Today, my husband called me, saying he was in the hospital with a friend who'd just broken his arm. Too bad I then heard a female voice in the background mutter, "She'll never buy that". FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was hit by a car. I called my girlfriend from the hospital and asked her if she could pick me up. She responded by saying "Fuck you, you aways tell me what to do!" and hung up. FML
Today, I was rushed to the hospital to deliver my child. On the way, I called my husband who was in a bar with his friends. Drunk, he just yelled, "BROS BEFORE HOS!!" and hung up. FML
Today, I received a text message from my wife, who had gone out for the evening with some girlfriends, saying, "I have to take a friend home, she's drunk! I'll be staying at his place. Call you in the morning." Umm… His? FML
Today, my husband came home from the hospital after having painful surgery, so I decided to make him a nice big breakfast. As I was taking it up to him, I heard a message on the phone. It was from one of his nurses. She was accepting his offer of a date. FML
Today, I went to my gynecologist's for a check-up. After the doctor checked me I went to the bathroom. It turns out the walls aren't soundproofed, because I could hear the doctor telling his assistant, "God! How did she ever find a husband?" FML
Today, I received a random phone call from an unknown number. Three times. After the third time, the person started yelling at me viciously. Then I suddenly heard a different voice, saying, "Terribly sorry, sir. My poor sister has dementia and thinks you're her husband. Her dead husband, I might add." FML
Today, my best friend called me and told me she was in the hospital in labor. Excited, I rush to the hospital. Once I arrived, I saw my boyfriend of 4 years in the room. I asked him what he was doing there and my friend says, “You wanna tell her or should I?” Turns out he’s leaving me for her. The baby is his. FML
Today, I came home early from work because I wasn’t feeling well. I overheard a phone conversation that my husband was having in the living room. “Yeah dude, I ain’t attracted to that bitch no more, she got a big back now, but she pays the bills and I got a roof over me, so it’s good, you feel me?” FML
Today, I saw my buddy at the mechanic's on speaker with his wife. I did a very fake female voice and said, “He’s here with me! He’s my man now!” He rushed home to see all his stuff on fire on the front lawn. I had no idea how psycho she was and now he wants to kill me. FML
Today, after getting rear ended by a car, I texted my husband to let him know I was in the hospital. His response? "I'm at Taco Bell." FML
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Top comments
AbstraktThoughts 13
Tell him that he's about to have another broken arm.
KY_Jelly 10
That really sucks. And she must be a moron to speak while he's on the phone with his wife.
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Comments (141)
AbstraktThoughts 13
Tell him that he's about to have another broken arm.
lilhellian 26
Why stop with the arm?
AbstraktThoughts 13
True. Chris brown that ************.
cupcakechick 17
he said his FRIEND had a broken arm, not himself...
sofitina 20
The commentor was most likely referring ti the fact that apart from his friend, HE would also have a broken arm. Atleast that's what I gathered.
simplysarcastics 26
Good thinking commenter 2, both him and his trollop shall be rewarded with broken arms! Lol
kyu_Q 19
I find that broken legs ankles or toes are much harder to deal with than broken arms. I suggest you break one of those instead
Yorih 19
You know the penis isn't a bone yet can technically be fractured... If you're not gonna stop at the arm, just a thought ;)
TehButterz 8
Why not break everything, just to be safe
KY_Jelly 10
That really sucks. And she must be a moron to speak while he's on the phone with his wife.
teddy4nyy 13
Your username is...interesting.
asdfjkl123456 13
I bet the inspiration for this username was involved in this scandal :o
evilplatypus 38
Goes interestingly with their picture... I'm wondering WHAT exactly their flavor is.
LuckBeNimble 19
41: hopefully cherry. :D
xSunnyOlivia 17
Probably ex-wife now.
Epikouros 31
Water-based lube sucks too. And I think the other woman knew exactly what she was doing. She wanted to get rid of the competition. The only stupid thing is that he will cheat on her, too.
savvysomething 5
I bet you the woman did it on purpose..
RpiesSPIES 27
Maybe it was a granny in the next bed watching HSN... No? Dump him.
jillybee101 7
Nicely done lady in the background, if it wasn't obvious before, it sure is now!;)
SomeRandomGuy15 18
If you're going to lie, agree on what the lie is beforehand. That said, OP's boyfriend can go to that big fiery place.
kait11 16
One does not simply walk into Mordor
ScruffyFML 10
Too far, #28, too far.
EMTchic 14
I'm pretty sure that OP clearly said the word "husband". Not boyfriend.
SomeRandomGuy15 18
48- Gah! I commented without rereading the FML! I'm sorry! *commits seppuku*
Pwuj 6
On a totally irrelevant matter,, Everytime someone writes OP,. I always read it as One piece.,
capslockisgood 19
65 You had to make me go all the way over to google and look that word up didn't you?
Yousuck24 21
Unless he had a gun to your head, I don't see how he could force you to look up the meaning of that word.
s15c 9
85- Sepukku- the old Japanese technique of suicide to preserve honor. One would take a sword or knife, stab oneself in the stomach, and move the sword/knife around your stomach in a circle. And yet, I'm 16 and didn't have to use Google. If I know it, you should know it. C'mon now.
vadaaa 11
121- are you really saying that people should know the Japanese word for honorable suicide just because you're a sixteen year old who knows the word? Are you ******* kidding me?
BeccaHugs 17
Just make him your ex-husband and then he and his homewrecker won't have to make up shitty lies anymore. They can live happily ever aftwhore.
tonijulie 20
Nice wording :)
tonijulie 20
Nice wording :)
beclaurela 18
Punny...I like it. >:)
hegira 18
I love your name.
Kidkaplan 19
Obviously, she was right
asdfjkl123456 13
Leave him and his sorry excuse. And if necessary... Leave him with a real broken arm. Or face. Or both.
perdix 29
Coincidentally, he'll be in the hospital in a few hours with a severed penis and crushed testicles.
gc327072 30
Both? What, did she use a drink mixer down there or something?
OlgaCornmuffin 7
Oh the iron...y! lol. *hides flat iron weapon*