Today, my racist, homophobic, generally degenerate grandmother visited. Within 20 minutes, she uttered multiple racial slurs, said Robert Downey Jr. will burn in hell for playing a black man in one of his movies, and yelled that she'd "whip the piss" out of me, after I asked her to leave. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML
Today, none of us had any idea that our grandfather was a huge racist until I brought my new girlfriend over to a family gathering, and he started yelling because she's Indian, some of the most disgusting racial slurs I’ve ever heard. We left when it looked like he might actually hit her. FML
Today, my racist grandmother was complaining that the new nurse at her nursing home is a black woman. I casually asked, "Is she cute?" I'm now out of the will. FML
Today, my grandmother tried to lecture me about discrimination. This is the same woman who lies about her grandchildren's race, and tried to convince a Jewish person that the Jews were responsible for the Holocaust. FML
Today, I had to drag my grandmother out of a store because she went up to a black family and started apologizing for slavery. FML
Today, I went to see my grandmother. She has Alzheimer's and doesn't remember me sometimes, and today she thought I was her sister and that I was trying to steal my grandfather from her. She hit me with a cane and called me a slut. FML
Today, I went to a family dinner. My grandma wasted no time calling me a slut for not wearing a dress, my dad called my police officer boyfriend a "fucking pig", and then he told my mother to "put a cock in it" when she defended me. No wonder I hardly ever visit these people. FML
Today, I was written up because my manager heard me insulting a customer. How did I insult her? I called her grandma. Who did I say this to? My grandma. FML
Today, I went to visit my senile grandma, since she's ill and nobody else in the family visits her. I ended up having to sit through a long rant about the Illuminati, black people, and how we'd have a cure for the common cold already if it weren't for "those god damned foreigners". FML
Today, I took my grandma to what I thought was a nice movie. An actor used the word "cunt", which prompted her to ask what that word meant in a loud "whisper". She followed up even more loudly with, "Does that mean pussy?" FML
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Top comments
Mmkay1515 21
Introduce her to your black boyfriend.
ozpunker 20
It's funny how often sweet old grannies are hardcore racists.
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Comments (99)
lexi365 20
I think crazy grandparents make the funniest FMLs. And this one is no exception!
KeXu 6
They too do good food inside the out
sammyjanette 17
Yes, because racism is hilarious...
emala1096 17
Personally, I like the ones where you can insult the OP for being an idiot. Only me?
Busybeth98 16
I really liked the one about placenta.
TourettesGuyFTW 25
I like FMLs where the first post gets buried like a dog bone fo being crap.
Alexweber929 14
Come to think of it my grandma sid once refer to a broken beer bottle as a ****** knife, hmm, I think the,was a bit of a racist
Alexweber929 14
Shit, that was supposed to go under number 2s comment, sorry
ozpunker 20
It's funny how often sweet old grannies are hardcore racists.
etishuman22 32
Like the grandma in "Wedding Crashers". I loved it when she said "I can do it myself, asshole!" to the butler who was trying to help her upstairs.
sailorzoe 14
I'd put her in a low budget old folks home.
LemonandLime 13
You have to remember they are the product of a different generation. It's not that long ago that having opinions that we now call racist or homophobic were the norm.
MDTeddy 13
They are mean and nasty all the time. Look at the history of fmls. They are a bunch of dumbass grandmas who will straight up call you or someone ugly or just end up with you getting hit when offering to help them. I don't help or go near old grandmas unless they ask for help. Sometimes they will yell at you for not helping them. You never win unless you stay away.
VeganVampyre 26
68- that doesn't make it okay. Times have changed, those views are no longer acceptable, and they need to learn that. If they can't change their opinions, fine, but they can at least keep their mouths shut. Being old is no excuse to be an asshole.
LemonandLime 13
And in 50 years time someone will be telling you that your opinions are no longer acceptable. Does that make you wrong?
meso222 8
Alot of times it is just better to let them spout off whatever abcenity they will and ignore it. Most times they are to old to learn not to or simply don't care. It's like saying ****, lots of people now say it but in ten years it will be just as bad as any racist slur our grandparents have now. Not to us because we grew up with it but they will look at it differently. (Maybe not **** but there will words) I will still say them all wether some rugrat tell me its offensive or not...
Mmkay1515 21
Introduce her to your black boyfriend.
saucyrossi 18
It says he's a dude...
kemic 7
I think that was the point. What better way of trying to anger this grandmother than by revealing you are a homosexual and your boyfriend is of african-american decent. Just trying to get her more riled up for fun.
djxerxes9000 18
Way to play it safe and say "African- American" , saying "black" isn't racist and niether is "porch monkey". ****** is.. *mutters to self "oh please someone understand the reference or I'll look REAL bad. (Although noone knows if im black or not mwhaha)
ekb777 13
Your grandmother sounds lovely. Grandmothers who bake cookies and say I love you are overrated
VeganVampyre 26
You're right. I thought I was lucky to have the loving, cookie-baking type, but now I see how much more interesting and entertaining this other type can be. So many possibilities!
juliaannw 11
Grandparents are just the sweetest things.
flushedaway 8
Then don't ask her to leave, tell her to leave.
laden_swallow09 34
In fact, force her to leave!
groovycrazyjoe 18
Sorry op but Gram pretty bad lol
cb1002630 11
Trolly granny stepping up to the UFC level on your ass.
HeartOfLead 24
As soon as I read the first sentence, I knew this FML was going to be a knock out.
DocBastard 38
Walk up to her, whisper "Soon" in her ear, and walk away victoriously. She'll get it.
groovycrazyjoe 18
don't blame her she not use to this day and age
sierralem 3
Granny has had many years to get with the program. She probably proclaims to be religious while she spews her hate. Yuck.