Today, I was woken up by my drunk girlfriend calling me and saying how much she loves me. She then stopped to tell the guy she was in bed with to be quiet because I might hear him. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, the guy I've been sleeping with for the last three weeks got really drunk. I drove him home from the party and took care of him. At 2am he asked for the phone. When I asked what for, he said he wanted to drunk dial his girlfriend. FML
Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML
Today, I leaned over my sleeping girlfriend, kissed her cheek and told her I love her. She punched me in the ear. FML
Today, I realized that the only time my girlfriend ever calls me is when she's drunk. FML
Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML
Today, I was texting this guy that I really liked. Things were going pretty well. I got a call from his number and excitedly answered it. It was his girlfriend asking if he was bothering me because he likes to text random people when he's drunk. FML
Today, I woke up from a night of heavy drinking to find my girlfriend dumped me. Apparently I drunk-called her last night and told her that someone as beautiful as her could be with someone way better than me. She agreed. FML
Today, a guy drunkenly professed his love for me. He did this after walking in on me peeing, which he decided was the time to tell me such a thing. FML
Today, I was cuddling in bed with my girlfriend after a night of heavy drinking. She rolled towards me, looked me in the eyes and sweetly said, "I love you". Her morning breath was so bad that I had to jump up and rush to the bathroom to vomit, leaving a trail along the way. FML
Today, I recently started seeing a girl and I slept over at her house for the first time. Apparently, I still talk in my sleep. This morning she told me I whispered, "I love you so much." FML
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Top comments
AnthonyWheeler15 24
Move on OP. You deserve better.
Mynameislinh 24
I am so sorry. Dump her right away and kick the other guy's ass. I hate how some people think being drunk gives you the right to do stupid stuff like that.
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Comments (148)
AnthonyWheeler15 24
Move on OP. You deserve better.
BreynHope 11
Bitches when there drunk..I swear.
Welshite 39
#7: As far as I'm concerned, you just assembled a random assortment of words and shoved them together.
perdix 29
#1, maybe he doesn't. He let his girlfriend party without him -- why isn't he getting drunk with her, or at least, being her designated driver?
golden_warrior 23
28- is because he has his own life. Would you want a girl friend that you have to monitor 24/7 to make sure she is not cheating?
journeytotheend 16
28 - Maybe because its Wednesday and he has a job to attend do
timelessone 16
I for one won't stand for this, if this place were parish you'd all be condemned.
Hobbit79 10
What's a parish? ._.
Wimoweh 10
I'm not the authority on this, but I think it's a church?
empathique_fml 9
28 is partially right... We don't know if he deserves better. Maybe she is an amazing person helping someone solve problems at a party and it happens to be in a bedroom...
Lacist 19
#49 It's a reference to the song "I Constantly Thank God For Esteban" by Panic! At The Disco.
Zebediabolical 43
It's Louisiana's version of a county.
blackman100 20
83: She just happens to be helping a guy in the bed of whom we can only assume isn't her house? She just happened to drunkenly remind her boyfriend of how much she loves him, but doesn't want this supposed boyfriend to know that she is in bed "helping" another man? Seems a bit coincidental.
MissyMiss5 13
I thought it was funny! :)
dakatabg 31
Dam straight
world_on_fire 4
except Panic! say 'if the scene were a parish..' (:
sig4life 18
Definitely time to say goodby. Find someone who doesn't need to 'help another guy' in a bed.
kyrisonfusion 22
She is not worth your time....good luck with all that and I hope you move on!
Tempest559 12
I agree just move on. The world will work things out. And besides she probably got the clap anyway.
Axipiter 24
I sincerely hope so...
bubina 14
Ya think?
TheNewGuy03 28
This is the part where OP's girlfriend gets either outright dumped or reduced to a casual ****, because **** being serious with that shit
MuseFan1991 14
55-not all girls who go out and get shitfaced without their partners end up cheating. this girl makes us pissheads look bad :P OP, believe everyone when they say you're better off without her. unless she has a genuine reason as to why she was with this guy get rid of her and find someone who won't treat you like a mug
feroxletum 6
Bitches be trippin
rg350dx 29
Hopefully this one trips off a cliff.
XDsmileyDX_fml 24
Another sentence error. "To the tell guy."
Olympiakos10 15
Does anyone care? No? *crickets* I thought so.
XDsmileyDX_fml 24
If that's a response to me, when mods, I'm guessing, see comments like that, the FML gets fixed and the comment deleted. Just trying to do my part.
zandalee 19
This one is as confused as a **** with pants on!
Erery 16
Very good use of that phrase
Mynameislinh 24
I am so sorry. Dump her right away and kick the other guy's ass. I hate how some people think being drunk gives you the right to do stupid stuff like that.
Tristyxxx 24
Why beat the guys ass? SHE cheated on you, he's probably drunk too and didnt know anyway.
stevothedevo 25
The guy is in bed with her and can hear what she is saying.. Of coarse he knows
Tristyxxx 24
I said didn't not doesnt
koningmax 7
so what? the guy isnt responsable for her relationship
fml0505 22
#42 After that fact when she was on the phone he had to have known, but before? Who knows? Usually, it's the cheater who should take all the blame. Not always tho..
nissa0909 16
It's 'course'. Not coarse.
MrConcise 34
@74 - I won't be helping my public character with this comment, but as the cheater, I avoided telling the side girl. It's generally a rule that if they don't already know, you don't clue the third party in. Unless OP knew the guy, which it sounded like he didn't, chances are he was out of the loop. Gotta use my scummy mistakes to educate others.
doumtabarnack 12
If the guys didn't know each other there are no reason to fight... the girl however should be buried
rawr_ily96 24
Here's what you need to do: 1. Go to her house. If she isn't there, track her phone somehow. 2. Beat the shit out of him and break up with her. Nobody deserves to be cheated on.
Fluffydemise 18
Is that what you need to do to be a creepy and violent sociopath who can't move on? Great checklist if so man, kudos.
Joe9024 20
Besides, it's not the other guys fault if he didn't know before hand she wasn't single.
Codezlol 21
If he were to do that he would just bring himself to her level, but with possible jail time. What he needs to do is just say good riddance... Life goes on...
PulseShock 9
Yeah because the whole "be quiet while I call my boyfriend" wasn't a dead give away that she wasn't single..
Llamacod 11
yea, it may have clued him into the fact she had a boyfriend at that point but what about before she told him to be quiet?
Welshite 39
She's showed her true colors now, OP. While I hate to say this, it probably would be for the best if you kicked her to the curb. You don't need to continue a relationship with a cheater.
Shortay123 14
Despite how painful that must have been depending in how good your relationship with her was before that, at least now you know. It would hurt a lot more if you found out a lot later.
perdix 29
She LOVES you -- she's just ******* the other guy under the influence of alcohol. Chillax.
peachesncreem 21
In the words of the legendary Ms. Tina Turner (and again by Warren G), "What's love got to do with it?".
rhysfucker 24
Don't forget Nate Dogg.
truesarrif 33
so you're saying telling a girl "my heart belongs to you but my dong is community property" really will fly?
perdix 29
#71, it probably won't, but it's worth a shot.
RedPillSucks 31
Every body rides her, just like a bus route.
emeraldisle 30
71 - please tell me you're making a steel panther reference. If so, I love you.
29dear 16
this is one of the situations where I'd love for the other line to forget to hang up, just so I could hear what's going on even more. I'm sorry op, but I wouldn't keep her anymore if I were you.
perdix 29
#11, really?!?! What kind of masochist are you?
29dear 16
you never know what you would hear. maybe she would start talking about him, you never know. if I heard anything to deal with sex, I personally would start crying and hang up. but that's just me, some people would be po'ed.
Fluffydemise 18
Clearly this is a classic case of masochistic cuckoldry if ever I saw it!
Fmeonce_shameonu 15
#11.....you realize this cant be unsaid
29dear 16
thanks #59, I'm aware.
girlbye23 15
That sucks. Thats why you shouldn't drink alcohol.
HortonThelephant 15
I don't care if you're shit faced 10 miles past inebriation. Being under the influence of alcohol is NEVER an excuse to cheat.
Welshite 39
Drinking in moderation is fine, but it's the responsibility and maturity of the person drinking to determine when to stop.
perdix 29
#20, being very drunk is certainly an excuse to cheat. The OP is under no obligation to accept such an excuse. People do crazy shit under the influence of alcohol -- that's why people like it.
cieloalicia 16
Alcohol merely lowers the inhibitions.. If you are truly dead set against something, it won't matter if you're drunk. You may do some things you haven't expected, but not things you feel that strongly about.