Today, I was on a date with this guy I just met and we went to a fancy restaurant. Halfway through the meal, there was an awkward silence, and he decided to end it by saying "You know, you chew like a cow." FML
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Today, I was on a double date at a restaurant with two friends of mine and a guy I really liked. Things started getting really quiet so I decided to start talking to make things a little bit less awkward even though I was eating. I ended up spitting a piece of chicken across the table. FML
Today, I went on a date with an amazing girl. The date was going well, until she started eating. Although her mouth was closed the entire time, she somehow still made the loudest, most disgusting chewing noises I’ve ever heard. I felt bad about dumping her over that, but I just couldn’t continue. FML
Today, I went on my first date with a girl I have been infatuated with for months. At the restaurant, the waiter came while she was in the bathroom. I ordered steaks for both of us. Turns out, she is vegetarian, and doesn't like it when men are "overly aggressive." She called me a cow murderer. FML
Today, I went on my first date in nearly a year. A few minutes into the meal, he called me "scrumptious" and made animal noises for the rest of it. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I really like. Midway through dinner, I felt something stuck in my teeth and, trying to be discreet, attempted to remove it. In the process, I flicked a piece of food across the table and it landed in his drink. He looked at it, then at me, then sighed. FML
Today, I went on my first date in 8 years. While we were looking at the menu, the guy said: "So if you're vegetarian, why're you so fat?" FML
Today, I went on a first date with a guy. As soon as we sat down at the restaurant, he immediately snatched my menu and said "You're having salad." FML
Today, I was on a dinner date with a guy I really like. I guess I was on my phone too much because halfway through the date he sent me a text saying how much my half of the bill would be. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy I've had a crush on for ages. Midway through the meal, he sighed and said, "I'll be honest, this is a horrible date. You got zero personality and I'm too lazy to do a window escape, so..." He then got up and walked out. FML
Today, my boyfriend took me out to a fancy dinner. Halfway through, he said he wanted to break up. I started crying, but the whole restaurant thought he'd proposed, and started clapping. FML
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Top comments
FalconCrunch 4
Did you tell him to suck on your udders?
hopelessteej 8
aw! and who said romance was dead?!
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Comments (112)
hopelessteej 8
aw! and who said romance was dead?!
dinosxxrawr 22
this guy sure knows his way to a woman's heart.
Shenanigans9 8
And here I was thinking girls like honest guys.
Grand_Cookie 21
Yeah, when they're honest about how much of a TOTAL BITCH Stacy for work is and how no one appreciates them there. Also, there is no understanding women. Figure that out right now.
xALEXx_fml 15
Did you offer him a class of milk?
Ambient25 24
Well I guess we found out we could pay her in grass if we needed a favor
biggestfan23 11
#28 that first part of your comment confused me
NeinKittenz 20
#28 I rate that comment 10 stupid out of 10
MrSarcasmic 10
if girls really believed in romance the "friendzone" wouldn't exist
suboy 10
I understand what 28 was getting at. Like when your girlfriend comes home from work and instantly talking about what "that bitch Stacy" did at work today and you have no choice but to be "honest" and agree with her.
FalconCrunch 4
Did you tell him to suck on your udders?
TourettesGuyFTW 25
Did he try to make a moove on you later that evening?
Pwn17 25
Shoulda said "I'll slaughter you like a cow if you say another word."
Neonemerld 21
Woah now, 17, that's a bit harsh isn't it?
TourettesGuyFTW 25
Shush 26, you're talking BULLshit. I'm gonna milk these cow puns for all I can.
Danielle7994 18
Damn...that must have been a MOOd killer. No? Mkay...
then000bster 16
If he had calf the decency to take it back he should have offered to take you to the moovies.
clever_name_here 7
Theyre on a date. Relax
Pwn17 25
@26 Yeah, looking back, it is way too harsh. Sounded a lot funnier in my head. Sorry.
lex1459 38
Oh geez, that's a little harsh :/ sorry op!
Jeffo193 13
I dunno; assuming he's telling the truth and OP does chew like a cow then that's pretty disgusting...have you ever seen a cow chewing? :-P
Ameel_fml 19
Do cows chew particularly grossly? I mean, I used to live near a cow farm and the cows chewed like any other animal. :O
iluvpeanutbutter 22
Well, they often open their mouths quite wide so you can see the cud, and they also end up with green slobber all over their mouths, so yes, they are pretty gross.
Jeffo193 13
They also tend to rotate their lower jaw as they do it...it's gross >_
Zebediabolical 43
Don't forget that they regurgitate partially digested food and chew on that again for a while. So yeah, it could be pretty gross.
Arkana_fml 14
What a jerk, you should dump him.
Incredidanny 5
She's on a date with a guy she just met. Not a boyfriend.
perdix 29
#25, I don't think she's going to get the chance to dump him. When a guy announces that she chews like a cow on the first date, the idea of a second date is a *lowers sunglasses* MOOt point.
Jaxx66 21
Even if she was dating him, that's a horrible reason to dump someone! OP could very well chew like a cow, slow and deliberate... Although it'd be amusing if she also had a blank stare while eating!
sexyboi1985 27
Do u really ?
Catkam623 27
C'mon man it's 2 letters and it even says in the rules of commenting no text talk how much harder is it to say you then u.
fordneagles 34
You skipped two letters in 'come on', a comma or two, a full stop, a question mark, and you used 'then' instead of 'than'.
narkill 13
...Moooo!
cuddly_scorpion 4
Then don't chew like a cow, OP.
Dave_Davington 33
Does he realise that breaking the silence is supposed to diffuse the awkwardness, not crank it up to 11?
crammer1 6
I'm sure the sound of OP's eating was filling up enough silence for him.
bexxiiee 11
The truth hurts, I guess ;)
Meme1988 18
What an ass!! Who say stuff like that? And on a first date?
mn_shr 22
A guy that's hoping there won't be a second date
rangerPat 12
Someone who obviously has a problem with another person chewing with their mouth open. No one should think that OP's date was a douche. He simply stated an observation of a terrible habit OP likely has.
carry_on 19
You should have mooo'd loudly until he was forced to leave.
3mILY_maRy629 11
That's what I would have done.