Today, during a date, I discovered that if I cough with my mouth closed, snot will spray from my nose all over the place like some kind of mucus cannon. FML
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Today, I was on a date with a girl and everything was going great. As I took her back to her house and walked her to her door, I leaned in for a kiss. She seemed to really enjoy it, so I went for another but as I leaned in again, I sneezed uncontrollably, shooting her face with saliva and snot. FML
Today, after a great first date, he leaned in to kiss me. I held my breath slightly. This resulted in me breathing out through my nose, blowing a huge snot bubble, which then burst on his face. He looked at me in horror and walked away. FML
Today, at the dentist, I was getting my teeth cleaned. Looking up at his nose, I saw runny snot dripping onto his lip. I tried to slowly move away. He told me "Stop!" The movement of his lips caused the snot to fall right into my mouth. FML
Today, while kissing my girlfriend's neck, I sneezed a blob of snot onto her. She told me that "it doesn't matter", while hiccuping a bit of vomit. FML
Today, after days of nasal congestion, I stifled a sneeze. It went out my nose, blowing out a massive spray of green gunk, streaked with blood. This happened at a meeting, splattering the table in front of me with green bloody mucus. The other attendees looked horrified and one ran to vomit. FML
Today, I was snuggling with my boyfriend on the couch. We ended up falling asleep, and when I woke up I felt a slobberly substance running down my face. It turns out, my boyfriend drooled so much, it filled my ear and overflowed onto my face. FML
Today, I was washing my face and I started rinsing the soap off my face with my eyes closed when I felt something gooey on my face. I opened my eyes to realize I had been rubbing snot on my face from when water got up my nose and apparently snot came down with it. FML
Today, I was making out with a guy I really like. Midway through, he stopped and said he had to sneeze. After waiting several seconds, he said the urge went away and we kept making out. Ten seconds later, he violently sneezed in my open mouth. FML
Today, I sneezed while at the office. I felt snot shoot out, but I couldn't see anything on the tissue. I ignored it and went on with my day. When I went to the bathroom hours later, I noticed a huge wad of snot had dried onto the front of my shirt. No one told me about it. FML
Today, at work, I was standing at the till helping an attractive man. I have a cold and could feel the snot bubbling up. He orders and we flirt for a bit. Just as I'm about to hand him his product, I sneeze quite loudly and forcefully all over his face. Guess I won't be getting that number. FML
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Top comments
CueTheMusic 22
That's snot very good!
Pleonasm 35
Sounds like a sure-Fire way to booger- I mean bugger up a good date.
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Comments (88)
CueTheMusic 22
That's snot very good!
Telescope 1
Damn that's an awesome way to blow your nose.
CueTheMusic 22
Hey quit thread-jacking my puns!
DerrickJames 33
1 - S'not his fault he was being nose-e and tried to thread-jack! Cut him some slack!
7yzz 18
Lunch=ruined.
15ethan 5
what a great way to utilize the first comment!
Zazoo1995 23
Better keep your mouth open.. I'm sure your date would love that... ;)
rgriff27 19
Initializing snot rocket launch in 3...2...1...BOOM!
DerrickJames 33
I can't believe you did that, 1...
ladyangel52 11
As Eddie Murphy would say, its just like sprinkles, its just like sprinkles.
CueTheMusic 22
Why not, 55?
Pleonasm 35
Sounds like a sure-Fire way to booger- I mean bugger up a good date.
sens3sfailing 24
Is there no end to the originality?! I'm mean, it's almost unfair pleo!
CueTheMusic 22
Aha, nice one. *pun hi-five*
mlnicholas 14
That's appetizing.
leadawg75 12
Just thought I would say, your dog looks like Rodger from American Dad! :D so cute!!!
sens3sfailing 24
No...no it doesn't...it looks like an adorable dog.
mlnicholas 14
My dog seems to think she is human.
Amama_fml 30
Ok so, ALWAYS cover BOTH your mouth and nose while sneezing.
howdeedoo 22
Then it'll go out your ears
Thebroskii 11
Coughing, not sneezing.
Amama_fml 30
23- I read about boogers and automatically thought sneeze. My bad. Although I have no idea how can you shoot boogers out of your nose because of a cough. :/
XxDevilxXGt 26
Simple really... Try closing your mouth and coughing. If the air can't leave through your mouth, your nose is next.
ohcheriecherie 20
Yeah, I just tried it and it does work exactly as the FML says. No idea why one would try that though! Ineffective!
CaptTeemo 10
Helps clear out your nose when your stuffed up though. Still wouldn't suggest it.
KiddNYC1O 20
You could pop a vessel, no?
kumonsucks 7
Open your mouth? *thats what he said jokes in 5...4...3...2...1*
Catkam623 27
Close your eyes and open wide:)
theawkwardlife 21
why would she say open your mouth?
kumonsucks 7
He opens his mouth so that doesnt happen, and thats what HE said
Enslaved 36
When I was 16 years old, I had my first job answering phones at a pizzeria. One of the older co-workers asked me "How wide could you open up your mouth without showing your teeth?" I had no idea what that meant at the time. I miss those days of innocence. :P
RedPillSucks 31
Erm.... I still don't know what that's suppose to mean.
BlueFlatts 20
Thank's for making me feel young again 25. Edit: Nevermind...
sniken 14
#50 think "Bj"
Catkam623 27
I have a question did it possibly occur to you to grab a napkin since you know you were on a date?
connerwonner 7
But he coughed.
deegeebee 10
Sometimes these things just come on suddenly.
NickaPLZ 26
Sounds like a famous youtube video waiting to happen.
kingbrizo 24
*dun dun duuuuun*
PoopNuggetLeader 4
Can you use it to protect yourself?
Eluveitie 9
I doubt it.
horizontalline 18
It sounds like a good defense mechanism
finnrambo 13
spiderman that shit
meagann01 4
Why did I just think of a pokemon snot attack card?
ThatPlankton 15
Man, think of all the awesome opportunities you could've had If you discovered this awesome ability when you were a kid!
gregkingsley 4
Hope he or she has a rare snot fetish