Today, my 20-year-old daughter staggered into my room at two in the morning, drunker than I ever thought a person could be, screaming for me to make pancakes for her. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was sleeping in my room when I awoke to an unfamiliar female voice in my apartment, followed by a thud. I walked out to find a drunk girl I've never met collapsed in my doorway. After puking all over the place, she had me call her father, who picked her up 10 minutes later. FML
Today, I went to my 19 year-old daughter’s apartment when I heard her baby crying. I have a spare key so I opened the door to find her crying in her rocker. I called my daughter and it turns out she went on a weekend to Malibu with her friends and she “left her some milk and a bowl of Cheerios. She’ll be alright.” FML
Today, I came home to find my mom drunk. She asked me for a hug and then started crying, "Where's my daughter?" I'm her daughter. And her only child, as far as I know. FML
Today, I had to go pick up my mother at 3 in the morning. She had been out drinking and couldn't drive. She parties more than I do. FML
Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML
Today, my daughter gave me the “but daddy I love him” speech when she turned up to a family event with her boyfriend, who was at least 20 years older than her, was visibly intoxicated, stank of body odour and cigarettes, then tried to flirt with my wife. FML
Today, my very drunk mother decided to run down the block naked, screaming at the top of her lungs, "She's trying to kill me!" as I followed behind her in my car, yelling for her to get in. FML
Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML
Today, I woke up only to find my half-naked drunk mother in my living room, talking in her sleep about how much she hates me. She still doesn't see what's wrong with this picture. FML
TToday, my daughter was hungover, so to teach her a lesson I started banging a pot next to her ear. An hour later, we’re in hospital. She wasn’t hungover; she hadn’t even been drinking. Her migraine was a huge aneurism one sneeze away from bursting and killing her instantly. I’m a terrible dad. FML
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Top comments
MolesterStallone 13
You should make her pancakes
Pleonasm 36
I bet that just scared the crêpe out of you, didn't it?
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Comments (176)
MolesterStallone 13
You should make her pancakes
uhhSavage 22
I sure hope you did something about it and didn't just get on FML and post about it.
picante72 24
This sounds like an episode of Epic Meal Time.
picante72 24
The first priority for any crazy situation is to post on FML. Only then can you proceed to deal with the problem.
wlddog 14
That way you know you are doing the right thing. Only god knows how we survived long enough as a race, to invent FML websites and learn what we should do when our drunk kid gets home.
mrdinofly 6
Let's get drunk off of pancakes -Epicmealtime
greenmen 12
You should make every day!
EsotericBrent 29
OP at least should be glad her stuff wasn't pissed/thrown up on. I wish my roommate would ask me to make pancakes once in a while...
BlakesHonestLie 8
I'll ask you to make some then 81 because pancakes are NEVER a bad idea.
Jessj958 19
**** the pancakes, you should have beat her ass!! I use the app so I'm not sure where OP is from, and I know the legal drinking age is different in other countries, but if my son came home drunk demanding pancakes when he's 20 years old, he's gonna get his ass beat for sure! Might sound a little harsh but I don't want him doing the same stupid things I did.
MolesterStallone 13
So youre gonna pancake him?;)
TheAbstract 15
What are you waiting for? Hop to!
ChaoticBacon 6
IHOP to*
TheAbstract 15
There had better be some bacon of the chaotic variety with those pancakes as well.
mpj13 8
You butter not be syrup op. That's terrible!
gc327072 31
46- threadjackers are frowned upon in this establishment.
ChaoticBacon 6
As Abstract of a thought that it may be, bacon itself creates chaos. There's always that last piece that tears families apart. Literally. Like limbs flying everywhere.
paperroll880 16
Time for her to move out.. ;)
ElmoSaysSquishy 28
Maybe she already has, just still has a key.
gc327072 31
If that's the case then George Thurogood should give OP some hints.
Mooish 18
How do you pancakes someone? The last sentence is badly worded.
karlcolt45 19
send her to IHOP
AKGirlinSD 20
Does IHOP exist in the UK?
dawnimus 21
Nope :( Sadly. Neither do dippin' dots. It's a travesty, missing out on such tasty foods!
karlcolt45 19
dippin dots went bankrupt :/
poodle_juice 17
Well she has her priorities straight.
thesubconscious 9
Who doesn't have time for a good pancake now and then?
footcheezeez 16
Waffles for me.. :3
gc327072 31
*stealthily places 2 drops of Blue food coloring in batter*
footcheezeez 16
Blue waffles?!? My favorite type!
gc327072 31
Huehuehuehue
LuckBeNimble 19
what's so great about blue waffles? *Google* oh dear God...it looks like an octopus! make it stop!
ydi_4_suking 20
Oh my god I googled blue waffle. I feel your pain 70. I can never unsee this
DropTheDaggerxx 31
I'm honestly astounded you guys have made it this long on the Internet without having been exposed to the blue waffle.
hannaaaahr 33
I am more astounded by the fact that you guys keep on looking up things like that, seriously, you should know better by now!
gc327072 31
You MUST look it up, It's simply a rule! All hail the mighty waffle, Of the color azul!
sarah_grace_baby 13
We all have those moments
desoto96 9
No, I can honestly say I've never drunk screaming at my parents for pancakes.
sarah_grace_baby 13
Well people that enjoy pancake may have!
laden_swallow09 35
9- You're an idiot. Don't claim to be sarcastic or "just joking", either. You make no sense.
gc327072 31
^editrolled.
sarah_grace_baby 13
I'm not being sarcastic or just "joking" obviously you guys need a sense of humor no need to be name calling.
greenie213 23
You claim that we need a sense of humor, but you weren't joking. Is it a serious comment that we're supposed to laugh at?
desoto96 9
I just realized I left out *been* in my previous comment. I thank all of you who showed grace and thumbed it up anyways lol.
Jeffo193 13
You must be so proud...
abigail_torres 8
The girl want what the girl wants :D