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alexup24's favorite FMLs
by kumbuck3t15 / 07/29/2012 at 4:20pm / Mexico (Baja California) / Miscellaneous
by Dammit / 07/07/2012 at 12:45am / United States (California) / Health
Today, I found out just how easy it is to be launched against the wall and sucker-punched into oblivion by a 200-pound former Marine turned professional body-builder. I discovered this after I told my fiancée's dad that we were expecting a baby. FML
by fuckjuggalos / 06/29/2012 at 7:57pm / United States (Oregon) / Health
by Anonymous / 06/24/2012 at 1:01am / United States (California) / Love
Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML
by 16590 / 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm / Sweden / Transportation
Today, I was having a debate with my friend, who actually believes karma is real. He got very angry with me and stormed off, tripping over his own feet in the process. I laughed and asked what he'd done in a past life to deserve that one. He responded by getting up and punching me. FML
by sh3n-D / 06/07/2012 at 5:26pm / Denmark (Midtjylland) / Health
Today, after having sex with my girlfriend, I jokingly held the condom above my mouth. Somehow, the condom busted, and everything went over my face. Worse still, we're now wondering just how safe this condom really was. FML
by Rob / 06/06/2012 at 12:02pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, in a rush to get my clothes back on at my girlfriend's house at the sound of her parents opening the front door, I forgot to take the condom off. Her dad watched it fall out of my pant leg and onto the kitchen floor. FML
by Anonymous / 05/31/2012 at 4:53pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 05/29/2012 at 1:50pm / Netherlands (Flevoland) / Love
Today, I spilled boiling water on my legs. A coworker told me that putting mustard on the burn would heal it. I ended up at the emergency room. When people walked by I could hear them say "it smells like hot dogs". FML
by jcdc / 05/20/2012 at 11:03am / United States (Texas) / Health
by Unhappymothersday / 05/17/2012 at 4:41pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by deewe / 05/13/2012 at 2:06am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I'm found out I'm pregnant. My husband and I spoke at length about how we were going to handle things, which included him "forbidding" me from having an epidural, because he doesn't want our baby to "come out addicted to drugs." FML
by CalyenaL / 05/12/2012 at 9:35pm / Mexico (Baja California) / Health
Today, while at work, I managed to scrape open the inside of my nose with my fingernail, drawing blood in the process. I had to quickly up an explanation for my scream that didn't go: "Well, I was scouting for boogers..." FML
by Anonymous / 05/12/2012 at 6:09pm / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Work
Today, I brought my 90-year-old grandfather into school for a project that required to bring in "a first-hand account" of the Great Depression. He started off by telling the class how in his day, they "threw rocks at black people." FML
by Class / 05/11/2012 at 7:52pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
- Today, my cross-country flight was delayed for an hour. When I finally boarded, I found out that my… Today, I found out that I cannot wear dentures because my gag reflex is too sensitive. Because of… Today, my boyfriend dumped me. One reason was because he couldn't have "intellectual conversations"…