Today, my boyfriend insisted that I start calling him "Professor Fucktard" in the bedroom. He seems to be dead serious about it. FML
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Today, my husband and I were about to have sex. As soon as I got on top, he started speaking in a robot voice, then demanded that I call him "The Fuckinator." FML
Today, I was making love to my boyfriend. In the heat of the moment, I said his name. He immediately stopped, gave me a deadly serious look and said "Huh? What?" FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He replied, dead serious, "That's nice and all, but anal speaks louder than words." FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, he called me "Mom." FML
Today, my boyfriend insisted that we try phone sex. He started telling me all the things he wanted to do to me while breathing heavily. Unfortunately, it sounded so ridiculous, I burst out laughing. He hung up on me, and has refused to pick up since. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML
Today, I realised that my boyfriend calls me "bitch" more often than he calls me by my actual name. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to make me wear a fake mustache during sex. He said it "turns him on." FML
Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his friends as his "sex partner." FML
Today, I realized my boyfriend uses sex as a way to get me to stop talking. FML
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Top comments
lyssgross 16
I wonder how that fantasy got started....
chocolatefrog28 29
Insist that he, in turn, call you something like Princess Twatwaffle until one of you cracks. If you can't beat the crazy, join in.
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Comments (108)
lyssgross 16
I wonder how that fantasy got started....
Jac_d_ipper 10
Also means ******* retard
leprechaun23 15
Are you his sexy assistant?
AKGirlinSD 20
1, possibly the original poster calls him fucktard as a joke and now he's bringing it to the bedroom. I am stuck on figuring out how this is a turn on, however.
jessaiee 17
"Professor fuckhard" would have made a little more sense
Llamassss 21
I fancy professor fuckface myself.
aeonsoul 12
Yeah isn't..it the opposite of a compliment?
wvcheesehead1 9
I think you should ask him to show you his doctorate.
LissaMccracken 23
That's....interesting..
Pesticides 19
Hey, whatever makes him happy! It may turn out to op's advantage. She could take classes from him
moecroe 7
hey...could be worse
AKGirlinSD 20
50, how so? I try not to judge but if my boyfriend ever asked me to call him that, in the bedroom, then I would burst out laughing, every time.
angeluv_2014 22
Ooo Professor fucktard ah **** me like the tard you are *dead seriousness* ahahaha naaaahhh. couldn't do it!
WhoWhat_fml 10
That's kinky...
Pleonasm 35
So do you guys do the full schebang, with "Hot for Teacher" playing and a spanking everytime you answer a question wrong?
CallMeMcFeelii 13
If some of my teachers did that while I was in school I may have paid attention more. And by some, I mean my 10th grade Spanish teacher. ¡Más difícil!
Pleonasm 35
Demasiado jamon en mi boca para dar la repuesta a su pregunta, profesor!
ThatGuyWhoTalks 10
Can you translate that for me Pleo. I failed out of Spanish
AKGirlinSD 20
67, I love your honesty!
Soloman212 28
"Demise, jam on! In my mouth forgive the request at your pregnant, professor!" Thank me later.
JOcoco 14
67 - "There's to much ham in my mouth to answer your question professor!"
theifunnyguy 6
too much ham in my mouth to answer your question proffesor
Soloman212 28
Ok that may make a bit more sense. Well, not really, but in this context.
Just_STFU_Please 13
That's very interesting to say the least
heresIsaac 4
0/10 would not bang
Grayness_ 26
Lmfao aye man we all want different things while busting some nuts man.
EpicSquishii 21
Shut up, Professor!
kurodansei 16
Dat stache lol.
B5B0N35 18
Well do what the man whants!
Pwn17 25
Really? You don't see the weird in this?
ohSNAPyall 26
No! Teach the professor a lesson!
olpally 32
Yeah, cuz that won't ruin the moment or multiple moments in the bedroom at all... Wtf? Don't breed with him please. Lol.
EpicSquishii 21
Yeah because if you do, the offspring will end up requesting odd things in bed as well, and we all know how much of anyone's business THAT is
olpally 32
Easy on the sarcasm^^^
botanistjessica 24
"Don't breed with him/her" is one of those comments used on every other FML these days. Y'all need to come up with something more inventive.
olpally 32
Relax 76, you whining about it and commenting about it makes it worse. Thumb it down instead. Jesus.
olpally 32
Or better yet 76, come up with a better comment about it then, If you're so much smarter.
botanistjessica 24
My comment sucks, but who's getting thumbed down? I'm only stating a fact. Never did I say I was "smarter" than you.
ltaper11 20
Did he get a doctorate in mood killing?