reasoning was that it's "illegal" to deny people a free refill if there's still a little drink left in the cup. FML
by goshoveafuckingfrappuccinoupyourvagyoupsychocunt / 09/07/2013 at 5:43pm / United States (Virginia) / Work
by /(•'_'•)\ / 09/07/2013 at 12:59pm / United States (Missouri) / Work
Today, I used a restroom. While doing my thing, the power in my building completely went out. There was another person in the restroom making demonic noises and scratching at my stall. When the power came back on, he was gone. I think I'm being haunted. FML
by dear god help me. / 09/04/2013 at 6:46pm / United States (Hawaii) / Work
by mother to an ugly doll / 09/04/2013 at 2:10pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids
Today, I took my laptop to I.T. to fix my internet. Only after I left did I realise my memory technique for remembering the stages of mitosis (Iraqi penis man anally transmits chlamydia) was left as a sticky note on my desktop. The guy definitely noticed. FML
by interphaseprophasemetaphase / 09/04/2013 at 7:18am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, I explained to my roommate that if she kept using all of our kitchen utensils as sex toys and hoarding them because of the varying degrees of orgasms she could achieve, we wouldn't be able to cook or eat in our own house. FML
by Palindromesque / 09/04/2013 at 5:07am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by JustAnotherFML23 / 09/03/2013 at 9:32pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML
by ugh / 09/03/2013 at 7:53pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health
Today, my new creative writing teacher informed the class that we should consult him before writing anything "dark or disturbing." I only took the class because my therapist recommended that I join the class so I could freely express my darker thoughts without her help or a fear of being judged. FML
by depressed / 09/03/2013 at 5:43pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by Jasmine_smilee / 09/02/2013 at 2:47am / United States (Oregon) / Health
Today, we went boating with friends. For some reason the bottom of our tube deflated, causing me to be bounced roughly up and down on the water. As a result, I had the most intense orgasm of my entire life, while sitting 2 inches away from my dad's friend. He definitely noticed. FML
by SplishSplash / 08/31/2013 at 9:21pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, my daughter and I were driving home when our truck broke down. A police officer stopped and offered to let me and my two year old sit in his car for the A/C. When we got in, I sat her on my lap, and she pulled down my tank top and screamed "Boobies!" right in front of the officer. FML
by embarrassedmom / 08/31/2013 at 7:48pm / United States / Kids
- Today, I’m in Thailand and I met a monk. The conversation was so deep and interesting that, without… Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that… Today, I’m on vacation in Tunisia. Having trouble with the heat at night, I tried sleeping outside…