Today, in bio class, we were studying the reproductive system. I don't like talking about this stuff, and I twitched every time my teacher said "penis" or "vagina." When I told my family, they laughed and kept repeating those words just to see me twitch. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, we had to re-live sex ed in my college biology class. Unlike in middle school, nobody giggled incessantly. However, the guy sitting next to me stared at me intensely for nearly the whole three hour lecture. FML
Today, as part of my medical anatomy course, I had to give a presentation about an STD and the effects it has on women. The class was comprised almost entirely of girls. I become extremely anxious and accidentally stated, "Vaginas are smelly" as my opening statement. FML
Today, as a natural science teacher, I was drawing a uterus on the class chalkboard. One of my students started messing around and being noisy, so I shouted, "Be quiet and check out my uterus!" FML
Today, one of my preschool students hit me in the nuts in front of my whole class. If that wasn't bad enough, the blow to my crotch instantly triggered a very audible fart. FML
Today, my teacher compared the female reproductive system to Shrek's head. Never again will I be able to watch the movies. FML
Today, I still get irrationally angry and distracted when my teacher refers to bodily functions as “poop, pee, number 1 & 2, etc.” and calls things icky. I’m literally in nursing school with an instructor who talks like Elmo. FML
Today, I was sitting in my school's crowded auditorium. When our single, abstinence-only ballsack of a Sex Ed teacher was announced to be stepping down due to being pregnant, I burst into uncontrollable laughter. My reward was aching sides and a week of detention. FML
Today, we were discussing evolution at the super-religious school I'm forced to attend. I mentioned homo sapiens, and my teacher mockingly replied, "You actually believe in homo sapiens? Hahahah!" The whole class started laughing. No, not at the teacher; at me. FML
Today, my teacher was giving a lecture about human genetics and how they are passed on to children. She projected a large picture of a baby on to the screen in the front of the room. I then joked about how this ugly baby must have some very unattractive parents. It was her baby. FML
Today, my stomach growled so loud in class that a boy sitting next to me thought his phone had vibrated. FML
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Top comments
LadyGore 12
******!
Jchicas 0
this was the only comment needed for this post
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Comments (255)
friday6700 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Grow up.
Jchicas 0
this was the only comment needed for this post
Mister_Triangle 21
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I wouldn't be so harsh on OP; some people have weird 'triggers' and sometimes people just find certain words unpalatable. Humans are strange like that
MetalxSoldier 26
I think it's safe to say, the OP is a virgin.
LookOnBrightSide 12
OP's going to have a hard time learning about plant reproduction, involving endsperm, spermatangia, the ovaries being the fruits, etc. Oh, how awkward Biology is.
ydi_4_suking 20
I think OP died a little typing penis and ****** in the fml.
gojira666 7
Boys have a penis, girls have a ******.
jojoboy 0
I expected a bunch of middle schoolers to be all over this post
teague95 16
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
57 - wait, what? Only guys have a penis. What about Lady GaGa?
jonriise18 3
I think it's safe to say, OP is twelve!
Angitia 8
I think it's safe to say she's a sole Mormon in her family... I don't blame them.
BrokenDreamer24 15
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Wow, all of you commenting on this, the first comment are all VERY ignorant, save for one or two. There are some people, like myself, who can just not stand the words 'penis' and '******'. I understand that are the words for our most intimate of places, so why does it matter so if someone is shy about those two words? Maybe it was because of how OP was raised? Maybe some of YOU should grow up, not OP.
_Oblivion_ 12
Ok so from now on everyone around you will change their word usage just so that you feel confortable. Get over it and get used to it.
AmongstTheFaces 5
I think penis is a pretty funny word.
zombicidal 11
OP should just say happiness really slow then just focus on the last half of the word til it feels normal
fuzz97 23
Grow up, #85.
chance16 0
Hahaha true
xStaciexLynnx 15
85- OP's not really shy about them. (S)he twitches and makes a huge deal every time someone says them. That is immature. It's also not from the way she was raised since she told her family and they had no problem saying the words.
TJD28 3
more like grow a pair
MoodyBlue320 11
I used to be like that, but don't be mean, people have their reasons. Something in their past could'vec aused it.
warhound_fml 0
85 you spelt "reatards" wrong in your profile while on a grammar rant. Retard, the highly derogatory word is what I think you meant.
MissHayleyJames 7
You know, those are the proper anatomical terms for them. Some of us (although I'm probably one of only a few on Fml) have jobs dealing with them. I breed horses for a living. Penis, ******, vulva, testicles, etc are words we say 1000 times on a daily basis. Get over it already.
wisese 0
85, first off, they are just words. They have no more meaning than what we humans place in them. Secondly, as already mentioned, these are the technical, anatomical terms for these body parts. Having a problem with such words is silly, and any person who has a problem with them needs to either grow up or seek professional help, because these words shouldn't bother anybody.
MissHayleyJames 7
I just have to add. It's just embarrassing if you go around the rest of your life saying stuff like "his thing" or "her hoo-ha". I have a friend that's in her late 20s to early 30s and she does that with the horses and I have to mute my phone so she can't hear me laughing my ass of at her. The other day she was on the phone checking mares for me and was saying "This one's ta-tas are starting to swell up but her hoo-ha isn't droopy yet". I about died laughing. So when people use the non anatomically correct terms for them, it makes them look ridiculous and you will get laughed at.
periwinkle95 10
If OP twitches when s(he) hears the word penis or ******, imagine what happens if s(he) actually sees one!
AllSoul 23
#128, I like you just because you breed horses.
videokid2000 10
#146 I know, right? Wait a second... OP, DON'T LOOK DOWN WHEN YOU'RE IN THE SHOWER!!!!!
OneNightStander 6
We all have one or another do who gives a sh*t
Norbury 6
I think the OP would like to know that the word "vanilla" is etymologically related to "******". Then he/she can twitch every time they get an ice-cream.
brentron 0
i was jist about to post that.……
darcimckeown 3
she'd have a seizure!
SettoFail 9
Exactly what I was going to post.
cowm1lk 1
I'm Mormon but I don't twitch when I hear words such as those.
dmadsen33 9
My words exactly.
CallMeBloo 31
Penis and ****** are perfectly acceptable medical terms. If they are serious "triggers" then she needs to see a therapist. People shouldn't have to eliminate perfectly acceptable terms because a single person is bothered by them for an arbitrary reason.
LadyGore 12
******!
ryry013 6
*twitch*
thatssomeBS 9
"Repeat after me class, penis penis penis, ****** ****** ******."
bustub2 8
This is going to affect her future job as a gynecologist.
Tsunami87 17
E=MC ******
unitedfan11 0
The ****? I wonder what would happen if you try to have sex...
CryMoreFMLs 14
We need the penis pervert from Mission Hill to give OP a call. (I sincerely hope I'm not the only person who saw that show)
MuziKMajoR 5
I wonder how difficult it was for her to type this FML haha
wlddog 14
Is it just me, or does that sound exciting? When you finally have sex, have your partner say penis over and over, turning you into a human vibrator.
greeneyedpothead 10
I know this is immature but....******!!
imustbeinsane 2
*twitch*
Cat_Daniels 6
U do realize the person above u beat u to it?
muzy 23
#65- no one likes a smartass, love...
Osito2011 9
****** ****** ******....penis penis penis
bloop0 9
Dinnington as in south Yorkshire?
ohmandapants 16
65- you do realise they posted at the exact same time don't you? Check the time.
paschale 7
For someone who doesn't like discussing 'his stuff' you really are discussing it a lot.....
GhettoXmuffin 7
... What?
ankoku 2
PENIS!! There, I fixed the comment!
Midrash 5
PENIS
ChaosAngel17 14
*twitch*
TourettesGuyFTW 25
AAAASSSSSSSSSSS!!!!
6969awesome 0
ANUS! ...no? ok...
wlddog 14
Everyone turn to page 7..... PENIS!!!
ohSNAPyall 26
Please turn to 69.
yahoowizard 16
OP best find a mute woman to lose his virginity to
proud2fly 7
I don't know what kind of sex life you have, but the words penis and ****** are rarely, if ever, uttered during mine.
NippsSlipps 10
*having sex* Girl: Put your penis in my ******! Guy: put your ****** on my penis! That's how it'd like it to go, and not just here the words '**** me'.
MissHayleyJames 7
My husband and I say penis and ****** all the time. We never say things like **** or pussy out of respect for each other.
SaturnV 25
Thank you 129 for the mental image of the very *respectful* and technically correct sex that you and your husband must have.
MissHayleyJames 7
We don't talk or act dirty to each other because it's well...dirty. We make love and are sweet and intimate with some passion thrown in. We don't have porno sex because that's just sex. We value each other and sex more than that.
sonrisapreciosa 6
GAAAYYYYYYYYY!!!!
Michaelsgirl04 9
149- thats great that you and your husband are respectful of each other but you can let loose and have fun too. It's not "porno sex" its just having some fun with your hubby(:
MissHayleyJames 7
We have plenty of fun without being like "oh you're so dirty *smack*". It's just our preference and beliefs and considering I get 2-3 orgasms each time I'd say it's working just fine for us.
fthku 13
Why are you telling anyone about this? No one asked about your sex life. Don't you think it's weird how you just volunteered that information?
yahoowizard 16
Well, if he twitches at those words, you know he won't do as well with others. He did say he didn't like to talk about the general category of the "stuff"
ninjuh_wingman 29
If you twitch whenever someone says penis or ******, i have a feeling its gonna be real hard for you to lose your virginity.
Mister_Triangle 21
Only if someone narrates the experience with the technical wordings
kez238 0
Haha "real hard"..
Wicked361 8
I couldn't help myself.... ^that's what she said...
Mitcha857 0
I have a feeling if OP gets a chance to lose their virginity and they see the opposite sex's equipment, they'll go into a full blown seizure.
turbodewsh 2
10 bucks says they seize before even getting half blown
paulo187 2
How old are you, about 7? Grow up or lead a very lonely life... YDI
Chocomaro 4
"sex...." *OP gets a heartattack*
kez238 0
*no twitch*
chrstygrl06 10
Pengina!
kez238 0
Vaginis!
LookOnBrightSide 12
Pangaea and penguins. Penis and ****** *twitch*
KunoKanashimi 3
*seizure*