Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was eating at a restaurant patio with a few friends. After the waitress cleaned up our table there was a drop of mayonnaise on the table. I wiped it with my finger and licked it. It wasn’t mayo, it was bird shit. FML
Today, a bird shit on my jacket whilst smoking, I cleaned it and went back outside, and got shit on again. FML
Today, as I was walking home with dinner, a pigeon pooped on my leg like a dive bomb. My hands were full carrying the food, so I had to walk the rest of the way with a smear on my jeans that everyone knew what it was. FML
Today, I walked under a tree and heard birds chirping from above. I stopped and looked up, only to catch a face full of bird shit. FML
Today, I saw some reddish-colored stuff on my finger after wiping my face. I thought it was blood at first, so I smelled it, then licked it, I don't know why the fuck I did that but anyways, I later realized I'd wiped off some of my eyeshadow and frickin ate it. FML
Today, I was at the beach and fell asleep in the sun. When I woke up, there was a blob of sunscreen on my leg. Thinking it was my boyfriend who was sweet enough to squeeze sunscreen for me, I rubbed it into my leg. After smelling my hands, I discovered it was bird poop. FML
Today, while I was eating, a fly kept pissing me off. After three minutes of it buzzing around, I caught it and killed it. Then, without realizing it, I smeared its guts all over the front of my shirt. FML
Today, I lost my balance trying to get my bag out of my car. In doing so, my lips came in contact with some bird poop. FML
Today, while eating dinner, my child picked up a piece of their chicken off the floor and put it in their mouth. It wasn’t until during bath time did I realize it wasn't chicken but poop that fell out of their diaper. FML
Today, I was eating an ice cream on a sidewalk and some woman decided it was time to clip her toenails on her balcony above me. One of the nail shards fell onto my ice cream. FML
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Top comments
s_l_h82 0
i literally laughed my face off for at least 10 mins after reading this. Thanks for shairing BAHAHAHAHA
Dr_Phil 0
You didn't notice the bird poo on your pants ... ? Anyway, sucks that you licked bird poo. That's totally gross.
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Comments (70)
Dr_Phil 0
You didn't notice the bird poo on your pants ... ? Anyway, sucks that you licked bird poo. That's totally gross.
s_l_h82 0
i literally laughed my face off for at least 10 mins after reading this. Thanks for shairing BAHAHAHAHA
hahasooo 2
it was not that funny!
connectthedots 7
Another example of when people misuse the word 'literally'. Unless, of course, you actually laughed your face off... In which case, I'd definitely advise you to get that checked out by a doctor.
Coatney 0
i almost puked when i read this.
Bruno_Mars_Fan 0
I was hoping the OP would say, "Then my mom walked in and saw what I had done. She won't believe me that I was just trying to lick off the ice cream!"
BairaiF 0
What is OP?
TryToBeKind 0
lmao I did something like that once, but it wasn't shit. See, there was this creamy pinkish stuff squirted on the table and I went, "Oh, I wonder if that's yogart?" Turns out it was lotion. I didn't have any yogart in the house.
kennaem1 11
*yogurt
blah_blah_shity 0
hahahaha the best one yet
thecaylatheory 0
lmfao. that sucks.
VivaLaJewFace 0
hahaha... sadly that's happened to me too. bad part was.. i thought it was part of a vanilla icecream with hard chocolate on the outside.... I was eating a sour Popsicle...
drtu 0
lol this was funny
FlavorfulUnicorn 4
Lol, delish!
TJ_fml 0
#8-- AHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA, I fell out of my chair when I read that one.