acisking

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Offline (the 09/30/2014 at 4:20am)

acisking

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 523
  • Number of comments : 17
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About acisking : I am a freshmen!!:D woohoo!!!!

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acisking's favorite FMLs

Today, I saw my crush at the grocery store. He saw me and started walking towards me. I got so excited that I farted when he came near. FML

by Anonymous / 12/16/2012 at 7:58pm / United States / Love

Today, I was messing around with my wife. I grabbed her boobs and said, "Honk honk". Unbeknownst to me, my daughter saw it. Now my 3-year-old girl runs around honking everyone. Even her grandparents. FML

by piemasterzim / 11/21/2012 at 8:20pm / Canada / Kids

Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML

by kinkicali / 11/20/2012 at 3:43am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML

by kinkicali / 11/20/2012 at 3:43am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, my young son and I were in line at Subway. I guess he got bored and started to insult the teenage girl behind us. I tried to get him to stop, but he wouldn't listen. Eventually the girl punched him in the face and left. As my son cried uncontrollably, everyone else there clapped. FML

by Bratty son / 10/23/2012 at 12:25am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, at school, a guy walked up to me and said I look a little too young to be at high school. I told him that I'm sixteen years old. He stared at my chest for several long seconds, muttered "What the fuck?" and walked off. FML

by wtf yourself, cunt / 09/17/2012 at 7:14pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to my favorite burger joint. Upon taking the first bite of my burger, I dislocated my jaw, and the waiters had to call 911. FML

by cherknobil / 07/29/2012 at 1:15am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I was joking around with my eight-year-old son. I told him to pull my finger. I farted, then laughed. He decided to try it on his mother. When she pulled his finger, he crapped his pants. He told her I taught him how to do it. FML

by habbsrule / 06/15/2012 at 10:21am / Canada / Kids

Today, my parents grounded me for finding their stash of weed. The irony is killing me right now. FML

by ironyisabitch / 06/02/2012 at 1:43am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found a video of a school play I starred in years ago. I was ecstatic, because it's really the only memento of my childhood I have left. Unfortunately, it started with my grandpa groaning, "Ahh shit," and degenerated into him muttering over the audio about "those fucking commies." FML

by joanne / 05/29/2012 at 1:58pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my colleague yet again misused the word "literally." It's driving me insane. I have to work opposite him and hear him say things like he's just "literally shit himself inside out." FML

by Rebecca / 05/21/2012 at 10:11am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, after I spent nearly three hours building an igloo, my dog decided it would be a nice to enter it and take a shit. FML

by A / 02/09/2012 at 1:37am / United States / Animals

Today, after being in the UK for 2 months, I learned that when saying, "I'm about to blow off and kill someone", to the British "blow off" means "fart." This was pointed out to me in an open-space office after a particularly loud rant. FML

by AngerManagement / 09/29/2011 at 4:04am / United Kingdom / Work

Today, my mom decided to take away my TV after noticing that I watch the show True Blood. Apparently, since I watch this, I must be "curious about sex." I'm 19. FML

by Shelbitchh / 07/28/2011 at 5:11am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I ran out of gas while driving, and had to call a tow truck. I drive a tow truck. FML

by j / 07/25/2011 at 10:03pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation