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D33War12's favorite FMLs
Today, I was babysitting my neighbor's kid. We were playing in the yard, when he fell and got a small scratch on his leg. I gasp, and he takes a huge breath in and yells, "FUUUCK!!!" as loud as possible. The parents thought it was me, and the mother slapped me in the face. FML
by mandy / 04/10/2009 at 11:35am / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
Today, My family and I were in New Orleans. We passed by all of the naughty peep shows with posters of naked women everywhere on the way to dinner. At the restaurant, my dad asks me if that was the first pair of boobs I have seen. My mom butted in saying, "Nah, remember all that porn we found?" FML
by Anonymous / 04/03/2009 at 6:16pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
by rusty2020 / 03/25/2009 at 12:32pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was running to my car, slipped, and slammed my head on the car door. I started driving to the hospital because it was bleeding profusely and I was dizzy, I called my mom to tell her what had happened. She said I was grounded for "goofing off" and that she was "sick of my shit". FML
by itsgotime / 03/20/2009 at 2:11am / United States (Kansas) / Transportation
Today, I was out with my friend. My six year old daughter was also with us. While we were walking through the parking lot, my daughter asked me in a very loud voice "Mommy, does a blow job taste bad?" FML
by hala / 03/15/2009 at 10:18pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, I was eating at a restaurant in town, when this small boy starts looking at me. I simply smiled and went back to eating, only to hear out of the corner of my ear, "Daddy, why does that kids face look like that"? He said it so loud 3 tables next to us turned and looked. FML
by maximumpower / 03/14/2009 at 9:46pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, the kids I teach informed me that I had spelled my name incorrectly on the board. I looked at it and assured them that I had spelled it correctly. I'm 22 and a graduate student, they're six and mentally challenged. Guess who was right? FML
by Noname / 03/10/2009 at 11:46am / United States (New Jersey) / Work
Today, I was having birthday dinner with my girlfriend and her parents, when her Dad asked what I got her she replied "He said he was going to give me a Pearl Necklace when we get home." I realized then that my girlfriend did not know what I meant by 'Pearl Necklace.' FML
by Ethan / 03/09/2009 at 9:35am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy
by Nikkalicious16 / 02/18/2009 at 10:26am / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
by toad / 02/11/2009 at 9:06pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by nicknack22 / 02/01/2009 at 10:48am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by GavinHosler / 01/29/2009 at 4:44pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by Youknowwho / 01/17/2009 at 9:55pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, we had some family over. A nasty need to wank seized me when I saw her: my 17-year-old cousin. I went to my parents' unoccupied bedroom. My sister's baby walkie-talkie was switched on, and the whole family heard me. FML
- 1Today, it's been six months since my husband and I have miscarried our daughter who we named Hana… 2Today, I discovered, after years of being grounded for losing my belongings, that I didn't actually… 3Today, eight tornados hit the town where I live. The only person who tried to get a hold of me and…