Today, I had no choice but to bring my son to work as a med school professor. I sat him in a chair in a corner while I gave a lecture. To my surprise, he added another word to his limited vocabulary, and screamed it out loud with an ecstatic expression on his face. The word is "cancer". FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Same thing different taste
Today, I was changing my son's diaper when he said "Momma." Astonished that he'd finally spoken, I clapped and smiled proudly. My clap scared the crap out of him. Literally. FML
Today, I picked up my four year old son from daycare. As I was putting him in his car seat, I asked him if he had fun. He yelled, "Shut it, bitch!" FML
Today, I had to pick my son up from school after he beat the crap out of another student. The words that made him go nuts were apparently, "You mad, bro?" FML
Today, I went to my son's high school play. The moment I arrived at the auditorium, I shouted out his name to let him know I made it. Thinking I was a student, a teacher yelled, "SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN!" Scared out of my mind, I quickly obeyed, to mass giggling from the kids. FML
Good news
Today, I told to my son that I'm pregnant. After I'd told him, he looked up and yelled, "Fuck this shit!" and walked out of the room. My son is nine years-old. FML
Today, my son's teacher asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up. He put down "unemployed". FML
Today, I got a phone call from my 6-year-old son's school telling me they were concerned about him as he wouldn't stop barking at the radiator. After talking to my husband about it, I found out he's been teaching him so he could see the look on my face. FML
Narcissist Mom
Today, my coworker was going on and on about how her son was nice and got good grades but that she needed to find him a therapist because he's too shy in class, and how she didn't want her friends to think badly of her. She's a counselor. I sat in silence for almost an hour, because all I could think was, "WTF? Poor kid." FML
Foot meet mouth
Today, I was at church with some friends and our counselor, who had recently came back from Taiwan. I was born there and love to visit, so I immediately exclaimed, "How lucky!" A few seconds of awkward silence later, he said, "I was visiting my dad who was just diagnosed with cancer." FML
Fire hasard
Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML
Top comments
vucui 21
It could always be worse.
ImGucci 8
He could have said "AIDS" or "******"
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Comments (99)
vucui 21
It could always be worse.
Bostern 29
Yeah, someone could have stolen your phone too.
Rayzay 3
Lol exactly
NoFlippinWai 24
and ate your cake.
SokDek 14
It could be lupus
soccerguy2 11
It's never lupus!
klorehore 24
perhaps this is the start of his future career as a star surgeon! All thanks to you :)
DocBastard 38
Absolutely right! My first word was "haemostasis".
ApollosMyth 22
My first word was "phone".... I guess I'm destined to be a telemarketer.
NoFlippinWai 24
mine was "water". Maybe I will drown.
Lilxpie 18
I think my first word was food. And I wonder why I love to eat.
DFresh503 8
I see an early oncologist. And, with the right writers, a Doogie Howser spinoff of a toddler cancer doctor. So don't fret, OP, just work with what you've got!
ygdrassil 17
Mine was hot. A model maybe?
MerrikBarbarian 9
Mine was "kitty". Guess I'm doomed to being a crazy cat lady... And in light of my icon... That's quite ironic :p
Faff 20
my first words were 'always Coca-Cola' so I guess my future is at the Coca-Cola company
i_lik_tomaters 21
Mine was mom and my friend's was tit
alexanderavatar 24
or maybe you will work at a steel factory
ImGucci 8
He could have said "AIDS" or "******"
xSkittle 16
In what way is ****** worse than cancer? Some people here clearly don't understand how bad cancer is if they think saying "******" is worse.
lendary 7
It's not worse, but for some reason vaginas are a more taboo topic than cancer in casual conversation. Humans are weird like that.
xSkittle 16
How so is a ****** taboo? Half the population has one! You don't die from having a ******. A baby laughing and screaming "******" is just funny, but when it happily screams a deadly decease... that's just bad.
lendary 7
I didn't say it made sense.
xSkittle 16
Because it doesn't? The only people who make human parts a taboo are you. I live in Belgium next to the Netherlands, they use cancer as a swear word so it has a negative sound everytime I hear it. But when you use your mind you should know it's not some cute word for kids to say.
tanekdrachonae 19
Here in the states people get all weird and offended if you bring up vaginas in conversation. It's dumb. I agree that it shouldn't be taboo or stigmatized but, unfortunately here it is.
xSkittle 16
So it's really serious? Yeah that's kinda weird..
tanekdrachonae 19
I blame the super religious people that lead this country. Especially the ones that say things like, "We don't have to worry about global warming, god is going to save his good Christians". Yes I'm being serious.
xSkittle 16
Religion is almost extinct here so.. Funny they think he'd save them, he killed us all twice (Noah's Ark and something else i can't remember right now) because he regretted making humans. Maybe you should tell them he is doing it again :D
xSkittle 16
So who would be the lucky family to go with him..
sykokitti 15
Skittle you're weird, youshould stop talking now... A kid saying ****** is def worse, imagine OP going to a nice restaurant and the kid yelling ******, ******...
xSkittle 16
I really don't understand how someone could say that. ****** IS A NATURAL BODYPART. Maybe if you had a close family member with cancer you would know better. Imagine a kid happily screaming cancer while someone in the restaurant lost somebody because of cancer or somebody there actually has it. How can that possibly be better? 'MURICA i guess.
Axipiter 24
I hate to add to this ridiculous conversation, but... I lost my nonna to dementia. I immediately started looking for ways to avoid that ever happening to me. When you've lost somebody to something, any mention of it just opens up another wound. I can't, for the life of me, think of how a kid screaming "******" is worse, in terms of insulting or hurting other people, than "cancer". Both would be embarassing. But I only know of one person who lost their life to "******", and that's because it had teeth. Like a Langolier. It's pretty scary.
Heaven121313 9
howd this go from ****** to religion o.o
alexanderavatar 24
saying ****** is inappropriate in public screaming ****** at the top of your lung will get you some weird looks
alexanderavatar 24
whoa dude dont insult God like that you basically called him a mass murderer
Fluffydemise 18
Your son sounds a little young to be a med school professor. Just sayin'
wingedangel123 8
I'm not sure if I read it right, but I think she's saying that she brought her son to work with her, because of "take your kid to work" day, something we have here in Canada for ninth graders.
meggieeee92 15
45- I think she brought her kid to work because she couldn't find a babysitter and she couldn't just leave him at home. I don't know where you got "take your kid to work" day from.
thisguy22 33
A ninth grader would scream the word "cancer" out in front of an entire medical school class? That's kind of immature for a 14 year old... I would assume that it was a child between the ages of 2-4 and the parent could not find adequate child care.
alexanderavatar 24
she said "i had no choice...
MakeTodayADTR 20
Audition him for a chance to join the metal band with the little girl and her brother from America's Got Talent xD
StraightEdge325 11
Just don't take him to the doctors any time soon.
ElizaZee 9
At least you weren't giving a lecture on the anatomy of human genitalia.
MissCharlotte_fml 26
At least it wasnt Herpes.
Blink_me26 21
Hey at least it wasn't a swear word.
Ins0mau 20
I dunno. I small child screaming out the word "cancer" with glee seems much more disturbing than a swear word. The. I may be biased as I've known plenty of people that have died from cancer.
Blink_me26 21
Maybe but with a med professor father people will hopefully figure out where he heard it from.
alexanderavatar 24
i mean the child clearly doesn't know what he is talking about so people will forgive him
ghil15 8
well atleast you know hes learning...
Altar_fml 2
You should have gagged him with a cloth.
NoMore_CoolNames 14
Really? You were probably joking but really? That's the best you could do? I would tell you to put some effort in it next time, but it seems like you tried really hard but just don't understand...anything.
cheekyterier 13
Please never reproduce.