Today, my dad asked me when I was going to start looking for a job. Jokingly, I told him next year. He got pissed, started to yell, then realized Tuesday is New Year's Day and grounded me for "being a dumbass." FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I casually mentioned to my dad that it was the Chinese New Year yesterday. He accused me of insulting his intelligence by "making stupid shit up." I explained that it's real, and that we just use the Gregorian calendar, hence the different dates. He responded by grounding me. FML
Today, my dad forgot it's my birthday. When I told him about it, he accused me of lying and threatened to ground me for a week. FML
Today, my dad grounded me for not having any friends. FML
Today, my dad came home drunk off his ass. So drunk that he couldn't manage to open the refrigerator, and ended up punching it in a fit of rage. When I tried to calm him down and get him to bed, he told me to fuck off, and grounded me. FML
Today, I tried to blackmail my dad by threatening to tell mom about the bong and weed he keeps hidden in the garage. Turns out she already knew about it and neither of them give a shit. Now I'm grounded until the new year. FML
Today, my dad found out I recently tried weed. He called me a useless waste of air and grounded me for the rest of the year. Then he went outside and smoked his third cigarette of the morning. FML
Today, nearly Christmas, my dad got mad because I don't have enough money for holiday festivities. I can't afford things because I haven't gotten my paycheck yet. I work for my dad. FML
Today, wanting to do something nice for my dad, I mowed the lawn. He grounded me for "emasculating" him. FML
Today, I'm mad at my dad for forgetting it's my birthday. He's mad at me for not reminding him. FML
Today, my dad yelled at me for being irresponsible while he watched me fold his laundry. FML
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Top comments
hayyyyleyyyybaby_fml 14
That's the hooker calling the ***** a ****..
Rei_Ayanami 18
I always hate when people make this joke, and they do it every year.
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Comments (95)
iwasrlybored 11
He's the dumbass
TheChiver 7
OP ask him if his refrigerator is running. When he replies why yes it is, tell him "we'll you better go catch it!" Now he should be utterly confused...when you notice his confused look, turn around and take pride in the fact that you sir are a master joke teller.
TylerDC 24
dad does sound like the dumb ass
billyz77 24
Why is he a dumbass for wanting his son to pay his fair share? Do you like supporting able-bodied deadbeats? Maybe OP should come mooch off of you.
poccocurantes 7
Dad?
sens3sfailing 24
I26- maybe you didn't realize that OP is able to look for a job this week and still fit the constraints of their own statement. Hardly a deadbeat. You sound like the dad.
billyz77 24
What's wrong with being a dad? I don't see anything wrong with someone who loves his children enough to want them to be responsible and respectable adults. If that makes me a bad guy deserving of all the thumbs down then I'll accept that. One of my proudest achievements was being a dad. You can tell a lot about a person by looking at the behavior of their children.
TomPusslicker 21
Billy- Do you understand whats being said here, at all? Or do you just dry hump your keyboard to form thoughts?
lilhellian 26
Billy I'll say it slowly for you. Becuase. Tomorrow. Is. New. Years. Op. Said. He. Would. Get. A. Job. Next. Year. No. job. Will. Hire. Today. The. Dad. Being. A. Dumbass. Grounded. Op. Because. He. Failed. To. Realize. This..
poccocurantes 7
Nobody said there was anything wrong with being a dad and the FML was about being punished for making a smart ass comment not for being unemployed though thy are probably related.
billyz77 24
61, I know you're trying to be funny so you can see a lot of thumbs up next to your name and that's okay, that's what this site is all about. But you and 59 should go back and re-read what I wrote. My comment had nothing to do with the son. I got the joke just fine. And 59, there is no way you would say something like that to my face. You're very lucky you can hide your sniveling little ass behind a computer screen way up there in the 51st State because if you saw me, you'd keep your mouth shut.
TomPusslicker 21
Im sorry billy, no matter how many times i read your comments and the comments that your comment is supposed to be relevant to....you are still an idiot. I feel sorry for your child, and i feel sorry for you for so many reasons. Cheers :)
misterhipster 4
Pfff dads
happle 21
Hey, my dad is chill as ****.
buck33 14
Pffff. Excuse me.
hayyyyleyyyybaby_fml 14
That's the hooker calling the ***** a ****..
TheWetzel 5
They should. Every once and a while, I like to pick up a hooker ad take her out to dinner somewhere nice. Ask how her day was, maybe catch a movie, or go for a walk in the park. Because I'm just that kinda guy.
happle 21
And you still pay her for that? I'm in the wrong line of work.
marxistbkly 3
Or just not a girl.
igive 29
It says she's a girl.
happle 21
64- Someone with the title "miss" is usually a girl.
U_GotitDude 18
The pot calling the kettle black
Rei_Ayanami 18
I always hate when people make this joke, and they do it every year.
BntyHntrSeattle 30
I had a teacher of a class everyone hates say we were done for the year; then everybody cheered, until he said he'd see us in 2013 -_-
Potato_Pi 7
You're both dumbasses and you should go look for a job
FML_Elle 17
Lol, his head was too far up his ass for him to admit his own mistake so he grounds you. Seriously though, get a job.
IworkAt711 14
You get a job.
Stefan1994 7
I bet he has a better job then working at 711 like you 33
poccocurantes 7
33 doesn't have job.
IworkAt711 14
I work at 7-11 and prefer nothing else.
lilhellian 26
Even when your 40, living in your parents basement, still a virgin, and obese from all those hotdogs and chips? /sarcasm
Qwermy 16
The economy is in the shitter. It's not easy to get a job these days.
randome101 12
A career job probably but a job can be anything from walking dogs to fast food.
insaneDONUTZ 15
he's pretty dumb
BlueMoonCafe 12
He should ground you till the end of the year. That'll show you.
Qwermy 16
But that would mean missing New Years parties...
lmaouloser 5
You're not a dumbass! … you're a Jackass. A snarky reply to someone who is supporting you, great idea!
newbiehere99 6
Too much ...
AndOtherDrugs 5
It was just a joke. Some children are comfortable enough with their parents to joke with them.
heliraptor 13
He seems to be the stupid one. Better to be a smartass than a dumbass, I always say.
nycwrestler 17
Better to have a fat ass than to have no ass.