Today, I had dinner with my boyfriend's family. His 3-year-old nephew came running for a hug. At the last second, he darted past my arms and bit me on the ass. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was eating with my boyfriend and his family at a high-end restaurant when, suddenly, I screamed, thinking a dog had just bitten my leg. I am terrified of dogs. I kicked my under-the-table assailant as hard as I could. It was my boyfriend's adorable five-year-old sister. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were at dinner with his parents when he discreetly slid his hand up my skirt and tickled me. This caused me to kick his dad's recently broken leg. FML
Today, I was pretending to be an angry bear while babysitting a 3 year-old boy, and an 19 month-old girl. I was chasing them around the house, having a great time. Just when I bent over to pick up his sister for a diaper change, the 3 year-old decided it was his turn. He bit me square on the ass. FML
Today, we were having a family dinner with my boyfriend's parents and mine. In the kitchen, when we were getting the food ready, he proposed. I screamed. My dad thought he was hurting me, came in and tased him in the leg. FML
Today, a little kid accidentally ran into me at the pool. He apologized by biting my leg. FML
Today, I went to dinner with my husband's family to celebrate our nephew's birthday. He spent the entire dinner flirting with his sister, then got offended when I said that his behavior was weird. FML
Today, I was playing with my 3-year-old nephew when he suddenly got up and ran to his mom to tell her I was "touching in bad spots". I was tickling his armpits. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having dinner with my family. He killed a bug and ate it. FML
Today my boyfriend tried to be sexy and rip off my underwear. Instead, he bit a chunk out of my hip. FML
Today, I was being playful with my boyfriend and put a chocolate between my legs. He bit the chocolate. My lips too... FML
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Top comments
Tripartita 44
"I /knew/ meeting your family would bite me in the ass!" "What do you mean? That seems more like an excuse to make a pun than something that has relevance to what happened." "I… I don't know. Wow. What if we're just characters in an FML comment and none of this is real?" "Don't say things like that. It's ******* horrifying."
GlennGuagmire 20
What a tasty ass
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Comments (31)
OhPuhleeze 23
I knew liking that fellow was going to bite me in the ass.
mohamed_H 21
I'll show you the way out
Miss_Whipped 43
Right this way, gentlemen.
species4872 19
Ha that's funny, the kid's going places.
Savagephy 17
Is there a proffesion for eating ass?
KingKralj 31
Kids do the darnedtest things.
GreedyGreedo 10
He likes to take the phrase "eat ass" literally
brownapple 22
#4 & #5's pictures go so well together omg
GreedyGreedo 10
I feel like even though my comments aren't necessarily that funny, they get more downvotes because Trump is my picture. When it was Greedo I would usually have positive votes, but every comment since I changed my picture has been negative
slackoffalready 3
Yeah, downvoting is a censorship mechanism in disguise. If there's one good thing about facebook it's the absence of downvoting.
RichardPencil 30
I know who he voted for.
Tripartita 44
Pfft, that's NOTHING. I know who everybody under that age of 18 voted for!
cootiequeen4444 11
A reputable psychologist may be able to predict what a toddler may do a majority of the time. But no one - and I mean no one - can predict what a toddler is going to do all the time. I wouldn't take it to heart, OP. Kids are weird. Kid probably thought he was being funny or something in a butts are funny and biting gets reactions out of people, let me bite 'er on but for shiggles or attention or whatever kinda way. And for some reason I doubt the kid bit you hard enough to like need stitched or something. Butts are pretty well... "cushioned" ... as welll. So the "buttpain" was likely shortlived. TBH, if I was there in person I'd probably have laughed. In any case, I'd say the toddlers parents may very well have been more embarrassed than you are hurt as well...
Lalala579121 27
Even Sigmund Freud has nothing on toddlers.
Tripartita 44
"I /knew/ meeting your family would bite me in the ass!" "What do you mean? That seems more like an excuse to make a pun than something that has relevance to what happened." "I… I don't know. Wow. What if we're just characters in an FML comment and none of this is real?" "Don't say things like that. It's ******* horrifying."
RichardPencil 30
A well-timed fart would end that behavior instantly and permanently.
lexiieeex3 32
What a little player.
RichardPencil 30
Or sexual predator?
GlennGuagmire 20
What a tasty ass