Today, I finally hooked up with the boy of my dreams at a party. Later, while on AIM, I noticed one of his friend's away messages was a quote from the guy's screen name, which said, "I can't believe what I stick my dick In sometimes." FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I made up an ingenious plan to finally hook up with the guy I really like at a party. Well, the plan itself worked great. Too bad I got so drunk that I used it on the wrong person. FML
Today, at a party, I watched the guy I've liked for AGES come out of a bedroom with one of my gay male friends. They were in there for a while. FML
Today, I hooked up with a guy I'm totally in love with. After finishing, he burst into tears about being in love with another girl. I had to comfort him. FML
Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML
Today, I joined my friends out birthday clubbing. After I'd gotten a little drunk, a few guys asked for my number. I rattled off random numbers, until I accidentally said my mother's. Guess who woke up to a text at 2:17 in the morning, containing a picture of a penis. FML
Today, when I was done masturbating to the thought of my crush I noticed my phone was lit up. I turned it over and stared in horror as I saw a call connected to him. I had been loudly moaning his name. I guess I hit his speed dial when I was setting my phone down. He was definitely still on the line. FML
Today, I woke up from a night of crazy drunken sex with a guy I had met at a friends 23rd birthday party. The lights had been off when we had stumbled in to his house the night before. When I opened my eyes today, the first thing I saw was his family picture, complete with his wife and son. FML
Today, I found out the guy I’m in love with has been side-messaging one of my closest friends about hooking up for sex. This isn’t the first guy this has happened with. FML
Today, I finally hooked up with a guy I've been hanging out with for two months. Afterwards, while we're getting dressed, he says, "You better be clean. If you're not tell me now so I don't pass it on to my girlfriend." Stunned, all I could say was, "Girlfriend?!" His reply, "Well, technically, my fiancée." FML
Today, after months of dinners, coffees, drinks, and a few nights together, the girl of my dreams told me about this awesome guy she met yesterday. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thank you, your FML was submitted, and will appear the moderation soon!
Top comments
StingRay1971 1
check for STDs
Tubasaurus 0
If you just had spontaneous sex with the guy expecting him to suddenly fall in love with you then I can't feel sorry for you. Sex is not a contract nor is it protection from stupid assholes being stupid assholes.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (198)
StingRay1971 1
check for STDs
BussellRishop 0
to be fair, aim is a pileofsh1t
pelican2 0
there's no need for the "is", and you misspelled "I'am"
LuckyCharms_fml 0
Pelican you are an idiot lol. aim = AIM, AOL Instant Messanger.
iloveidi0ts 0
OBV#73 is a dumbass :]
pelican2 0
and your unbelievably moronic, try reading the sentence after my changes before you start flaming
hugzandkisses666 0
i think they did that on purpose
_iloveyou_ 0
i'm sorry, i dont get your changes, how do they alter the sentence?
divineinstrument 2
This argument doesn't make any sense. Pelican's the biggest dumbass here and yet he's calling other people dumbasses. The word "is" is not found anywhere in the FML, and aim is correct. Not only is Pelican trying to correct spelling&grammar, but he's completely failed at it.
michelle4srs 0
You people are retarded. #69 was correcting #62 so that #62's statement would then read "I'am a pile of shit" [by taking out the is and changing aim into I'am]
Soniplaystation 0
dont be a prick...she already feels bad she didnt misspell "I am", you actually did there's no " ' " aim is aol instant messenger, ass
ellbtvsvm 0
Fail @ understanding a joke.
humorizer 14
Agreed with 109. He's obviously dissing the second comment, telling her that she misspelled it as "I am is a pile of shit" and that it should be changed to "I am a pile of shit". You should all laugh. Not too many people nowadays that can calculate jokes like that.
missmeliss0309 0
Read the sentence with pelican's changes. It now reads "I am a pile of shit". epic fail, guys, epic.
jjenniferr05 0
lmaoo.. pelicans not such a dumbass now.
xTIGERxLILYx 0
That's funny. What exactly does "I'am" mean?. You can't possibly be trying to say "I am" or "I'm," right? Fail.
pelican2 0
don't you just love the internet? :)
pelican2 0
...
NNNOM 1
i get that you're trying to make a joke, and that you know what aim is, but that kind of sarcasm/funniness is kind of hard to relate over text. that's why there are like 6 replies to your one comment. haha. oh, well.
fdyourmom 0
....
atticuz 2
they don't, he's an idiot period lol
granthm 0
he's not talking about the fml he's talking abou a comment. but his joke isn't funny
MadPercussion 0
I am 16 and I understood Pelicans comment within the first second of reading the text. It's quite ridiculous how many idiots are on here!
Aoifexzx 3
i think she meant on him
toooldforthis 19
the '69 sting ray was better than the '71... just saying
bootyful86 7
Wow. You're stupid.
mrbobmarley4 8
I wish I was here 3 years ago to insult you..
NaturallyUnlucky 0
Well, that's less than pleasant.
jjenniferr05 0
Well, that boy seriously needs taught a lesson. Don't let it get you down, Get him back.
pelican2 0
the feminatzi-ism in this thread is unbelievable
lmmmr 0
There is nothing feminist about any of the comments. People just don't like when other people are assholes. But personally, I think YDI. You can't randomly sleep with people at parties and expect them to respect you. You have to act in a manner deserving respect.
redbluegreen 40
I have to agree wholeheartedly with #94.
abouttofly 12
Feminazi: because someone who doesn't like sexism is about to invade Poland.
humorizer 14
Yeah, except if you say that, you're totally agreeing with what he says. If "he couldn't get it up even though he's never had that problem before," you do realize that this means the issue lies with her, not him, right? Some people are foolish. lol
lmmmr 0
What are you even talking about?
humorizer 14
My first reply was to 5's comment. You know how effed up fml's commenting system is... Don't blame it on me.
Emma_91 0
Men like that are assholes. Agree with #3, revenge XD
bmach 0
Holy shit, why not just let it go? A guy would never seek revenge on a girl who said "I can't believe what I put in my ****** sometimes" on her god damn instant messaging screen name. You know why? Because we're not a bunch of ******* lunatics. Women are insane.
joeydboy123 0
hahaha good point there
Morokea 0
#106 - OP never claimed to be seeking revenge. As far as I can tell, they are simply hurt.
jjenniferr05 0
Lmao. A guy wouldn't seek revenge? As if. A guys pride is their most prized quality, including their dick. If she went around telling people he was a shit shag.. He wouldn't respond aye? Lmao.
wingedeggplant 0
Oh my god! Men bitch just as much as women, if not more if their pride is hurt! Or if people are talking about them! But I don't think the OP said anything about revenge, but I think the point is here that it hurts to be talked about... for anyone.
Emma_91 0
Oh yes, if she'd gone around insulting the guy I'm sure he would have done nothing (sarcasm). Guys bitch so much. And I might as well say that men are ******* insane. And technically you can't put your ****** in anything XD By the way, it was a ******* joke. That's why the XD was in there.
cyanidesprings 0
That's why he said,"what I put in my ****** sometimes." Not ,"what I put my ****** in". Learn to read.
untoldfame 3
if you want to get him back, you could always make a fake conversation between you and he, and just post his SN on it. maybe something like, sorry i couldnt get it up, thats never happened to me before?
dyingstart 0
Good plan :)
Rok_fml 0
You WIN!
Dante167 0
That would kinda work against The OP because if she is ugly, its no surprise he couldn't get it up. And she must be pretty unattractive for him to say "I cant believe what I stick my d*** in sometimes."
noshitsherlock 0
Ah, young love... it is messy, they dump you EVEN though they're the losers and you should've dumped them.
pelican2 0
wtf are you talking about, this was the guy of her dreams.... the guy who she probably went to the party with the sole intention of hooking up with.. the guy is not the loser, its the girl who wanted to f*** him not the other way around
joeydboy123 0
plus it was just a hook up,not a relationship dumass
wow_tehe 0
You misspelled dumbass, dumbass. ;D
Tubasaurus 0
If you just had spontaneous sex with the guy expecting him to suddenly fall in love with you then I can't feel sorry for you. Sex is not a contract nor is it protection from stupid assholes being stupid assholes.
deliapearl 0
man of your dreams? this is what you want to take home to Mom? hooking up does not lead to respect or dating. get to know someone before you let them stick their D in you.
teamhat 0
i agree with a #7 and 8. 'Hooking up' rarely leads to an actual relationship. that guy may be a dick for saying that, but you can't actually expect him to be with you after, as #7 said, spontaneous sex.
gorguz14evar 0
I really dont know what to think..