Today, I went to the local pharmacy to buy some condoms. When I went to go purchase them, the elderly lady behind the counter took one look at me and said, "Honey, you're your own birth control." FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
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Today, I nervously went to the store to buy condoms for the first time. I felt like everything was going well, and checked out happily. As I was walking out, the cashier lady said to the woman next in line, "He thinks he's going to need condoms." They both looked at me and started laughing. FML
Today, I went to the drug store to pick up a few things. After looking for condoms for 15 minutes, I asked the cashier where I could find them. She said they keep them behind the counter due to theft. She refused to sell them to me, because they're for customers who might actually need them. FML
Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms. I couldn't find them anywhere, so I nervously asked a staff member for help. She scowled, pointed at the shelf directly behind me, and told me to, "Get a life. Or better pick-up lines." I'll never live down the snickers from the other customers. FML
Today, I once again bought condoms at the gas station to make the people who work there think that I have a sex life. FML
Today, a friend asked me if I'd buy him some condoms because he's too shy to buy them himself. I obliged and whilst queuing at the till to buy them I felt someone tap my shoulder. I turned around to see my fiancée glaring at me. We don't use condoms. FML
Today, I was buying condoms at Walmart. I grabbed the XL size, and the cashier commented, "Ahh, you'll definitely need a smaller size." FML
Today, I went out to buy a bottle of wine and some condoms. As the cashier scanned the condoms, she snickered and muttered, "Yeah right." She was right; I really was just desperate to look like I have a sex life. I got so upset that I left my items and walked out with tears in my eyes. FML
Today, the pharmacy lady wished me a happy birthday. I was buying the morning after pill. FML
Today, I was at the store buying some feminine products. At the cash register, the clerk said to me "Dude, you know those are for girls right?" I am a 30 year old woman. FML
Today, I was standing in line at the checkout, and my children were arguing with each other. The guy in front of me sighed loudly and told me over his shoulder: "There're these things called condoms, you know." FML
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Top comments
cupcakechick 17
what a bitch! just Ignore her OP, shes just jealous of your beauty, and is pissed she cant get laid
Pleonasm 35
Ah she's just jealous because she literally IS her own birth control. She's so senile she's probably not getting penile anyway.
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Comments (113)
cupcakechick 17
what a bitch! just Ignore her OP, shes just jealous of your beauty, and is pissed she cant get laid
Catkam623 27
Ooh it's double posted which means everything we wrote goes into the fml void never to be seen again
igese 11
OP is a guy....
hashshim 23
Guys can be beautiful. And girls can be named Jack.
cupcakechick 17
prob calling the cash a jack ass
andrew6p 19
@1 he should've flipped the bird
maximus_prime 24
I agree that jealousy probably played a part here, you will possibly find out the last time the elderly lady got laid was when Nixon was President.
whiteboy896 9
She's old, you really think she cares about getting laid?
philbelfrage 13
58 - Old people are some of the kinkiest ***** on the planet.
lexa1love 16
I imagine ill care about getting laid until I die. Just because you're old doesn't mean the libido stops. Hope you realize that your grandparents are probably still having sex if they're living.
HopelesslyCiara5 19
#68, so true. Hahahaha!!
therealafroninga 10
72, you have out mental images in my head that may never be erased, so, as a fair trade, I want you to watch two girls, and one cup. Imagine your grandmother doing such with her bingo partner.
gagagreensheep 1
Well it is entirely likely she meant 'YOU can decide whether or not to have sex instead of relying on a condom to protect you' hence 'you are your own birth control'. However seeing the conclusion that everyone here is jumping too I can see why this is an FML. She could've worded that a bit better(if that's what she meant).
lexa1love 16
I have seen that video and it did not phase me at all. My grandmother has passed and was never a fan of bingo. Maybe she'd have done it with the milk man though! ;) If it makes you feel better my 74 year old grandmother just told me a year ago. "I sure hate sucking on his thing!" In regards to my grandfather.
ylsasil66 5
What a rude person! That's really unprofessional considering she was at work.
TeamKelly 10
At work or not, that's a really rude thing to say.
mario2012 18
Reread the FML please.
ylsasil66 5
It's rude in any situation but it's unprofessional because the elderly women was at work. I believe you mixed up the meaning of my comment.
MissyMiss5 13
I cannot believe how inappropriate and rude people have become! Why can't we follow the golden rule; if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all!
CrookedCook 14
I only hope OP made a complaint. it would be a shame if that went unpunished.
KeeLady 20
#78- Says the girl with a pic of her middle finger up?
greeneyebeauty9 28
Actually the golden rule is: do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
Adhdkid107 9
Old people....they never sugar coat anything at all.
\ 28
They've seen so much of life that they're in "developer mode"
twaumat 28
they think 'eh, screw it. I'm going to die soon anyways'...and BOOM
5oapbox 4
My grandmother certainly never sugarcoats anything and somehow still manages to bake great cookies.
Aspen_Grace33 27
When reading FMLs like these, I always wonder how these people can speak like this to their customers and still have a job. Ignore them, OP. Clearly this person has nothing else going for them that they have to pick on people making purchases.
ctina 15
I always wonder that, too. If I'd said things like that to customers when I worked retail, I'd have been fired SO FAST.
hashshim 23
Possibly because FMLs aren't ncessarily 100% true, people have a tendency to exaggerate stories in order to maximize their suffering.
OverBlossomed 22
Sometimes, the customer doesn't make a complaint or the employee is let off with a warning.
VampireBiter 7
I've seen much worse, surprised those people never got fired. In any case, if an old lady is saying that she's being honest and blunt, I'd take this as positive criticism. It helped me change into my dashing self that I am, maybe it can help you too op.
Pleonasm 35
Ah she's just jealous because she literally IS her own birth control. She's so senile she's probably not getting penile anyway.
jipster 11
You're my favourite commenter and i think you are the messias of FML. Thank you for making my day Pleonasm.
Pleonasm 35
The sentiment is nice, and I appreciate it, but people around here prefer not to see that, ie prefer you send it via PM. If you'd rather not get some edgy people getting all holier-than-thou on you, you should probably keep it PM! Regardless, I'm just another regular and nothing really exceptional.
Catkam623 27
That's not quite true pleo has a cool stache that sets him apart.
izzie321 27
Wonder what she was like in high school..
BubbleGrunge 18
Rude! Ignore her OP, obviously you're getting some because you're buying condoms. Now, go put them and your good looks to use! :)
VeganVampyre 26
We don't actually know that... OP could just be buying them in the hopes that they'll be put to use eventually. Or for a friend. Or some other reason. Etc...
Melix 31
Well that was rude.
klovemachine 24
That wasn't nice, but it was very funny :-D sorry OP
k_lylepad 19
You should've been like, don't be bitter just cause you're too old to get any.