Today, I told my girlfriend about my extreme fear of flying roaches. She immediately got upset because she thought, since I'm from the Caribbean, I would be "manlier" and "eat stuff like that for breakfast". FML
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Today, my girlfriend won't stay over at my apartment anymore. Why? Because she saw a few roaches. Pest control comes every week and I spray every other day, so there's only so much I can about it. The worst part is now it's extremely difficult to spend time together because she lives with her mom and sister, who argue nonstop. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that one of my intellectually challenged friends now holds an engineering position at an aircraft company. She wasn't a fan of flying before, and now refuses to set foot anywhere near any aircraft of any kind. FML
Today, after months of my girlfriend crying about cockroaches, I finally called and paid for an exterminator. Now she's furious at me for "making decisions for her" and she keeps pointing out that, since she owns the house, what I did was technically illegal. FML
Today, I woke up with a dead cockroach and its guts all over my forehead. My boyfriend responded by laughing and saying "Poor guy, never had a chance to see the world." FML
Today, I woke up to the feeling of something crawling up my leg. I threw back the bed sheets and saw it was a cockroach. My dad said my ensuing scream was so girlish that he wondered what the hell my sister was doing in my bedroom. FML
Today, I woke up, showered, and began brushing my teeth. When I started to brush my tongue I gagged, like usual, and threw up a little. What's unusual? I threw up a cockroach. FML
Today, my boyfriend found out about my severe phobia of moths. It's so bad that I sometimes pass out. He caught a moth in a jar, and put it on my bedside table. I woke up, saw it, and had a panic attack. He recorded it all and wants to upload it to YouTube. FML
Today, my girlfriend bought me a pet tarantula. I now have one of my biggest fears crawling around my house. FML
Today, my girlfriend was making lunch and asked me to pass her the peanut butter. I'll never know why, but as I handed it to her I said the first thing that came to mind, "I really want a dog." She looked at me in horror, then told me to get out of her house. FML
Today, my girlfriend viciously chewed me out for not taking a sandwich to work to save money. I don't have a problem with packing lunches, but the store-brand white bread she insists on buying is disgusting. She won't listen to me, and refuses to let me buy anything else. FML
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Top comments
Livelife121 30
It's ******* flying roaches, who doesn't have an extreme fear of them?
Wizardo 33
Well that's a ridiculous racial stereotype, you should educate her OP.
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Comments (103)
Liyuesigs 8
Go OP, you can do it. Show her you are the MAN!
Damian95 16
Or show her she is an idiot! But I like your idea too #1!!!
sorta_sarcastic 12
Don't avoid that great source of protein. She obviously wants what's best for you...
hessel 13
OP i dare you, i double dare you ************
SpamPam 18
You've got to be a macho man
jessBeAqueen 13
yeah op show her your a man by eating that protein....then accuse her of not being enough of a woman when she refuses to swallow your protien ;)
TayonaC 10
my dads from Antigua and grew up around palmetto bugs; he still can't stand them.
Wizardo 33
Well that's a ridiculous racial stereotype, you should educate her OP.
greenfishbait 19
Where in the world did she even get that idea? I can't imagine assuming someone eats insects based on where they're from.
geko911 22
Pirates of the Caribbean? I know a couple of people who had weird stereotypes based on movies.
Lacist 19
And extremely superficial if she's upset over you not bring a "man." It's time to find someone else man.
uhhSavage 22
Impress her by eating them for dinner.
HowAreYouToday 34
It would be manlier to make some for breakfast... Without any milk.
dancinwookie 21
Umm, why in the world would you want to impress a b!tch? Throw her back into the sea, she's somebody else's fish/problem.
uhhSavage 22
I was kidding.
dancinwookie 21
What a coincidence, so was I! I thought the whole throwing her back into the sea bit would clear that up, but if I need to be more precise in order to be understood then here: He should grab her by the ankle whip her around his head a few times, ya know, to really get some momentum. You need to make sure she clears the beach! You don't want her face-planting it. You might end up with murder charges depending on how that plays out. Did that help?
uhhSavage 22
Wow, you're an asshole.
Livelife121 30
It's ******* flying roaches, who doesn't have an extreme fear of them?
uhhSavage 22
Steve Irwin.
Wizardo 33
He wasn't scared of them and look at him now...
Pstraka6 20
I know, right?!
randm_dude 9
Birds, or spiders, or... I could think of a few things.
fareith 15
Well, for one thing, there are these people called exterminators....
masterblaster288 14
Bro he died from a sting ray not a flying roach....
dancinwookie 21
Wow, it's amazing how often jokes fly over people's heads. #56- Did you honestly believe #10 was being serious? Are you also cynical about the fist under Chuck Norris' beard?
RedPillSucks 31
The flying roaches sicked the stingray on him.
Thundering_Jibbs 13
Man, I didn't even know there was such thing as flying roaches! Screw you evolution! What will you give us next? An advanced race of humans with superhuman mathematical abilities, the ability to survive off of small grains, build any object out of plastic at will, and multiply on command?
JACKxRAWR 22
Flying roaches turn into Radroaches and before you know it your dad is letting you shoot them in the generator room of an underground vault.
stepper99k 15
me cause of SWAG
Jamerina3 10
She obviously has a bowl of stupid for breakfast every morning.
Pstraka6 20
Wait...roaches can fly?! Omg
Enslaved 36
Here in FL, we have flying roaches or Palmetto bugs. They are huge, fearless and will aim right for your face!
jamjam12 15
eeww sounds like the equivalent to the cicadas here in the north east
RedPillSucks 31
Except they're ALWAYS around, not just once every 17 years
jamjam12 15
No not necessarily, there are some that come back every year. I get tons every single summer. But yes I realize they are very different... I was just making a comparison since both fly right into your face
buckdharma 37
Enslaved-I bet you take them home, put em on glass, pull of it's wings and laugh. Just a hunch.
andrealovvve 17
There everywhere in Las Vegas where I live in the summertime! My worst enemy.. So gross!
Belthazor_fml 5
LOL!!!! Deftones fan, I assume?
CaptMurdock 25
Maybe you should feed some to her for breakfast.
thatkid00117 16
Why the fear of roaches? To me there seem to be much worse insects out there
Zen_Mei 17
To each his own
Aero_x 21
An interesting fact: When a roach gets into contact with a human, it flees and actually cleans itself off. The irony. I found this hilarious. We all got something that "bugs" us ;P Seriously, I'd rather run into a roach rather than a spider any day!
cakeeater123 5
tell her to eat one
iiTzNeeNerz 26
Seriously, Where are you guys finding these females at? Stop fishing at the stupid end of the gene pool.
mete_orito 34
It seems that they are the only girls who pay some attention to guys..... at least in the beginning....lol
Psychicgirl17 18
Because you can easily get laid by the stupid ones.
Alicestraza 33
If all you care about is getting laid, you don't get to complain :p