Today, I woke my husband up at 2 a.m., screaming that there was a badger in our bedroom. We both screamed for a bit until he finally said, "What are we screaming about!?" I took a second look at the badger, and realized it was my four-year-old daughter with her blanket. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I woke up to shuffling noises coming from downstairs. Suspecting the worst, I jumped out of bed, and whispered over my shoulder for my girlfriend to stay quiet. Only after going downstairs and taking a swing in the dark with my bat did I figure out it was just my girlfriend foraging for snacks. FML
Today, I was trying to sleep when I saw a head looming from the darkness with no eyes and a mouth open like a silent scream. I just froze and pissed myself. It was my daughter wanting to cuddle with us. Alas, the bed was wet, so she got put back in her bed, while we had to share the sofa downstairs. FML
Today, my 4-year-old daughter couldn't sleep, crying that her teddy bear wanted to eat her. My husband thought it would be funny to put the bear right in front of her face while she slept. She's now terrified to sleep anywhere but in our bed. FML
Today, I heard a scream that sounded suspiciously like my cat when he's just had a nightmare or is otherwise in a state of extreme distress. I found him chilling on my couch, so I walked back to my room, when I heard the scream again. I ran back and he was still chilling. It was my neighbor's son screaming outside. FML
Today, around 2:00 a.m. I had just sat down on my couch when I noticed one of my cats poking at what appeared to be a toy. I attempted to pick it up to play with the cat when it started to move like a mouse. I squealed like a girl and woke up my wife upstairs. I'm a 26-year-old man. FML
Today, I awoke to my husband donning a gorilla mask in the middle of the night. My kids have been staying in a tent out back for the past few nights, and have complained of a "monster" scaring them. I told them that it was their imagination. My husband says he gets a kick out of it. FML
Today, I ran into my infant daughter's room because I thought I heard her crying, and found she was still sound asleep in her crib. The screams were coming from the mouse our cat was using to paint her bedroom walls. FML
Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunderstorm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of my newborn screaming. I frantically hopped out of bed and stumbled into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of my five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfeed her understandably frustrated little brother. FML
Today, my four-year-old daughter started screaming and lashing out at me as I was getting her ready for a bath. It seems my idiot husband told her she was still small enough to be feasted on by the "drain monster". FML
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Top comments
ceddyz17 10
a badger? is she that hairy
Awahso 25
Wow, self esteem boost for her
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Comments (182)
j_cat187 19
maby u should find a badger and keep it as a pet.
Krajjan 9
Being mistaken for a badger is insulting. Now, being called a wolverine is awesome. Those things are little terror engines.
livin_plur 0
where the hell did u even get the idea that it was a badger? as far as I know it's not really common for a badger to crawl into someones house in general rather than in your bed lol
dolphincheddar 10
if I was your husband you'd be sleeping on the couch tomorrow night
littlemissFYL 5
i think we can all come to the conclusion that you are a very love mother. :)
dcam13 19
is she that ugly? lol fyls... also why would your first assumption be a badger? didn't know Washington was so weird.
ILoveEmoes 9
#70 I bet the daughter will be teased for it xD Being mistaken for a badger by your own mother...
MissBrainDamage 0
Wow you guys are excellent parents - aren't you?
mandalore92 0
68 If i were the husband I would be making her sleep on the couch
Saint_Pete_Saint 0
chewbaca! lol jk nvm
luvyah 0
ur pic is hot
FML102938 8
Honey badger don't care
ceddyz17 10
a badger? is she that hairy
ydi_4_suking 20
poor ugly hairy little girl. but a badger. really OP? if i see an animal in my room at that time, the more reasonable thought is a dog got in here maybe a big cat. but a badger?
lucas755 1
"with her blanket"
skidoo800HO 2
Well at least the parents won't gave to worry about boys being all over their daughter when she is older... unless chewbaca's kid finds her
ChibiGirl5 0
he was probably having a dream
gomie 0
Thats hilarious
Awahso 25
Wow, self esteem boost for her
Adamantoise 0
She's 4 anyway. she's probably just freaking out.
Aerious 0
OP should wait for when the kid's a teenager; she'd get her revenge.
overthelimit 3
at least shes young and doesnt understand. hopefully she never finds out c:
emmy1794 3
wat does OP mean. I'm new ??
360XBOXFTW 0
orange peel
aRedditorette 3
http://lmgtfy.com/?q=what+does+OP+mean
TheFection 0
look it up Sherlock.
ceddyz17 10
haha a ******? lol
aRedditorette 3
hahahahaha poor daughter
grafixxx687 0
hahahaha this is a funny fml...ur husband is funny for screaming about sth he doesnt even know lol
Pizzamaster 0
How the **** did a badger come to mind? I dont even know what that is
meg353 0
lol
damnsparky 3
look up nasty ass honey badger on YouTube and that's where she found it
RomanBeauty 0
Even FML team can't get their story posted :( sorry Alan, one day!
idkhaha 4
If OP is from Wisconsin she would know what a badger is.
CockRocket 0
This would've been 10times better if it happened during Intercourse.
maphineRAWRS 10
of course you would think that, sir 'cockrocket'
rachelmacivor 0
WIN
ejejeje 0
this is the funniest thing I've read all day!!!!! hahhahahhaa.
kathcduri 3
same here! :P made me lol.
Radek18 0
No comment... like seriously... why? just no...
papaya_master 4
If you have no comment, why did you bother typing anything in here in the first place?
notbanned69 0
You're both idiots and your husband's a pussy. Are you sure he fathered a kid?
technicolourain1 0
lol
fthku 13
Apparently he fathered a badger, so no?