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Kania's favorite FMLs
Today, I was walking down the stairs with my guitar in hand, singing "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" to my wife. I sang, "I don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall". Before I could say "asleep", I fell down the stairs. My wife almost pissed her pants laughing. My bum hurts. FML
by Anonymous / 05/28/2013 at 12:37pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
Today, I was trying on some shoes. As I was bending down, an old lady with a walking frame slowly approached. As she got close she whispered to me "Mmm, you've got a nice tushie." My girlfriend will not let me hear the end of it. FML
by Creeped out / 01/28/2013 at 3:14am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/03/2012 at 1:39pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 07/28/2012 at 2:29pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by anonymous / 04/05/2012 at 5:53pm / United States (Texas) / Geek
Today, my girlfriend and I agreed to tell her parents that she's pregnant. When they started freaking out, instead of dealing with the situation maturely, she went into straight-up Tard Mode and said, "It's okay, I'm not the mom." FML
by yamsterr / 03/12/2012 at 12:27pm / United States / Love
Today, my mom baked cupcakes for my visiting grandparents. Later, I saw my grandpa chowing down on them. Even later, my mom demanded to know why there were a dozen cupcake wrappers on my bed. I've essentially been framed by my own grandpa, and am now grounded for a month. FML
by why?! / 09/09/2011 at 9:57pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids
by Anonymous / 08/05/2011 at 12:18am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML
by Anonymous / 07/13/2011 at 1:02am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I was driving when a guy in a truck swerved in front of me. I didn't realize I'd sworn until I'd come to a red light and my one year old daughter yelled her own version of what I said. She now yells "Chicken in the hole!" whenever the car comes to a stop. FML
by Mommy / 06/26/2011 at 4:47pm / United States (Oregon) / Kids
by Username / 04/16/2011 at 1:14am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was on a bench enjoying the sun, when a guy comes and sits next to me. Next thing I know, he lets out a loud fart, then looks my way with pride. I stare back in shock. He then says to me, "Yeah, that just happened," and walks off. FML
by flying13 / 11/03/2010 at 3:27am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/31/2009 at 3:06am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
by sickkid / 11/23/2009 at 1:05pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, while my girlfriend and I were getting it on, she suddenly stopped and yelled "STOP!". I stopped, scared I'd hurt her. She then yelled "HAMMER TIME!" and started to dance. We never finished. FML
by Anonymous / 09/16/2009 at 1:19am / United States (Rhode Island) / Intimacy
- Today, my boyfriend figured out that he can bounce small things off of my boobs, and has been doing… Today, my dad surprised me by moving my bed (involving disassembling and reassembling it) in my new… Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He…