Today, I was sitting on the couch, watching The Avengers with my 4-year-old daughter, who loves the Hulk. When Hulk finally showed up, she excitedly looked at me and screamed, "Hulk Smash" before slamming both of her fists into my balls. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I bought my nephew some giant green Incredible Hulk fists for his birthday. He thanked me by Hulk-smashing me in the nuts. FML
Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit balls." FML
Today, I was sitting on the couch with my 5 year-old on my lap. All of a sudden, she turned to me and said, "Daddy, I love your boobies. They're a good pillow." My own kid just called me fat. FML
Today, my husband and our 4-year-old daughter were watching My Little Pony. When her favorite character angrily screamed, "You're going to love me!", she looked at him with a perplexed look. My husband then responded, "And THAT'S how I met your mommy!" FML
Today, I had to pick my daughter up from pre-school because she repeatedly hit another kid with a stick. Apparently, my parents have been letting her watch violent action movies again. FML
Today, I was watching the movie Frozen with my 8 year old daughter. I had seen it before, so I sung along with some of the songs. My daughter put a finger over my lips, said "Shhhhhhhhut the fuck up," then turned back to the TV, giggling. FML
Today, my 5 year-old daughter saw me getting ready to sit down in a fold-out camp chair, and told me, with a big smile on her face, "Daddy, you're too fat to sit in that chair. You'll break it with your big butt." Out of the mouths of babes, I guess. FML
Today, I punched an older woman in the face. I only hit her after she grabbed my 4-year-old daughter and told her to, "stop dancing like a whore!" My daughter was so terrified, she peed her pants. FML
Today, my four-year-old daughter started screaming and lashing out at me as I was getting her ready for a bath. It seems my idiot husband told her she was still small enough to be feasted on by the "drain monster". FML
Today, my 4 year old daughter walked in while I was changing my shirt. She said "When I get older I am going to have big boobies just like you." I'm her dad. FML
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Top comments
AFCCT 7
Badass daughter if I say so myself
Welshite 39
She has the makings of a superhero. You should be proud.
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Comments (145)
AFCCT 7
Badass daughter if I say so myself
Schizomaniac 24
I agree. Sounds like she needs to have some strong Christian values instilled in her. People don't understand that violence wouldn't happen if only everyone praised the Almighty Yahweh, Reedemer and Protector of Souls. It's no wonder America is going down the tank. We need to put God back in schools. Repent for your sins.
RavenDesired 10
58... shut up.
incoherentrmblr 21
At least she knows self defense...
TheTacoMan 24
"HULK SPANK!"
Davalicious 7
That's adorable
hallix 21
Parenting: it isn't easy, sometimes it's downright painful, but don't worry, you're definitely doing it right!
8313girl 28
That is so cute! I know you singing soprano now but it'll be something for you and her to laugh about later.
AKGirlinSD 20
OP, consider yourself lucky. She will grow up crushing men's balls. I suggest you get a protective cup to wear around her, covered by padding to soften the blow, so she won't hurt her fists, on you.
lambda_fml 40
Ball Smash!
worldclassrager 39
Ouch...get well soon...
Welshite 39
She has the makings of a superhero. You should be proud.
extrasnipes 22
I'm trying to make up a new superhero name for her IT'S HARD.
killinpoptarts 9
#17 what about non-green smashing machine?
Welshite 39
We should collaborate. My suggestions: The Nutcracker or Crown Jewel.
killinpoptarts 9
#23 her saying could be "a broken nut is better than a busted nut"
poncho55 40
#28, *Patrick voice* I don't get it
extrasnipes 22
23 would that mean she can't fight girls consider they don't have nuts?
AKGirlinSD 20
23, Crown Jewel is the clear winner here.
kinky44 28
At least you didnt raise a liar.
SgtAssCheeks 21
What does this have to do with anything?
ElricMustang 23
Because she did what she said, "Hulk Smash"!
gennyv 29
How does this have to do with lying...?
SgtAssCheeks 21
#31 ... I get it. It's not funny, but I get it.
kinky44 28
Silver lining.
PenguinBitch 43
I could be wrong, but I think it has something to do with Loki...I could be wrong...
tiernang 21
You are wrong.
funnyguy_101 4
At least you won't be able to have anymore kids to do that again.
foxy_grampa 19
Better than having her liking one direction or justin bieber
Bonefish84 6
Justin Beiber is fading into memory, 1D is soon to follow just like other boy bands.
Rainhawk94 27
Everyone go vote to get Justin beaver deported
SgtAssCheeks 21
No thanks, you can keep him USA, please; we insist. Dont send him back here.
gracehi 31
No! We don't want him anymore! Take him back! Don't you know we have enough assholes here? And most of them are running the government! Surely you guys can handle just one. He can hang out with the mayor of Toronto! They'll be besties!
foxy_grampa 19
@41, the petition already got the 100,000 votes it needs!
DanielleinDC 33
Okay, if you won't take Justin Bieber back, can you take Ted Cruz back then? Oh, and Nickelback.
arandomusernameaa 20
They should deport him to Mars... that way we don't have to put up with him, and he is actually being useful...
SmokinGuns 13
If you don't want Jusyin Beiber can you atleast take Miley Cyrus before we all go blind and deaf?
SgtAssCheeks 21
#67 But Miley isnt Canadian. JB is. Deported quite literally means "exhile back to homeland."
TheDrifter 23
Sorry, Canada had a strict "you break it you bought it" policy. No returns on malfunctioning pop singers.
xerbrus 14
then emigrate them all to the moon i own about 2 square feet they can all share
alicespoons 17
She's learning
ItsAUnicorn 27
At least your daughter is an Avengers fan. You should be proud! :D
junkman6 22
I dunno... The Watchmen are more badass IMO. Rorschach is probably the best "hero?" of all time. Then again that isn't a 4 year old friendly comic.
worldclassrager 39
Graphic novel or comic book...and hands down no questions asked the comic book wins...well in my opinion...
shivamtrivedi 24
Well, hulk is super awesome, you know..... And it's better than oh having to drive her to and endure one direction and Justin bieber concerts.
therealjc_fml 14
She's awesome!