Today, I found out what a lightweight my girlfriend is. After having a couple of drinks, she began flirting, then grabbed my ass. She felt around a bit before freaking out and asking where my penis was. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my cock over my jeans and said, "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML
Today, I finally got intimate with the girl I like. As I started lifting her shirt, she stuck her hand down my pants and grabbed my junk. She immediately stopped what she was doing, snickered, and calmly said, "Take me home." FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML
Today, as I was about to meet my girlfriend's parents, she thought it would be funny to grab my junk and give me a hard-on right before they walked in. I couldn't hide it quickly enough. FML
Today, I went to a birthday party at my girlfriend's house. When her little brother was about to blow out the candles, I slipped my hand into her sister's back pocket and squeezed her ass, thinking it was my girlfriend. She freaked out, and now her family thinks I'm a pervert. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me that last night after I got drunk, I passed out mid-pump while we were knocking boots. FML
Today, while I was hanging out with a cute girl, I slapped her ass playfully. She told me that she was going to get me back. She slapped my ass later that night unexpectedly while I was holding in a huge fart... It came out. FML
Today, me and my girlfriend were heading back to her place. On the way there, she was rubbing and stroking me. When we got there, I asked her mom for a congrats hug. I forgot I had a hard on from my girlfriend. She felt it. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were having a casual conversation, when the topic suddenly became my penis. Before I knew what was going on, she said, "It's not the size that matters though. It's how you use it. So I guess you're ok." FML
Today, I brought a girl home from a bar. Things were getting hot and heavy when she asked if I had a condom. I opened my wallet to grab the one I keep in there, only to find the empty wrapper in its place; it was the only one I had. It seems drunk me is a bigger jerk than I thought. FML
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Top comments
whythankyou 19
She must have been utterly shocked when you turned around and showed her your tail.
kjack49044 18
Disregard #1. They don't seem to realize she was feeling your ass.
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Comments (74)
kjack49044 18
Disregard #1. They don't seem to realize she was feeling your ass.
Welshite 39
Her beer goggles extend to anatomy.
timakinz 21
Witty
Michael903 18
Ah....alcohol. The great fml tool that keeps on giving again and again! Don't worry OP, she'll find it after she sobers up and you'll have a funny story!
Ytharr_Taaz 10
That's awkward af lol
laden_swallow09 34
Do you know what the word "awkward" means?
andrewturtle 16
#6 is a cat. Don't have such high expectations.
Ytharr_Taaz 10
Meow meow
cryssycakesx3 22
"awkward" is starting to get used like "literally"
6punkrock9 2
Whoever said you're cute as a kitten, lied to you
zsxwrsd 7
no its not
whythankyou 19
She must have been utterly shocked when you turned around and showed her your tail.
molliciousj 19
Haha! ^^^ Omg this girl needs a high five!
amason5995 4
Crazy clever, kudos girl, kudos.
worldclassrager 39
Assist her hand...that may help...or have less drinks...
paigexox0 37
Someone pointed out how much you use "..." And now thats all i notice whenever you comment
worldclassrager 39
Old habits die hard
molliciousj 19
Whoa, #51, you forgot something....
worldclassrager 39
Intentional...
skipper2009 18
The ol tuck and stuff! Yeah my husband does the same when I get frisky. He says I'm too rough :(
greekk 21
a tuck and stuff would mean she would have felt it on his ass lol, she was feeling his ass while looking for said penis.
molliciousj 19
Maybe he tucks it in his ass.
broski4 13
Well at least you know she's pure... For now
kumarina 35
Some people get honest drunk, she gets anatomy wrong drunk, doesn't mean she is a virgin....
reaxion 25
At least your girl, drunk off her ****, was doing those things to you instead of a random stranger. She proved her love for you right there. When she sobers up take good care of her and her hangover.
thomcmoore 23
You should've asked around for a second opinion.