Today, the extremely uncooperative client whom I'm trying to defend in court sent me a letter in which he threatened to sue me, because charging him for my services supposedly violates his "constipational rights". FML
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Today, my lawyer threatened to sue me because I can't afford his bill, which he sent to me after getting me out of a lawsuit. FML
Today, I had to explain to a potential client that I wouldn't represent him, because suing his neighbor for calling him a pansy would get us laughed out of court and likely get me disbarred. His response was to get violent and threaten to sue me for violating his civil rights. FML
Today, in court, my client ran his mouth at the judge, cursing him out and then trying to lecture him on "freedom of speech" when he was found in contempt. I don't know what it is with these nutjobs, but I wish I'd never become a public defender. FML
Today, I got a bill from my former attorney for the call he made to me begging me not to turn him in for stealing all my money and almost causing me lose my home. FML
Today, a customer kept harassing me and threatening to sue me for all I'm worth because I wouldn't give her a free refill. Her reasoning was that it's "illegal" to deny people a free refill if there's still a little drink left in the cup. FML
Today, I got a call from the county’s courthouse where I used to live saying I was being sued for fraud and expected in court to defend myself. Apparently, my ex took a loan out in my name and now I get to pay $2300 worth of legal fees and restitution to this loan company. FML
Today, I received a poorly-written letter from my asshole neighbor in which he threatened to "sew" me because my dog shat on his lawn again. I went over, asked if he needed some wool for his sewing, and told him to stop being an idiot. Now he's apparently hiring a lawyer for real. FML
Today, my boss sent me to a meeting with a client I've never met to do some damage control and renegotiate his contract. For two hours, he alternated between threatening to sue us, and making vulgar comments about raping me in his office. FML
Today, I was scheduled to fill in at the customer service counter where I work. Today was also the day that I allegedly accused a customer of being a thief, sold her a fraudulent money order, and will be sued for defamation of character. FML
Today, the deranged idiot that I am defending in court went completely nuts and told the judge that I am the guy who planned the whole armed robbery that he is on trial for. FML
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Top comments
revan546 24
'Murica
Wizardo 33
The only thing constipated here is his bloody brain, drop him and the case.
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Comments (91)
revan546 24
'Murica
jipster 11
Sue a lawyer? Oh the irony
dca101 23
OP should just tell him to avoid fiber. Then he can exercise his constipational rights all he wants.
Rommel1942 9
Only in 'murica
Wizardo 33
#13 exactly! I have a feeling only a lawyer is gonna win in that situation...
lilhellian 26
He's going to claim it's his constipational rights to win.
gun6slinger9 9
You’ve got to be kidding me. I’ve been further even more decided to use even go need to do look more as anyone can. Can you really be far even as decided half as much to use go wish for that? My guess is that when one really been far even as decided once to use even go want, it is then that he has really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like. It’s just common sense.
DracoSpirita 21
52 - I... I am at a loss here.
Rosicles 8
Whaaaaaaat? My brain hurts.
Canuck13 12
Ya, I read about 1/2 of it and had to stop because my brain was oozing out my ear. What are you talking about #52?
mif_fml 27
I love how #52 ends with, "it's just common sense."
lilhellian 26
Are you drunk or on something?
Caitie_kid 8
"Can you really be as far
Zomg_Okay 26
Google Translate. Not even once.
Caitie_kid 8
It posted before I wanted it to >:-|. Sometimes I hate this app.
groovycrazyjoe 18
can anyone elaborate what 52 is talking about and no I'm don't consider my self to be dumb
Caitie_kid 8
Damn I still couldn't get it right! My brain won't let me put random words together like that. If only I could copy paste with this app. I really wish I could save that for the next time I need something completely random to text to someone.
mely_no 9
52 comment makes more sense if you read it backwards!
MaydayParadexx 18
Shhh guys, I think it's trying to communicate with us.
purpl3fac371 5
Everyone on FML is so new. One of the older internet "phenomenons" and everyone here is "lolwut".
Mossears133 15
Go home 52, you're drunk!
gun6slinger9 9
@52 - What you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
Dairyking 8
Really, people? 52, I not understand everyone the need do feels to question why comment your. Comment was a perfectly it normal, as you and said, you "have been further even more decided to use even go need to do look more as anyone can." Obviously, English are speaking you, could and myself it not I better have said. To up you should look everyone, words with alone you because a way have. Said as you, it's just common sense!
zango1 15
52/89 - Took me a minute but I think it's an Adam Sandler reference?
Addon 8
I would just like to point out that 89 is now talking to themself
stanjohnson 11
I think it is tongue in cheek response, makse as much sense as constipated rights.
jayleensmama 14
You have 2 minutes to edit...
mr_sarcastic416 29
#52 I gave up reading after the 3rd sentence, my brain hurt way too much trying make sense of whatever it is you were trying to say
mr_sarcastic416 29
#93 it's from the movie Billy Madison
NeatNit 32
For crying out loud people!! Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like? Giyf and you should feel bad. Welcome to the internet, about damn time you arrive. *
NeatNit 32
(* my sincerest apologies if anyone is offended by this comment, I do not think any less of someone who simply hasn't come across a specific part of a specific culture.)
lousypotatoes 20
Texas... Even worse ;)
garrett1999o3 16
This thread is so long, I can say absolutely anything and get away with it: Squirrels.
skatoolaki 24
#71 Um, take a screenshot?
helen_ellexo 22
#52 What are you saying?
firefly319 7
Translation requested please.
SeepingSarcasm 7
What....but..it's, dead unicorns?! ****, shit, damn. And even that made more sense than 52's comment! And seeing that he replied to himself in a rather normal post, please explain what happened with that first comment! Or is it just a new mutation in the Troll species?
LeFrogDog 27
think it is safe to say 52 has pissed off the internet. I say pick up your pitch forks and ban the user. Do the I's have it? Have half a thought that op client is 52s brother/sister.
yetanotherginger 19
I read that and just assumed #52 was making a joke along the lines of the YGS youtube channel (tobuscus channel devoted to nonsense/grammatical error/spelling mistake youtube/facebook/other comments), or else trying to appear on it
Dairyking 8
I at first thought 52 was trying to be serious in that comment, and I decided to play along (91), but after seeing others' responses, I decided to look it up. To those who remain confused and curious, it turns out that "Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?" is the original text that appeared on a YouTube comment a few years back and was assumed to be asking about the effort put into some video game graphics or something. I'm fairly certain that 52 here was posting it as intended nonsense. Hope that clears things up a bit! Oh, and I'm sorry for such a long post. x)
ironik69 31
77, you just made my day! !!
therealafroninga 10
Failure to process
Rababco 29
@52 Are you crazy? That looks kind of like "Word Salad" to me. I didn't understand any of that, can someone translate.
Wizardo 33
The only thing constipated here is his bloody brain, drop him and the case.
HouseElf 13
Drop it and flushhhh
oj101 33
OP should charge the client an exorbitant fee, so he will sh*t himself when he sees the bill in the mail. Then, his constipational rights wouldn't be violated anymore.
Corrupt_waffles 13
Seems like the client is full of shit.
grahmagog 14
Idiots.....idiots everywhere
Eliseopwns 22
OBJECTION!
Bano360 25
This is how I feel on a daily basis in work.
awkward_gothlady 32
So when they arrested him and read him his rights, did they say, "You have the right to a laxative" at some point?
HaraAishi 8
I was trying to come up with something with laxative. Thank you. That was wittier than what I was thinking.
pentz2123 5
Yes, and he most certainly needed one.
chosenblades 8
What a slick comment.
boating_guy 33
And you're going to think twice about that because...?
feldco1 17
Think twice about what?
goose12321 11
The guy's threat to sue
NeatNit 32
the thumbing here is some of the weirdest I've ever seen. #5, a completely relevant comment, is voted way down. #70 asks a question about the original comment, and is voted up a bit - and then #74 that answers that question is voted down! and then the comment that notices all these weird thumbs-ups and thumbs-downs is again voted way down. No wait, that last one makes sense.
skatoolaki 24
#121 You're expecting comment votes on FML to make sense?
marcelmg 10
He probably put your bills where the sun don't shine.....
pam241 15
Dumb ass
IAmJad 18
That much is clear.
TheBrochure 22
Forget about it; he's clearly full of shit anyway.
golden_warrior 23
Let the dumb ass defend himself and then counter sue him for the money you already earned.
perdix 29
Go over to his house with an enema kit and relieve him of his constipational rights.
yetanotherginger 19
Doesn't that violate the second enemendment?
SystemofaBlink41 27
He should just relaxative...
_DudeGuy_ 16
These puns are crappy, you guys need to relaxitive and let them flow out of you. I fully rectum-mend stopping with these god awful puns.
Liamj774 36
Well maybe if you weren't that anal about it I might stop
TheBrochure 22
#47 - When did you even shart making puns?
chosenblades 8
He is just plugged up full of puns.