Today, I just finished having dinner with my boyfriend, so I leaned over to him and said seductively, "How about some dessert?" Obviously, he didn't catch my tone, because he then looked at me and said, "Babe, you really don't need it." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while eating dinner with my boyfriend, I look up to see him staring at me, smiling. Hoping he wanted to say how lucky of a man he was who loved me deeply, I asked him what he was thinking. He replied, "You can't smell that yet? It was a noxious one." FML
Today, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. After dessert, he went to the bathroom so I quickly called the waiter over and paid the bill, thinking it was a nice gesture. When he returned, he broke up with me for "emasculating" him. FML
Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend. Everything seemed to be going well, when all of a sudden he turned to look at me with a pensive and thoughtful expression. I expected him to say something important, but instead he just said, "I was wondering, how does it feel to be fat?" FML
Today, my boyfriend said he felt like eating icing. So I baked him cupcakes, put icing on them and decorated them. When I handed them to him, he picked off the decoration, licked the icing and handed the cupcake back to me, saying, "I told you that's all I wanted." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were out to eat. The waiter came and asked what we wanted. My boyfriend said he wanted a cheeseburger and I told the waiter I'd have the same. My boyfriend looked at me and said, "Are you sure you don't want a salad?" FML
Today, my boyfriend of two years took me out to breakfast. We were eating and he kept on staring at me like he was thinking of something really important. I thought he was going to say, "I love you". So I told him to, "say it already." Turns out he was thinking of a way to dump me. FML
Today, I was cuddling with the guy I'm dating and said, "You smell good." His response, "You don't." FML
Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to a very nice restaurant. I thought it would be a good place to pop the question. I gave the ring to the waiter and asked him to put it on her dessert plate. When she saw it, she picked it up, put it down, and said "No". Then she started to eat her dessert. FML
Today, my boyfriend wouldn’t stop smacking and slurping his food. I told him to at least chew with his mouth closed. He looked me dead in the eye, with a mouth full of chewed up pizza, and said, “No.” FML
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Top comments
jackson7787 0
Ha, someone's not getting anything tonight anymore.
greenfairy_fml 0
damn, the stories on here about what guys say to their girlfriends make me feel really glad I'm single
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Comments (97)
lolol182 4
aha
symph 0
I chuckled.
maddcow 0
lol, good times haha
April11 0
Hmmm I wonder how his weight is? Ass
wrestler_fml 0
Hahahaha. But dont worry, he was just joking. Don't take it too hard, and don't hold it against him either! Lol. He probably just said that because of the "push-pull" rule... aka if he kisses your butt all the time and never jokes around with you, you'll start to get bored of him, dislike him, and likely either cheat or leave him. He also could have been broke and not have enough money for dessert...
jackson7787 0
Ha, someone's not getting anything tonight anymore.
LaurenFails 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
...How fat are you?
Felifulify 4
Yes, Lauren, u Fail..
ppl2ppl 4
Really how rude are you? Dick
zoo_fml 0
whata jerk.. lol woow
_You_ 0
Sounds like you got yourself a keeper. SMH @ these people who think he's a jerk.
panthersprite 0
How the hell is a boyfriend who says that a "keeper"? A real keeper wouldn't care if you ate dessert because he's more than a superficial jerk.
irishman1733 0
do you not know what sarcasm is?