Today, my pet parrot learned a new trick. In addition to imitating my dog, and my voice when I call my mother, it can now imitate my sex noises, and likes to screech them whenever someone comes into the room. FML
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Today, my boyfriend's parents' parrot won't stop imitating my sex moans, and keeps doing it whenever I speak. FML
Today, my parrot learned how to imitate my baby's crying. Now, every time the baby cries, the parrot joins in, and it sounds like a chorus of screaming. FML
Today, my parents were taking a tour of my apartment when my bird started making noises. It was mimicking my moans from when I was having sex yesterday. It was screaming in my voice, very noticeably. FML
Today, I realised my parrot loves to masturbate on anything soft I own, like my sweater, house socks, blanket, and even my hair bun on the top of my head. I only realised this when my boyfriend pointed out that my parrot was humping my bun. FML
Today, my bird learned to mimic my fire alarm. It proved it to me at 3 am. FML
Today, after months of teaching my parrot to speak, he finally demonstrated his abilities. I accidentally set off my smoke detector, and he's been wailing like a dying banshee ever since. FML
Today, I have to look after my best friend's parrot for a few days. One minute out of the room, I came back in to find out that the parrot had taught my three-year-old the word "slut". Now the two won't stop screaming "slut" throughout the whole house. My wife thinks both learned the word from me. FML
Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, her pet bird whistled a tune she'd been trying to teach it. She stopped and congratulated it, and I took the chance to move it to the other room to prevent further distraction. She got mad and wouldn't let me back in bed because I just "untrained it." FML
Today, my bird learned how to mimic the fire alarm after my dad has been testing them for the last few months. He now enjoys sounding like a fire alarm anytime I turn the lights off with the other bird joining in. They live in my room. FML
Today, I found out my ten year-old brother and his best friend have taught our new parrot to say, "Shut up, bitch." We have a bunch of our extended family coming over tomorrow to see what the parrot can say. FML
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Top comments
Ukeee_X 19
You let your parrot see/hear those things? I couldn't do it with an audience. Again, you should get a gag.
karlcolt45 19
I don't think I could keep my compass pointed north with a parrot in the room...you must have a very accommodating boyfriend
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Comments (68)
wowlolreally 12
And I wonder who taught the parrot that sound ?
CareFace 16
OP clearly states it was her.
kenleybunch 15
Smart arse. ^
JennyyMeepMonroe 10
I apologize for intervening, but I think wowlolreally was being sarcastic. :)
TheAbstract 15
Sarcasm really doesn't work here since the OP was pretty blunt about it being her.
greatdanen 6
it was something like "arrrrrrr, I'm comminnnnnnn"
Ukeee_X 19
You let your parrot see/hear those things? I couldn't do it with an audience. Again, you should get a gag.
AngelSpit 18
I use to have a quaker parrot that picked up the same thing, thankfully he didn't do it very often but the funniest thing he would do is every time my husband would walk past me and smack or tap my ass and I didn't make a noise the bird would go "OW"
AngelSpit 18
I forgetting the point of my prior post the bird was not in the same room with us he was two rooms away but they still pick up on stuff even if they can barely hear it
AngelSpit 18
That or I'm lot louder than I think and I need to have a nice talk with the people upstairs ........
ShyAnn29 14
Birds are smart, they'll pick up words and sounds they like.
CueTheMusic 22
Well what do you expect from a parrot? If he can hear it clearly, your neighbours probably can too!
karlcolt45 19
I don't think I could keep my compass pointed north with a parrot in the room...you must have a very accommodating boyfriend
Starcatch77 20
I've actually never heard that before. That analogy made my day.
karlcolt45 19
my pleasure!
Albanic 7
Tell people it caught it off of the t.v? lol oh my...
kishorekumar_a 10
Then they will think OP watches too much ****... He He He
apax 9
Easy out for that. "I was watching spartacus / trueblood / the tudors / oz" ...ahem.
green2go 14
I hear that parrot taste a lot like chicken
outoftown 26
Blame the neighbors ;)
hnz 13
Then quickly teach the parrot a few new tricks and it will forget the current ones!
geekpower_fml 28
That's not how it works. Sorry. I own parrots and they're smarter than that.
ShyAnn29 14
They're a lot smarter than that! I also have one.
xx000o 27
They don't forget, they just add it to their repertoire. You have to be careful what you say, do, think. Any sound/noise generated can be repeated, the louder it is the better the probability they will remember it. Smoke alarms are an excellent example.
xx000o 27
btw, they love chicken, especially the breast.
Serisent 26
...one of these things is not like the others. Why would you be doing that where the bird can hear?
Wolvander88 19
Teach your parrot to say - "Help! They turned me into a parrot!". Should work as a good distraction.
Pleonasm 35
Brings new meaning to "Polly wants a Cracker"
RedPillSucks 31
Sweet Polly Purebred want's to have sex with some country white dude?
Enslaved 36
Isn't me, have a seed Let me clip your dirty wings Let me take a ride, cut yourself Want some help, please myself
MitChell127 5
Do you know what that song is about? It's quite ****** up how it actually relates to the FML.
sugarshane007 20
Someone really needs to do their research before randomly spouting off Nirvana lyrics. Not even remotely relevant.
Enslaved 36
20, I wrote it because it was under Pleonasm's #9 comment about "Polly wants a cracker". (Relevant to me) Dang some of my comments seem to tick you off often. This isn't the first time you bitched about them. Relax, It's all good fun and how my mind works when I read some of the FMLs and comments. :P
RedPillSucks 31
I picture "Enslaved", 5 inch pumps propped up on the library table, (yes, wearing nothing else) busily doing "research" for her next FML post. Yes, I'm twisted.
Enslaved 36
Twisted like a Transistor, RPS?:P Well, "Hey you, hey you Finally you get it The world ain't fair Eat you if you let it"
sugarshane007 20
45, I must admit, I laughed at that one. And usually your comments don't tick me off, just that one felt in poor taste given the subject matter of the song, that's all. Honestly, I rarely pay attention to commenters names, I usually just react to the comment, not the commenter.