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KandyK16's favorite FMLs
by IDon't / 10/13/2013 at 6:49am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
Today, I figured out my 1-year-old daughter likes to dip her hand in our dogs' water bowl, and rub the water on her face. So I put the water bowl out of reach. She then figured out how to open the bathroom door and use the toilet instead. FML
by Water Daughter / 10/13/2013 at 1:51am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I went home after work with my best friend who I am also secretly in love with. We had a few drinks, were getting touchy, and one thing led to another. Before leaving, I got the courage to ask her out on a real date. Her only reply was, "I don't want to lose such a good friend." FML
by Medication / 10/12/2013 at 11:31am / United States / Intimacy
by Itsnotmeitsyou / 10/11/2013 at 2:09am / Australia / Work
Today, during a family dinner, my 5-year-old son excitedly told everyone that I let him use my "douche" last week. My parents glared at me in anger and horror, and only after they left did I find out that his brother had told him that's what my loofah is called. FML
by Lady Douche of Asscrackington / 10/10/2013 at 4:00pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
by happyturtle / 10/10/2013 at 7:27am / Croatia / Miscellaneous
by yeah hun i think insects arent animals too / 10/09/2013 at 3:51am / Germany (Sachsen) / Love
by Anon / 10/09/2013 at 1:21am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/08/2013 at 12:04pm / United States / Love
Today, my boyfriend accused me of cheating because according to him, our child does not have his hair color, eye color, or other facial features. Our son is five days old, bald and hasn't opened his eyes much. The closest thing I can probably compare him to is an old, wrinkly potato. FML
by thisguy / 10/08/2013 at 5:55am / United States (California) / Kids
by Cereal_mistress / 10/07/2013 at 2:54pm / United States (California) / Love
by Anonymous / 10/06/2013 at 12:44am / United States / Kids
Today, I realized that my dog is an evil genius. As I sat down to have a snack, he barked as if he saw someone outside. I went to check it out, but nobody was there. When I returned, I found my dog on the table finishing off my bacon sandwich. FML
by Anonymous / 10/05/2013 at 4:23pm / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Animals
Today, I was reminded that while I have a nice waist, bum and boobs, I'm unspeakably ugly. I was walking down the street when a guy wolf-whistled from behind me, and when I turned around, he visibly recoiled in disgust. FML
by british_babe / 10/05/2013 at 1:51pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous
by pancakelicious / 10/04/2013 at 7:16am / New Zealand / Intimacy
- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…
- Today, my dad met my fiancé's dad for the first time. My fiancé's dad is a cop. He had arrested my… Today, I had sex with my fiancée. My panties fell behind the bed. Later, when I went to get them, I… Today, my hormones are so screwed, I popped a boner at the sight of two grasshoppers mating and had…