Today, my dad walked in on me jacking off. He swore and told me to lock my door next time. Later on I heard him snickering and telling my mom that I "jack off real weird." FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
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Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML
Today, my dad walked in on me using the bathroom. After rushing out, he yelled at me through the door for not locking it. He made up the "no locking the doors inside the house" rule. FML
Today, my dad unlocked the bathroom door and barged in without warning only to catch me, with no clothes on, masturbating. He said, "sorry" but stayed for another 20 seconds to look for his shampoo. FML
Today, my dad walked in on me jerking off. It wouldn’t have been so bad if I wasn’t Skyping my boyfriend, while both of us were totally naked. I had just told him to “put those toes in your mouth and I’ll cum like you’ve never seen before”. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom's boyfriend jacking off. The worst part was that he didn't stop. FML
Today, I started watching porn in my room with the volume muted. A minute later, my dad knocked on the door, so I closed everything and called him in. He just said, "Son, you disgust me." and walked out. Now I'm too paranoid to use my own computer. FML
Today, I walked in on my parents having sex. In my room. FML
Today, after a shower, my dad jokingly asked if I was jacking off in the shower because I was taking a long time. Before I could respond, my mom chimed in with, "No, he does it before he showers, haven't you noticed how he locks himself in his room?" She was right on the money. FML
Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh, I had an itch…" FML
Today, for the third time since breakfast, I accidentally walked in on my father wanking. FML
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Top comments
macystar 14
I think it's a little more weird that your parents are discussing your jacking off skills.
fylsinceydi 2
How do you jack off weird?
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Comments (131)
fylsinceydi 2
How do you jack off weird?
\ 28
By doing it to My Little Pony cartoons :)
JMichael 25
Instead of jerking he fingers.
CallMeMcFeelii 13
Flicking the bean stalk eh?
_sempiternus 11
Different strokes for different folks.
iknowiwantyou 13
28, you look like a brunette Taylor Swift.
CallMeMcFeelii 13
You look like a coke ***** who likes to dance, 33! I will admit though, you got some moves.
Magical_Guava 6
38-You probably already know this but her picture is a character from "Pulp Fiction".
CallMeMcFeelii 13
Ah mods.. Take this one as well, please. I didn't realize mine was deleted until I already commented..
iAlissa 34
16, are you speaking from experience?
JMichael 25
48- yes. Yes he is.
184886837272837 32
I believe #16 was referring to a previous fml. In which someone walked in on their brother whacking off to My Little Pony
awkwardloveannie 28
with his feet
CallMeMcFeelii 13
I was thinking OP was doing something even goofier than that, 63. Like uh, maybe trying to pull of a pile driver on his own. Squatting, pointing his dick towards the ground and half jump plowing into a little hole he made with both hands. Just something completely ******* ridiculous. If I saw my son attempting a move like that, every single girlfriend he's ever had would hear that story. Haha.
awkwardloveannie 28
or maybe he wore a wig and lipstick drew a face on his member named it and was calling it a dirty *****..
SlapAndTickle 20
He could have been doing the "firestarter" maneuver.
EternalRest 5
#69 what kind of messed up **** do you watch?
raytyler26 16
That was VERY descriptive. Hahahaha
challan 19
they don't call him mcfeeli for nothing.
skilova4lifezzz 19
Dammit OP, it's either Pamela Handerson, or Miss Palmer; not both at the same time.
macystar 14
I think it's a little more weird that your parents are discussing your jacking off skills.
michaelaranda 28
his dads just making a comment, they aren't discussing it.
NotAddictive 6
At least they laugh about it, I've heard of some parents who sent their kids to church camp because they got caught jacking off...OP's lucky they didn't freak haha
macystar 14
It's still a little odd. But it could be worse!
frozenfreeze 5
#25, you're right, it could've been a lot worse. OP's dad could've gone and brought his mom in the room too to experience firsthand how "weird" OP does it!
\ 28
There was also an FML detailing how OP's mom always recites Bible verses to him after she caught him jacking off...
Magical_Guava 6
Remember the South Park episode where Butters got sent to gay camp were the motto was "Pray the gay away" and when he visited some of the rooms the students attending had killed themselves. Or am I on the only person that remembers that whole episode off hand. And the Awesome-O episode.
aingeal_23 8
As a (newer) parent myself, everything your kids do gets discussed. Makes me wonder about the discussions my parents must've had about the shit I did as a kid...
Bojack_fml 10
Take this as a sign to up your technique
iknowiwantyou 13
I think OP should ask his dad for some tips since his dad must be a "pro" at it.
Edumcg 24
How do you improve your "technique"? the only thing I can imagine is screaming...... well some candels would be fine, lol idk.
iknowiwantyou 13
*candles
\ 28
Your comment meshes with your username so well. Sounds so DBZ-related
daesung 8
Haha. He was paying close attention o.O
cyttex 13
Yeah I know, I mean how long do you have to watch someone wank to know they do it "weird".
flockz 19
as long as it feels good enough for you, who cares how you do the five knuckle shuffle?
macystar 14
Best term for masturbation I've ever heard.
SgtAssCheeks 21
five knuckle shuffle... ... I'll have to keep that term in note. That was great.
RoboCunnilingus 23
#5- I'll never look at John Cena the same way again.
Oley 27
Lol!!! Wow! I will not either, now that I've read your comment # 5 Haha!
MelTheGreat 23
Is that like the dougie?
flockz 19
more like polishing a rifle.
skilova4lifezzz 19
#8 I prefer dishonourable discharge..
ratman775 27
Or polishing his wand.
zgomon 10
Were you experimenting with your other hand?
tigerisabelle 31
My question is why does your dad even care?
Edumcg 24
Probably because he wants grandchildren. And if his son jerks off weird well.... you can imagine.
Rainhawk94 27
I don't want to
pandarammer 7
What does jacking off even have to do with grandchildren?
skilova4lifezzz 19
If you jack off too much it affects relationships and therefore you will not have children or grandchildren
Edumcg 24
There are some people that like to hang themselves while jacking off (for me that's weird) and maybe.. well I guess I got out of the topic.
lonelyguy1995 5
#110 That was the silliest thing I have ever read and believe me when I tell you I've read some dumb shit
figures101 5
Tell him it only looked weird to him because you have to use your whole hand to grab it, and since he only needs two fingers he just wouldn't understand, walk away and laugh maniacally.
hobojo69 23
I think everyone jacks of weird cuz like jacking off is weird, fun but weird lol
Welshite 39
I think my IQ just dropped several points by reading that.
eddeeezzyy 19
Lol 10, what drug are you on today?
skilova4lifezzz 19
He's just high on himself.
theMISSFOXX 10
It's a natural thing to do its not weird. I don't know where you have been, but masturbating has been going on for thousands of years.
MysticMonkey 9
Lol a very strange thing to say. Pass the butter and by the way our son jacks off weird. Why was he even looking?
Comet_Candy 23
That's what I'm wondering... OP's dad is a weirdo.
invision1994 0
Maybe OP jacks off in a way that is actually weird? If I walked in to my son masturbatig while hanging upside down from the ceiling and watching a dolphin ********** with a decapitated fish, I'd be pretty weirded out, too.
diego_lopez 6
GAYYYYYY