Today, less than a week after moving in together, I decided to clean out my husband's messy room. In the process, I found a jar containing what appears to be a toenail collection. I don't think I'll ever regain my appetite. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my roommate moved out. When I went into his room, I found a few things he forgot. Specifically, his beer bottle filled with nail clippings. I emptied it onto my hand before I realized what it was. FML
Today, I dropped some food on the floor and picked it back up, took a bite, and quickly realised it had toenail cuttings in it. I never cut my toenails in my dining room. FML
Today, I noticed that the floor outside our bathroom was covered in toenail clippings. I asked my husband what had happened. Turns out, he saves time by clipping his nails onto the floor and then sweeping them out into the hall, where they get lodged in the carpet. FML
Today, I found one of my roommate's giant yellow toenail clippings on the counter next to the kitchen sink. When I confronted him about it, he told me the cat must have carried it out of his bedroom and put it there. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me how he used to collect little things when he was younger. He then decided to tell me about his current big toe nail collection. FML
Today, I walked into my bedroom to find my boyfriend clipping his toe nails into my pillow case. FML
Today, I watched my husband pick his dead foot skin and say, "That's a keeper!" before putting it in his mouth. FML
Today, I went out for a smoke before dinner. I glanced through the window only to see my husband take my cooking scissors, cut his toe nails and then put them back in the utensils canister without washing them. FML
Today, I was walking in my apartment when I felt something stab my foot. Thinking it was a piece of glass, I looked down. It was one of my roommate's toenail clippings. FML
Today, I was going to give my baby daughter an empty Pringles tin to play with on the floor. I saw some crumbs at the bottom, so I emptied the can in my mouth before I gave it to her. I crunched hard and spat them out, realizing my boyfriend had just cut his toenails into the can. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Senseless_487 29
He really should have toed you about that.
mea_iloveskiing 26
At least you didn't find another woman's underwear :)
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (116)
DusktheFMLKat 14
Eww
wcc7777777 5
#1- Such a deep/comforting/humorous comment! Why can't I be so witty???
kenleybunch 15
This comment was the equivalent of "first!"
reneetlovesyou 30
Sorry OP, that's really disgusting but at least he's not leaving them on the bathroom floor, I guess..
zandalee 19
Why OP are you cleaning out his room after moving in together for a week? Why isn't he?
xx000o 27
You could always compost them.
siggy_mcsigx 22
Toenails take a loooong time to decompose...
z3r0d4z3 22
all I want to know is why the husband has a separate room
shaww 28
Hopefully they're only his toenails
Dthsapprntc 23
They are the toenail clippings from all his vanquished foes. Where others collect their enemies heads to put on spikes, this guy does the more fearsome toenail clipping in a jar. Oh, the horror...
YourBatteryIsLow 8
Time for a divorce...
shaww 28
He collects toenails? He must be a murderer. You don't divorce for a silly hobby/fetish
YourBatteryIsLow 8
Just in case you didn't notice...That was sarcastic... I know its hard to tell on the internet.
reneetlovesyou 30
Then don't use sarcasm/stupidity over the Internet. Sorry. Couldn't tell which it was.
ptoka 20
How was that sarcasm? You typed an overused comment for FMLs like this, thus that isn't sarcasm... It's idiocy
xerbrus 14
brain battery is low
junkman6 22
If you're going to use sarcasm on FML you have to warn them. They don't really understand it, ever.
jazzy_123 20
63, we're not idiots.
Donnasbroeikas 11
easy oke it's just a joke, maybe a bad one haha but don't kill eachother
mea_iloveskiing 26
At least you didn't find another woman's underwear :)
RustlingSoul 26
This is true.
ptoka 20
Oo, a jar full of women's underwear. How big a jar?
Enslaved 36
You never know, she might not be done cleaning.
samquenda 8
Maybe you should have a chat with him...
Senseless_487 29
He really should have toed you about that.
murythawn 13
I've been laughing for about 4 minutes at this!
warsun 27
Epic win
Nemo123654 11
Lmfao
Ksweety_fml 27
He going to collect yours too. Haha..
JMichael 25
That's gross..
xgardian 15
You're just recently moving in with with your HUSBAND?
sierraleeannee 13
Some couples don't move in together until they're married. So maybe they had just gotten married and then she moved in. But we won't know until a follow up!
dachayke 16
Your profile pic matches your comment perfectly! Still a dumb comment though.
Beansforbill 14
How's the nipple #14?
ashsaunde 13
I didn't move in with my husband until a week before our wedding. It's not that weird. Some people like to wait.
gavocado 8
Couples that move in together before marriage have an 80% chance for divorce.
WellThatSucked89 13
Statistics are typically bull, kinda like the one you just threw out there. Many marriages fail because the couple does not know each others habits within the home. My husband and I had to wait until marriage to move in together or we would have had to pay for everything alone. Luckily we already had an apartment rented and I would sneak in the night to go stay with him. This way we learned hygienic habits about each other, what we liked and didn't like about living together, etc. Sorry for the long post, just know all too many marriages that failed because they DID NOT move in beforehand.