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TheCamoWulf's favorite FMLs
by still together / 08/28/2013 at 1:47pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
Today, I went down on my boyfriend, and tried out a new trick I learned. I read in a magazine that if you hum while giving oral, it's supposed to feel good. My boyfriend started laughing and told me to stop after 30 seconds because I reminded him of his singing toothbrush. FML
by Anonymous / 08/28/2013 at 12:11pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by DefinitelyNotDogshit / 08/28/2013 at 12:06am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
Today, at soccer tryouts, the coach made us run the entire practice. I ran the whole two hours ahead of everyone. When the tryout ended, I vomited due to dehydration. I didn't make the team. The coach's reasoning: "Only the weak throw up". FML
by Anonymous / 08/27/2013 at 2:39pm / United States (New York) / Health
by crier / 08/27/2013 at 2:34pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
by outthelabyrynth / 08/27/2013 at 10:46am / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Animals
by Anonymous / 08/25/2013 at 9:28pm / United States (Georgia) / Work
by KatVanGogh / 08/25/2013 at 9:16pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals
Today, I was feeling guilty about an argument I had with my mother right before she left to go shopping. When she got back, I ran to give her a hug and tell her I loved her. Unfortunately, in the process, I knocked over and broke her new $200 vase. FML
by horrible daughter / 08/24/2013 at 6:23am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, after recently discovering that I need a bone marrow transplant, my girlfriend got tested to see if she could be a donor. When the results came back with a negative match, she blurted out, "Oh thank god." FML
by themarrowguy / 08/23/2013 at 6:06am / United States / Health
by NotInterested / 08/23/2013 at 2:23am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at the library. I had to use the restroom, where I ended up singing in bad, made-up Japanese the whole time. When I went back across the library, my brother informed me that everyone could clearly hear me. FML
by Singer_Song / 08/23/2013 at 1:04am / United States / Miscellaneous
by violated ._. / 08/22/2013 at 6:45pm / United States / Animals
Today, my computer stopped connecting to the corporate network. I know what the problem is, but our tech support is so clueless that the only thing they do is utter the dreaded words, "Did you try turning it off and back on?" Meanwhile my boss is yelling at me for not getting any work done. FML
by lord kuntface / 08/22/2013 at 5:33pm / United States (Florida) / Work
Today, it's my last day before I get my colonoscopy. I've been on a strict chicken broth and jello diet in preparation. My dad thought it would be hilarious to drag me out to one of the best restaurants in town just so I could watch everyone else eat their delicious meals. FML
by Anonymous / 08/22/2013 at 1:56pm / Philippines (Cavite) / Health
- Today, I’m in Mexico for an internship. I was at a party when a drunk guy harangued me, calling me… Today, after recently moving to Australia, I saw my first kangaroo. In the refrigerated section of… Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish…