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Thursday 18 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I met my new girlfriend at her house for the very first time. And her 17 cats, whose names all begin with the letter "K", because they're all "kewl kats." FML

#20601896
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55817) - you deserved it (8907)

On 04/18/2013 at 10:37am - love - by obnum - United States

Today, I posted a video of a dance I choreographed on Facebook. I got a notification a few hours later telling me that my grandpa had also shared it. His caption? "My granddaughter dances like a gay baboon and this dance sucks balls. Throw grapes at her." Thanks grandpa. FML

#20604301
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50066) - you deserved it (9479)

On 04/19/2013 at 3:27am - misc - by thanks gramps - Canada (Yukon Territory)

Today, my girlfriend from high school contacted me, telling me we should hang out some time; I casually agreed. Two hours later she's on my doorstep in tears, wanting me to take her back. She's married with kids. I live four states away and haven't a clue how she found out where I live. FML

#20611227
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55647) - you deserved it (3711)

On 04/21/2013 at 7:26pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was about to break up with my psycho girlfriend. As I sat her down, she told me she wanted to show me something. She then took off her shirt to reveal my name tattooed across her chest. FML

#20595753
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71007) - you deserved it (7474)

On 04/16/2013 at 3:23am - love - by guess I'm stuck - United States (California)

Today, I saw a woman in the neighbouring apartment taking a shower without pulling the blinds of her bathroom window. As a good Samaritan, I waved my arms to attract her attention that she forgot the blinds. She noticed me, opened the window, did a weird boob dance and middle fingered me. FML

#20611911
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42587) - you deserved it (14641)

On 04/21/2013 at 10:56pm - misc - by Magicali (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I found out that the catchy Japanese song I've been obsessed with for the past week is actually about a dildo. FML

Today, I discovered why my boss kept on scheduling me to work doubles almost every day. It wasn't because she knew I needed the extra money; she was hoping that my boyfriend would break up with me because I'm never home, and date her instead. It worked. FML

#20615252
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68802) - you deserved it (4475)

On 04/23/2013 at 4:17am - love - by mybossisanass (woman) - United States

Today, my husband of 6 years said in a grave voice that he had some important news for me. Jokingly, I said, "Why, did you get that cute colleague of yours pregnant?" He did. FML

#20593773
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72621) - you deserved it (6471)

On 04/15/2013 at 2:36pm - love - by wow (woman) - Russian Federation (Saint Petersburg City)

Today, I decided to be playful and leave my girlfriend flowers and chocolates from an "Anonymous Admirer". She immediately dumped me, saying she couldn't be with someone who "isn't even as romantic as a stranger". Yep, I think I just got dumped for myself. FML

#20616571
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55495) - you deserved it (7898)

On 04/23/2013 at 7:22pm - love - by BestBF - United States (Nebraska)

Today, while practicing a song in choir, I got a boner. Trying to cover it up, I tried sitting down. My choir teacher got mad and made me stand in front of the whole class. FML

#20615694
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72985) - you deserved it (9633)

On 04/23/2013 at 12:08pm - intimacy - by Soundofaboner - United States

Today, I had phone sex with my boyfriend. He had an asthma attack. FML

#20592968
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60070) - you deserved it (10868)

On 04/15/2013 at 5:09am - intimacy - by JRLJLS (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, in my psychology class we were covering OCDs. I have an issue with creased paper and my best friend brought it up, so for the next hour my class mates sat screwing up paper to see how long I could continuously have a panic attack. FML

Today, I went to my grandmom's house for an hour or so. When I came home, my boyfriend was on the bed, covered in the sheets and about to cry. Turns out he taped his ballsack to his leg and couldn't get it off because it "hurts too much." I'm 24 and he's 26. FML

#20616232
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38981) - you deserved it (5289)

On 04/23/2013 at 5:07pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)



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