Today, I was upset after a fight with my husband, so I cried alone in the bedroom. My 4-year-old son then comes in and hugs me. I thought he was trying to comfort me, but he then told me he had to go get his quarter my husband had promised to pay him if he made me shut up. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was crying after having argued with my boyfriend. My mom saw me, she asked, "Why are you crying? Don't you have homework to do?" FML
Today, I went to see my mother with my kids. Before, I had told my son to give her hugs and kisses and I would buy him candy. He did, but then he told her that I said that. FML
Today, my mom's friend came over. She brought her son and claimed that we could have bonding time. I ended up chasing the five-year-old around the house for an hour. After they'd left, my mom saw that the little kid had broken a lamp and a clock. She then said I had to pay for it using my money. FML
Today, I yelled at my oldest son for picking his little brother up by the throat. Only to then be yelled at my my mother-in-law for hurting his feelings. FML
Today, my son got in an argument with my boyfriend, packed up his stuff, and moved in with his dad. Not five minutes later I saw my boyfriend doing his stupid happy dance. When angrily confronted, he admitted he orchestrated every argument for months until he got the result he wanted, my son gone. FML
Today, I had to give my four year-old daughter some tough love, which I hate doing. When she ran away crying, my son, her twin brother, looked at me and said, "You should be ashamed of yourself." FML
Today, when I got home from the store, the dog was wiping his ass on the carpet, my two older boys were brawling, my youngest was crying because he'd broken a glass and cut himself, and my husband was in the kitchen, eating the cake I'd told him to leave alone. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend to help me with groceries, since the last of my money went to last week's groceries. His response was to start a fight, then tell me it's my fault my daughter acts the way she does, which is when he finally got me to break down and cry. I'm pregnant with his kid, and I also pay 90% of our bills. FML
Today, after a fight, my boyfriend brought me a soda that exploded when I opened it. Furious at his constant childish bullshit, I threw his ass out. Two hours later, my son confessed that he'd shaken the cans as a joke. I tried to call my boyfriend, but he'd blocked my number. FML
Today, my husband broke a set of dishes, told me I had to clean it all up, and stormed out of the house. It’s now 3:30am and he still hasn’t come home. Our 5 year-old son keeps asking about him. What warranted all this? Asking him how his day went. FML
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Top comments
bigmoney12 3
Aww that's messed up
yankeebaceball 1
Good Idea! You should've given him a dollar to do something to return the favor though!
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Comments (143)
bigmoney12 3
Aww that's messed up
eminemchick 19
congratulations op, you have married a ****.
ptrick718 1
Only a quarter?
happyhak 5
Agreed, how disrespectful. How will the husband feel when the 4 year old grows up thinking he can do hurtful things to people for a bit of cash? That was really childish of the husband to get his son involved like that. I wouldn't blame your son though, OP. It's a high chance that he did not know what was going on and how hurtful it was.
LiveLaughFML 10
this FML is so unbelievably wrong. he should have charged your husband 75 cents!
gunmania0 12
Why do all the girls chase after the guys with chlamydia...
chuckychan 8
pay him 2 quarters to go punch him in the balls
SW500 13
Yeah, because having your 4 year old assault your husband is such a great idea.
Laurenlou 24
I agree with 55! Also, OP you should rethink this marriage of yours. Your husband sounds like an emotional terrorist. :( You should seriously talk to him about treating you better! No one deserves to be treated like that by someone they love.
scrapmetal58 9
OP, you both should read The Seven Principles of Successful Marriages (I don't have the book on me so I may have the title slightly incorrect). It will help your relationship.
jabrucee 0
OMG.... he is so wrng fir dat but really.... dud he get his money worth
cwissi 5
108- what did that even say.
NTimmy 2
That kid will be a great business man when he grows up, if I was him I'd make u pay me to leave and have the husband pay me to go bak, in the end I'd have an easy $50 ;)
yankeebaceball 1
Good Idea! You should've given him a dollar to do something to return the favor though!
Glitch333 0
Like punch him in the jewels >:D revenge is sweet.
hmmmmmmmmmmmm 0
if he would punch him in the "jewels" it could affect having any other kids though
notthatlucky 0
why would she want other kids with this asshole?
CareFace 16
Did he get his money's worth?
marinus_fml 19
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Pick pocketing level 99 reached. Your son may acquire the level 99 skill cape.
happyhak 5
That runescape joke failed for 2 reasons: 1) The 4 year old did not pickpocket anything. The father GAVE him the quarter 2) Even if he did pickpocket the quarter, how would ONE quarter master his pickpocketing skill? Noob
Wheredidgrungego 12
So true. You'd have to pickpocket like a killer whale from some dude to get to level 99.
marinus_fml 19
Happyhak, So you're saying it's impossible to get 99 from one pickpocket? The son could have been on lvl 98 and needed only 1 more pickpocket. By that logic you couldn't reach lvl 99 from pickpocketing anything. Personally I'd reach 99 on a farmer or something. And I'd reach 99 cooking on a shrimp! Just saying. It said the son had to go get his quarter, and doesn't say the father gave it to him.
HellShallFall 0
Nerd
siege10 0
Lol this joke failed for a whole slew of reasons but the big one was your willingness to defend said joke.
Dalliance 4
While the original joke didn't quite work out (perhaps marinus misread the FML at first -- and we all know how often that happens around here), what's wrong with rebutting the other guy's response when it contained a bit of illogic? I always enjoy seeing a bit of back-and-forth dialogue on here.
happyhak 5
Right, marinus, so basically what you're saying is this 4 year old, who probably does not fully understand the value of money, is a master pickpocket. Yep, he must of done a lot of pickpocketing in his 4 years of learning the basics of life. I bet he started pickpocketing his fellow babies in a daycare of their toy keys while being unable to walk. OP should be lucky to have a criminal at such a young age...
deaper 16
You must HAVE not learned English very well to think that "must of" makes any sense at all! The word you're looking for is actually a contraction correctly spelled it's: "must've"! For instance "You must've failed English classes in Elementary School."
stephan18 23
The husband probably reached 99 asshole, must've been the trimmed version too...
ScOrPiOnloool 6
What an amazing husband u have!!
MeeshaMeeshaPup 8
nice husband you got there....
xrainbowshadowx 17
Give him a dollar to kick his daddy in the ankles :P just kidding, but seriously FYL.
crazychick1269 7
no she actually should!!
sweetheartxoxo88 7
Or better still, give him $5 to kick him in the nuts. lol
Hazu_fml 0
I would agree
AFuckinCrocodile 6
Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhh thats cute!!! But the the little ****** to charge more
schaflava 0
The the reason I'm here is is because you are are making grammar mistakes. STOP!!!
BooGhosted 0
is is? Hrm.
nadhirah 4
It kinda sucks when children become the middle person. He's too young to understand why his mummy is crying. Your husband taught him how to take advantage of the situation. How sad :(
lidemocr 0
Right?! Plus fighting in front of your kids...tacky IMO. Poor kid
mndlssphnx 10
5 dollars, punch Daddy in the nads. Go on, sweetie.