Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Devastated, I told my dad about it, hoping he'd help cheer me up. His advice was, "Just rub one out son, you'll feel better in no time." Thanks dad. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad told me to take my stress out by getting a girlfriend. My mom laughed and said, "No that won't work, just go jack off in the shower again." FML
Today, I confided to my dad that my girlfriend had dumped me for another guy. He said, "Good" and explained that given how overpopulated the planet is, he's actually disappointed that I'm not gay. His advice was, "Just wank it off and move on." FML
Today, I came home crying after my boyfriend dumped me for another girl. My dad told me to come tell him what was wrong. I sat down and let it all out, after which he looked up from his book, into my eyes, and gave me his loving advice: "Just cry about it and move on to another bastard." FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me by canceling our relationship status on Facebook. I commented in disbelief, only for my dad to reply, "#rekt", then, "But seriously, about time. She's gonna give your balls back, right?" Thanks for the support. FML
Today, after being dumped by my boyfriend of two years, I poured my heart out to my dad. He nodded and looked sympathetic throughout. Afterwards, I asked him what I should do. He replied, "How the hell should I know?" and awkwardly left my room. FML
Today, I was feeling down following a recent breakup. My dad tried to comfort me by patting me on the back and saying everyone goes through ups and downs, "Like when I found out your mum and I were having a boy." I'm their only son. FML
Today, my dad walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. His only reaction was to mutter, "Put some back into it, son." before awkwardly sidling out. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I broke up after three years. I came home and when my dad asked what was wrong, I told him. His first reaction was, "Well damn it. Who'll go fishing with me now?" FML
Today, my boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me. I was crying for over an hour in my room. My dad came in and asked what was wrong. Just as I was about to tell him, he stops me and simply says, "Oh, honey. I don't care… Just keep the noise down." Then walks out. FML
Today, days after I broke up with my girlfriend, my dad tried to make her feel better by inviting her to our family BBQ next weekend. FML
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Top comments
izzybd 20
Way to rub it in, Dad
Michael903 18
He's just jerking your chain...
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Comments (53)
izzybd 20
Way to rub it in, Dad
michaelaranda 28
Hey, OPs dad handled it better than others parents might have. when my first girlfriend broke up with me, my dad said things like good for her, she probably feels great, and son, she was probably the only hot girl you were ever gonna get, dont be mad you lost her, be happy you kept her for this long.
FMLkoala 28
#21 that should be an FML
Verota 6
Yea, he's just trying to help. Masturbation is a cure-all.
nyctophobia 5
wasn't funny.
randomcrazyguy 17
This is why I have no emotions
712sash 26
That must have been awkward.
ThankYouGoodbye 14
First!!!! Also, rubbing does help if you're itching.
leonchen7498 12
third**
Michael903 18
He's just jerking your chain...
cricketsins 36
Depending on your age, this could be sound advice.
TRaww21 14
I think how long they were together would be more of a factor than his age.
glabberfasted 16
8 - I wouldn't think that would be a factor at all. You can be completely in love with someone for a long time before actually "being with" them as a couple. And someone can mean the world to you even if you've only known them a short time.
FMLcommenterer 13
Good advice.
Deverz 10
I agree. Perfect advice
a_wiener_d0g 15
Not bad advice
koalabear_55 11
It'll get better OP don't worry :) it hurts right now but trust me eventually you will find the girl who is perfect for you and will love you for who you are. In the mean time, try spending most of your free time with friends and family to keep your mind off of her. Good luck OP :)
The_Big_Boss 20
Why lie to him? It's a possibility he'll never find the "right" girl. Many men don't.
shyeahh_fml 19
My "right" girl is my right hand.
rmoss78 10
@shyeahh: I'm a lefty
Gremlinek 16
Some of us just got to the point we don't care. If something comes along then it's ok but if it doesn't then there is always rubbing one off (or paid escorts).
olpally 33
Not as easy as your dad thinks it is. Sorry for the heartbreaking experience op.
shyeahh_fml 19
I'm sure his dad has more experience than he does.
psycheiris13 20
I'm sorry OP. Things will get better with time. People sometimes have trouble finding words to say to people in times of need.
TacoTruckOwner 6
Oh cum on, that's great advice!