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Today, my mom decided to give me relationship advice. She told me the key to a happy/successful relationship was "letting your man explore ALL your orifices." FML

#130109 (78)

I agree, your life sucks (32110) - you totally deserved it (2032)

On 02/25/2009 at 12:35am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

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Comments

At least it's accurate dating advice.

#1 - On 02/25/2009 at 6:16am by bah

Well, she's right.

#2 - On 02/25/2009 at 6:18am by toz

Does your mom have a phone number?

#3 - On 02/25/2009 at 6:19am by z

duh

#4 - On 02/25/2009 at 6:29am by tera

Yeah, your body exists for other people to use, and your worth is limited to the pleasure men get out of your body. Nobody will care about you for anything else, right? It doesn't really matter what YOU want.

Way to contribute to rape culture, mom.

#5 - On 02/25/2009 at 6:35am by C!

http://www.fmylife.com/sex/7619

^This would never have happened if the poster had a mum like yours to advise her XD

#6 - On 02/25/2009 at 6:47am by Tri

Great mom!!!

#7 - On 02/25/2009 at 7:05am by sucking@life

Explained by the moms, it's easier than explained by us, guy...

#8 - On 02/25/2009 at 7:17am by factory

Wow... so your mom is into aural & nasal sex too?!

#9 - On 02/25/2009 at 7:33am by Sciamachy

#9 its oral

#10 - On 02/25/2009 at 7:41am by disgusted

@10, aural = ear...Since the mother said explore ALL orifices..

#11 - On 02/25/2009 at 7:46am by anony

Yeah #5 that's exactly what was said. The mom said go get raped.

Anyway, I'm assuming your mom hasn't even thought of some of the sick crap these people are referencing. There isn't a man on the planet that will complain if he is getting sex and the semi-regular BJ though.

#12 - On 02/25/2009 at 7:50am by PFog

... and do the same to him... FYL

#13 - On 02/25/2009 at 8:14am by :D

the advice is great! the image of my mom doing anal is not. FML

#14 - On 02/25/2009 at 8:44am by 3lended7wice

#13, that's a good way to get hit.

#15 - On 02/25/2009 at 8:44am by lulz

douche chill

#16 - On 02/25/2009 at 8:55am by Will9

#13.. domestic violence starts now.

#17 - On 02/25/2009 at 9:01am by Madame.

She tells it like it is.

#18 - On 02/25/2009 at 9:12am by PhoenixLE

She is correct.

#19 - On 02/25/2009 at 9:27am by ?

good advice mom, hey tell your mom to call me so i can get your name and number and maybe i can explore your aural!! #10 you are a dumbass

#20 - On 02/25/2009 at 9:40am by too funny

This comment has been moderated.

#21 - On 02/25/2009 at 9:54am by Bryan!

whoa ur mum is great... how i hope all mums in the world are like your mum... so submissive

#22 - On 02/25/2009 at 10:00am by hotmale

listen to your mom! she's right!

#23 - On 02/25/2009 at 10:28am by so great

Oh yeah, #22? Even YOUR mom??

#24 - On 02/25/2009 at 11:01am by Ikeagirl

#9, nasal is nasty but aural is really not bad at all. I've been licked around the ear, in the ear, and it feels nice. I mean of course for the licker, he or she should make sure your ears are clean first.

#25 - On 02/25/2009 at 11:07am by Tim

Haha. Your mom likes buttsex.

#26 - On 02/25/2009 at 11:10am by burdenofaday

Hit the nail on the head she did.

#27 - On 02/25/2009 at 11:28am by YEP

My mother told me, "listen to your parents' advice, but make your own educated choices."

#28 - On 02/25/2009 at 11:37am by alwaysalady

wow! "let your man do whatever he wants to you"
nice advise mom :|

I say if I guy wants anal sex, he should accept to shove a dildo up his first

that's only fair :D

#29 - On 02/25/2009 at 12:09pm by alanajoy

#27, is that you, Yoda?

#30 - On 02/25/2009 at 12:28pm by KC

not something a mom should be saying to a daughter at all. Unless she is trying reverse psychology than i can understand that

#31 - On 02/25/2009 at 1:10pm by andy

This comment has been moderated.

#32 - On 02/25/2009 at 1:17pm by petey piranha

i want to meet your mother i would explore every wear and leave my secret ingredient in it...

#33 - On 02/25/2009 at 1:22pm by thebigguy

#29, rock on sister! LMAO!!

#34 - On 02/25/2009 at 1:33pm by Joy

awkwardddddd.

#35 - On 02/25/2009 at 1:39pm by ahhs

What guy hasn't stuck something up their asses? Get some prostate pressure while you knock one out! Women should stop being all uptight about anal, you can have some pretty awesome g-spot orgasms if you take control and show the guy how to do it (If he's new to it)

#36 - On 02/25/2009 at 1:49pm by Eosdominus

This comment has been moderated.

#37 - On 02/25/2009 at 2:28pm by mushroomcloud

To #29, at a certain age, guys get to have their doctor stick their finger up his ass, and pay for it. Is that not enough payback?

#38 - On 02/25/2009 at 3:35pm by Hungry

haha #38, I know what you're saying but women have things stuffed up them all the time
i go to the gyno and have cold metal steel put in me..i've had my gyno put 3 fingers up my ass so she can feel my ovaries better

and we do this once a year for the majority of our lives

sorry you don't get sympathy :)
lol!!

#39 - On 02/25/2009 at 4:04pm by alanajoy

Sounds like she knows how to have a happy marriage

#40 - On 02/25/2009 at 4:26pm by Joey

Don't forget the nose!

#41 - On 02/25/2009 at 4:27pm by brave

#38 -- hungry -- thats only payback for the guy if his dick as as big as a finger... and which case, he's already been punished his whole life with a laughably small penis.

#39 -- alanajoy -- lucky doctor.

#42 - On 02/25/2009 at 6:00pm by sillypun

@ #25
Ain't that the truth.
Its also a big gateway for stimulus if you get what I'm gettin at.

#43 - On 02/25/2009 at 6:15pm by that_one_guy

@ #39, seriously?? I've had a dozen gynecologists in different cities, and not one ever put anything up my ass. Sounds like your doc is...special.

#44 - On 02/25/2009 at 6:17pm by dopey

#42 very funny LOL

#44 - yeah I've asked everyone around me - about half of the people I've spoken to get checked anally too...about half don't.. my gyno said she prefers to do it because you feel much more and you're more likely to find it if something is wrong -- I definitely don't enjoy it, but it's quick and painless, so :P loll!

#45 - On 02/25/2009 at 6:20pm by alanajoy

#29 LMAO.. many women would be surprised how often they would get "OK" as an answer to that... now what do you do?

#46 - On 02/25/2009 at 7:01pm by MCart

# 46 ---> if my guy were willing to put a dildo up his ass, I definitely would agree to anal sex! How could I not?? loll

#47 - On 02/25/2009 at 7:23pm by alanajoy

47, you should make the offer and see what he says ;)

#48 - On 02/25/2009 at 7:25pm by MCart

I like your mum. she can give me a call.

#49 - On 02/25/2009 at 7:30pm by fish1806

Three input Zing!

#50 - On 02/25/2009 at 9:19pm by The Zinger

that's not bad at all... your life isn't fucked in any way whatsoever...

#51 - On 02/25/2009 at 9:37pm by jon

ooo girllllll
well, I'll stick it in your bum i'll stick it in your ear, I'll stick it in the usual spotsss.
I 'll stretch out your nose and stick it 'tween your toes .
A just cause it could be fun, you can take out your glass eye and then I should be done.

(to the tune of somewhere over the rainbow)

#52 - On 02/25/2009 at 10:46pm by oootimmy

way better than the advice i give or get

#53 - On 02/26/2009 at 12:38am by TheOrpheus

Thank your mom for me.

#54 - On 02/26/2009 at 1:45am by Me

haha maybe it didnt come out right..

#55 - On 02/26/2009 at 2:44am by Gunner

Take the advice.

#56 - On 02/26/2009 at 5:47am by BEEEES!

You guys missed the point. It's the key to a happy marriage, not the key to getting a boyfriend in the first place.

It can simply be taken as "be completely open to your husband; not excluding sexually."

#57 - On 02/26/2009 at 10:14am by Linkshot

#57 - I think YOU missed the point lol -- it's fucked up because mothers aren't supposed to say that to their daughters

#58 - On 02/26/2009 at 12:26pm by taniap

what a wise wise woman

#59 - On 02/26/2009 at 3:56pm by tech_guy

#36- The Majority.

On the same note, most guys have NOT tried to suck their own dick either

#60 - On 02/26/2009 at 5:13pm by random

@#60: Ha. Most guys -- probably all of them -- HAVE tried at least once. Only a few ever succeed, though. :P

#61 - On 02/26/2009 at 5:54pm by burdenofaday

youre mom is so right

#62 - On 02/26/2009 at 8:03pm by mike

I wish I was your father, your mother sounds like my type of woman. Sex is suppose to be consensual, only do what is within your comfort level.... but, keep an open mind

#63 - On 02/27/2009 at 7:56am by Us3rNam3

THAT IS HILLARIOUS

#64 - On 02/27/2009 at 4:27pm by cnnrstllllllll

yuck, i just thought of a johnny entering a nostril... XD

#65 - On 02/28/2009 at 12:21pm by Zic

TMI, mom. T. M. I.

#66 - On 03/07/2009 at 10:34pm by CrazedLeper

no one has a comment about #52? ..

#67 - On 03/17/2009 at 6:53pm by ohhboyy

"Don't feed the trolls" is my comment about #52

#68 - On 03/19/2009 at 5:28pm by MCart

Do you have a younger sister?

#69 - On 03/30/2009 at 12:42am by xiang

Yeah what 63 said.

#70 - On 04/08/2009 at 11:38am by Jackthestripper

well that's.....disturbing....

#71 - On 04/11/2009 at 12:34pm by MiSs_GeEk

well, it's good advice! but, she should have included that you don't HAVE to do anything that you don't want to do.

#72 - On 04/21/2009 at 11:23pm by InspiredByGaGa

So true

#73 - On 06/08/2009 at 5:11am by iampjman

#10 wow you are a genius

#74 - On 06/12/2009 at 12:54am by jake1246

You should take her advice, it's true.

#75 - On 06/12/2009 at 1:27am by mikew85

Your mom is right

#76 - On 07/04/2009 at 6:12pm by Shyman4ever

...o_o;

#77 - On 08/19/2009 at 5:22pm by monster_tamer

your mom is the shit

#78 - On 09/30/2009 at 1:26pm by BreeKnox

ur moms awesome

#79 - On 12/21/2009 at 12:16am by jlsalin

win.

#80 - On 01/05/2010 at 12:39pm by ming88

best advice your mom could give you

#81 - On 01/15/2010 at 2:12am by dochoc

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