Today, my girlfriend decided to wake me up from a nap by kissing me. I started kissing her back passionately, when she slapped me. Apparently, kissing her back automatically without "confirming her identity" counts as cheating. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
Today, I got woken up and kicked out of bed. Apparently if I cheat in her dreams it still counts. FML
Today, I leaned over my sleeping girlfriend, kissed her cheek and told her I love her. She punched me in the ear. FML
Today, I snuck up on my girlfriend to give her a kiss. Only after I planted a big one did I realize it was not my girlfriend, or even a girl for that matter. FML
Today, a girl and I were flirting and it was going well. Feeling bold, I asked what she would do if I kissed her. She smiled flirtatiously and said "Why don't you try it and find out?" I went in for a kiss, and she slapped me. FML
Today, before I went to work, I wanted to kiss my wife goodbye while she was asleep, She punched me. FML
Today, while my girlfriend and I were making out, she went to fix the pillow behind her head and punched me straight in the face. FML
Today, I asked my wife for a kiss. She snarled, "I'm your WIFE, just fucking kiss me! You don't have to ask!" Later, I went in for a kiss and she slapped me, then yelled that it was my fault for "getting in her face." FML
Today, my girlfriend snuck up behind me to cover my eyes and play "guess who." The second her hands touched my face, I grabbed her, twisted her wrists, and kneed her to the floor out of instinct. FML
Today, I confessed to cheating to my girlfriend. She decided to go up to the girl and ask her about it. The girl denied it and said she didn't even know me. My girlfriend walked up to me, called me a liar and punched me in the face. FML
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Top comments
drayloon 50
So you cheated on her with her? Oh ok that makes sense
Cheeley 17
Well lock the door in case she does.
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Comments (160)
tootsie68 22
That's kind of bipolar on her part. FYL op
poopsi 19
No, I know Bipolar people. Bipolar Is one thing, a severe case of stupidity is another.. Sorry, OP. Dodged a bullet. X.x
whos_ur_daddy1 19
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
All girls are bipolar
SunAndMoon427 12
100-you sir, sound like an idiot with that statement.
whos_ur_daddy1 19
Stfu all girls go through their period and get mood swings so there for the are bipolar I didn't ask for your Opinion.
Genociiide 15
You may not have asked for her opinion but you're still an idiot. Bipolar disorder is more than just mood swings.
thrifting 18
It pisses me off when people refer to bipolar disorder for every bitchy thing someone does. We are not like that at all.
drayloon 50
So you cheated on her with her? Oh ok that makes sense
dinkibus 18
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
That's women for you
Roskie 16
*crazy women
ArielTheMermaid 17
Kind of like that FML where he sent his girlfriend "anonymous" flowers and she dumped him for being less romantic than a stranger
False_Stupidity 41
Probably a little overused but "Bitches be Crazy" seems appropriate here..
FrietvanPiet 16
How could you?!
SalviBarbie 15
I think OP's girlfriend is the one who has the dirty secret in this FML. I mean, cheaters accuse their partner of cheating because of guilt trips. Maybe this was her way of getting rid of you without admitting she's the cheater.
Cheeley 17
Well lock the door in case she does.
slickchrome 11
Crazy bitches don't use doors
nightbirdblue 27
They also don't use windows. Block the chimney and listen for someone trying to tunnel in the basement.
ThatsMyPie 20
My girlfriend would find it unbelievably romantic if I kissed back. Who else would kiss me awake in my own bed?
feelingold 18
they might not have been in his/her bed........
AbstraktThoughts 13
The same roommate who would stick their toe in your mouth while you're sleeping?
yousuck44 11
43- My own brother did that to me when I was sleeping but I repaid the favor with throwing up in his bed :)
JaneChemi_fml 21
umm... I think you may need to talk to your brother...
d4m4s74 12
I would have told her I confirmed her identity already by the way she kisses. Nah, who am I kidding, I don't even have someone to kiss me in the morning
blacktower 13
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
LOL me too Hahaha
perdix 29
#6, #12, aw, I'll kiss you both (if you are girls.) If you are not attractive, I might require that you buy me a meal ;)
lordslaya53 14
#66 a drink or 10*
jem970 19
Perdix. Always so selfless.
perdix 29
#75, thank you. And don't forget "reasonably priced." ;)
d4m4s74 12
66. I'm male, but you can still kiss me if you want. I'll buy you a beer.
leogachi 15
Will kiss for beer. Make yourself a sign.
aileen15 15
awww that is too cute!!!
cocacola999 27
Crazy alert...
MsFML_ 16
Tell her you recognized her lips and kisses & you could never forget them! (;
crymore007 11
Or he could let that crazy bitch leave
Barriaultcory 16
A man's logic, never to be understood
HouseElf 13
*woman's
spaboolly 26
*Idiot's
jazzy514 7
Well it's better to find out she's crazy sooner than later.