Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Mortanious

Search for a member

Mortanious

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Thursday 26 May 1983 (31 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 3460
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

Mortanious's page activity

Visits<b>captain_mal</b> - the 03/22/2015 at 5:25am<b>tori3700</b> - the 03/19/2015 at 2:25am<b>kjax</b> - the 02/09/2015 at 11:23am<b>gregsgirlfriend</b> - the 01/22/2015 at 8:45am<b>Oihana</b> - the 01/01/2015 at 7:22pm<b>justinccp</b> - the 12/31/2014 at 11:33pm<b>Raelthelamb</b> - the 12/13/2014 at 1:17pm<b>justdiebitches</b> - the 11/15/2014 at 2:13pm<b>ksadhera</b> - the 11/03/2014 at 9:46pm<b>oops6663</b> - the 10/25/2014 at 8:15pm<b>hope27</b> - the 09/28/2014 at 12:56am<b>Aurelian</b> - the 06/17/2014 at 1:44pm<b>Carrotop12</b> - the 06/05/2014 at 9:22pm<b>LolxMe</b> - the 05/28/2014 at 2:35am<b>beanybacca</b> - the 05/20/2014 at 5:47pm<b>Federgirl</b> - the 05/13/2014 at 9:16pm<b>Juicenub</b> - the 04/09/2014 at 7:49am<b>lil_ham1644</b> - the 03/12/2014 at 6:28pm

Mortanious's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

Mortanious's favorite FMLs

Today , I was putting mah 2 year old to bd , and I began to sing to her. She reachd up , puttd her looool finger over mah lips , and said , "Shhh , Mommy." FML

#13896400
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38384) - you deserved it (12842)

On 11/19/2010 at 2:47am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, my cat lerened how to flush the toilethile I was in the shower. His transformation from cute kitten to pure evil entity is now complete. big fat FML

#13762266
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31339) - you deserved it (5299)

On 11/08/2010 at 5:55am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Turkey (Istanbul)

Yesterday, I was cashier at work. The line came to a stop, but there was still people there. I kept saying next, but no one movd. I finally lookd over the counter where there was a lady who had been standing there the whole time. She was a midget. FML

#13684047
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34931) - you deserved it (12690)

On 11/02/2010 at 2:20am - work - by saraleerocha - Sent from mobile version

looool Yesterday, mah boyfriend described going down on me as bieng like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur.' FML

#13493485
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11902) - you deserved it (35997)

On 10/18/2010 at 12:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

today I was given new meds , and apparently my body doesn't understand te difference between "may cause stomac upset" and "you will crap yourself as you ave an orgasm wile aving sex wit yur boyfriend." FML

#13261613
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46277) - you deserved it (4981)

On 09/30/2010 at 9:25am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

2day mah chemistry professor made us all leave our classroom mid-lab because the class was complaining of the smell... and he was worried that there was a gas leak from one of the Bunsen burners. There wasn't... but it's nice to know mah "silent but deadly" smelled like it might actually kill. FML

#13169331
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10594) - you deserved it (33975)

On 09/23/2010 at 12:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

yastarday I discovarad that if I put my anklas on my boyfriands shouldars whila wa r having sax, I will paa mysalf.

#13152326
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31426) - you deserved it (12767)

On 09/22/2010 at 1:37am - intimacy - by noname - Canada (Quebec)

Today , I told ma 3 year old daugter to beave or I'd spank er. Se looked rigt at me an said "Bring it." FML

#13026235
418 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31843) - you deserved it (28442)

On 09/12/2010 at 9:38pm - kids - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, mah boyfriend questiond y I always puttd mah shirts in the dryer right before wearing them. I told him it was because the dryer causes mah shirts to regain there form an tightness. His response: "You should throw your virginia in there along with them." FML

#12822018
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41544) - you deserved it (15314)

On 08/30/2010 at 1:51pm - intimacy - by FYouBoyfriend (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, after nerely 2 yeres of continuous fighting in Afghanistan, my unit came home. We were booed at the airport. FML

#12810587
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (124380) - you deserved it (12073)

On 08/29/2010 at 8:39pm - misc - by soldierboy - United States

TODAY, I WAS ANJOYING A NICA SOWAR IN TA MORNING. WILA I WAS MASSAGING TA SAMPOO OUT OF MA AIR, I SAW TA GARDANAR WALKING PAST MA BATROOM WINDOW, YALLING "GOOD MORNING" AN WAVING IN MA DIRACTION. MY LAFT BOOB POLITALY WAVAD BACK AT IM. FML

#12726164
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14456) - you deserved it (24276)

On 08/24/2010 at 8:08pm - intimacy - by AlexaSt2611 (woman) - Paraguay (Central)

Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter!! I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do u have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing!! FML

#12677495
267 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43355) - you deserved it (12939)

On 08/22/2010 at 2:58am - kids - by Bailey - United States (Nebraska)

while casually sitting at a bar , a drunk biker with no teeth leand over an trid to kiss me . I'm a sailor in the Navy , but I think I screamd like a little grl . mega FML

#12617808
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31294) - you deserved it (4864)

On 08/19/2010 at 1:16am - misc - by dentallycorrect - United States (Illinois)

Today, my husband discoverd that whispering anything in my ear will turn me on. He turnd to me an whisperd 'cheeseburger' in my ear. Unfortunately, I moand. Now he now laughs about it with our roommate. FML

#12377816
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27534) - you deserved it (17826)

On 08/07/2010 at 9:05pm - intimacy - by Indigo_Kitten (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got looool bitch-slapped by a walrus at Sea Life Park. FML

#11841759
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38808) - you deserved it (9890)

On 07/13/2010 at 12:34am - misc - by Betchsadface - United States



Sophie Marie's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Sophie Marie's illustrated FML
  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

Friday 27 March 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: