Mortanious

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Mortanious

2Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Thursday 26 May 1983 (32 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 3702
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Mortanious's page activity

Visits<b>emo_and_supreme</b> - the 04/23/2016 at 2:16pm<b>KhaleesiDannie</b> - the 04/23/2016 at 7:45am<b>papygeorges</b> - the 03/27/2016 at 8:05am<b>GAeroNKissR</b> - the 02/15/2016 at 9:59pm<b>agostina_mc</b> - the 02/14/2016 at 10:32pm<b>mutiplyyou</b> - the 01/04/2016 at 2:38pm<b>Daniven36</b> - the 11/22/2015 at 2:45am<b>Frowny</b> - the 11/03/2015 at 9:45pm<b>Catsss</b> - the 10/28/2015 at 12:38pm<b>laurenhem</b> - the 10/21/2015 at 10:45pm<b>rolo877</b> - the 08/09/2015 at 1:08pm<b>lebanesebarbie</b> - the 08/02/2015 at 8:35pm<b>Wontonfon</b> - the 07/07/2015 at 2:56pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 05/31/2015 at 10:12pm<b>NarutoLove</b> - the 05/25/2015 at 3:16pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/05/2015 at 7:35pm<b>LoganStar4</b> - the 05/01/2015 at 7:40pm<b>missmorggan</b> - the 04/14/2015 at 9:43am

Fucked!<b>laurenhem</b> - the 10/22/2015 at 4:46am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/06/2015 at 1:35am

Mortanious's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

Mortanious's favorite FMLs

Today, I was putting my 2 year old to bed, and I began to sing to her. She reached up, put her finger over my lips, and said, "Shhh, Mommy." FML

by Anonymous / 11/19/2010 at 2:47am / Kids

Today, my cat learned how to flush the toilet while I was in the shower. His transformation from cute kitten to pure evil entity is now complete. FML

by Anonymous / 11/08/2010 at 5:55am / Turkey (Istanbul) / Animals

Today, I was cashier at work. The line came to a stop, but there was still people there. I kept saying next, but no one moved. I finally looked over the counter where there was a lady who had been standing there the whole time. She was a midget. FML

by saraleerocha / 11/02/2010 at 2:20am / Work

Today, my boyfriend described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur.' FML

by Anonymous / 10/18/2010 at 12:10am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I was given new meds, and apparently my body doesn't understand the difference between "may cause stomach upset" and "you will crap yourself as you have an orgasm while having sex with your boyfriend." FML

by Anonymous / 09/30/2010 at 9:25am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, my chemistry professor made us all leave our classroom mid-lab because the class was complaining of the smell, and he was worried that there was a gas leak from one of the Bunsen burners. There wasn't, but it's nice to know my "silent but deadly" smelled like it might actually kill. FML

by Anonymous / 09/23/2010 at 12:19pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered that if I put my ankles on my boyfriends shoulders while we are having sex, I will pee myself. FML

by noname / 09/22/2010 at 1:37am / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy

Today, I told my 3 year old daughter to behave or I'd spank her. She looked right at me and said "Bring it." FML

by Username / 09/12/2010 at 9:38pm / Kids

Today, my boyfriend questioned why I always put my shirts in the dryer right before wearing them. I told him it was because the dryer causes my shirts to regain their form and tightness. His response: "You should throw your vagina in there along with them." FML

by FYouBoyfriend / 08/30/2010 at 1:51pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, after nearly 2 years of continuous fighting in Afghanistan, my unit came home. We were booed at the airport. FML

by soldierboy / 08/29/2010 at 8:39pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was enjoying a nice shower in the morning. While I was massaging the shampoo out of my hair, I saw the gardener walking past my bathroom window, yelling "Good morning" and waving in my direction. My left boob politely waved back at him. FML

by AlexaSt2611 / 08/24/2010 at 8:08pm / Paraguay (Central) / Intimacy

Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter. I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do you have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing. FML

by Bailey / 08/22/2010 at 2:58am / United States (Nebraska) / Kids

Today, while casually sitting at a bar, a drunk biker with no teeth leaned over and tried to kiss me. I'm a sailor in the Navy, but I think I screamed like a little girl. FML

by dentallycorrect / 08/19/2010 at 1:16am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, my husband discovered that whispering anything in my ear will turn me on. He turned to me and whispered 'cheeseburger' in my ear. Unfortunately, I moaned. Now he now laughs about it with our roommate. FML

by Indigo_Kitten / 08/07/2010 at 9:05pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I got bitch-slapped by a walrus at Sea Life Park. FML

by Betchsadface / 07/13/2010 at 12:34am / United States / Animals