Today, I had to feed an elderly man in the care home in which I work while he was whacking off. Our work policy states that I have to pretend not to notice. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I went over to talk to my boss. I must have snuck up on her because she was masturbating through her pants. She stopped and I had to chat away, pretending I didn't notice. FML
Today, at work, the security threw out an old man in his 80s who had been caught masturbating while hiding in the ladies' changing room. I thought it was funny until my manager told me to clean up that very same changing room with the old man spunk all over the wall and floor. FML
Today, I visited my sick grandpa for a few hours in the hospital. His roommate, also an elderly man, wouldn't stop masturbating. FML
Today, I put on some goggles on in the pool, only to go underwater and see an old man "discreetly" jerking it. FML
Today, the mentally-challenged teen who sometimes comes into my restaurant gave me a hug as usual. I thought it was sweet, until a coworker let me know he immediately goes and jacks off in the bathroom after. FML
Today, I walked into the restroom at work, only to find my boss stroking and playing with himself. I have my annual performance assessment with him in an hour. FML
Today, while working at a nursing home, I was alone in the station and figured I could sneak one out. It wound up being very loud, and I could hear the faint snickering of a patient in the next room. Every time he saw me for the rest of the day he would burst out laughing. FML
Today, I heard a man pleasuring himself in the stall next to me during my post lunch deuce. I was washing my hands when my boss walked out of the stall. I can no longer look at him in the face. FML
Today, I was accused of masturbating during work. I was actually just getting something out of my pocket. FML
Today, I have been having to work in a residence of people with disabilities when I normally do community work with disabled people and usually enjoy it. I have seen not one, but two elderly mens' genitals today when my actual job would never require me to see any. I didn’t sign up for this. FML
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Top comments
_GoodGuy 11
Can't wait to reach old age, I can do anything I want ;)
crazytwinsmom 25
I would think he'd be able to feed himself if he can whack off.
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Comments (122)
mpsteve137 15
Well it's his fault if he gets some in the food. Yikes
_GoodGuy 11
Can't wait to reach old age, I can do anything I want ;)
TheDrifter 23
Like whack off to the cute nurse feeding you and blame it on dementia.
perdix 29
#2, it's great, I tell ya! I put my hands on ladies' boobies all the time. They slap me and I start crying, "I'm an old man, I'm confused!" My weeping has become so wrenching, that many of them take my hands and put them back on their boobies to stop my tears. Golden years, indeed!
ebonyirony 29
Oh perdix you're still here??
ajh557 22
Cum on op, that's a dumb policy and you know it. Say something like sir stop whacking it
BntyHntrSeattle 30
What I don't get is that it sounds as if he continued to play with himself even after the OP walked in. That's one disgustingly brazen, old, saggy dude.
iluvpeanutbutter 22
17- re-read the FML. That is exactly what happened. If he's in a care home, he may have dementia, so his behaviour would be a bit more understandable.
BntyHntrSeattle 30
And that's my query: who the **** does that??
BntyHntrSeattle 30
Edits drive me crazy. Your added sensitivity makes me look like an asshole...
starile 19
Correction: your asshole-ness makes you look like an asshole.
ajh557 22
What I don't get is why you used my comment to get your point across, get your own space
crazytwinsmom 25
I would think he'd be able to feed himself if he can whack off.
crazytwinsmom 25
If it's a whopper. But, the 2 tasks could be done at different times.
Dracoboxer357 35
4- Can and will are two different categories. My Grandma is mentally in a similar state, and while she has the physical dexterity to feed herself, if we don't feed her, she won't eat at all as she always believes she just ate a full course meal. And at 70 lbs, she can't afford to miss too many of those meals.
GBPH12 5
Thats pretty absurd, nobody should have to watch some one else pleasure themself....
TypeBbitch 15
It's fine if it's a consensual act between two people, but yeah that's a messed up policy. OP should have at least gotten a male caretaker to take her place.
Snowkeys 11
Now op knows why his family doesn't visit during feeding time
myeviltwin 20
How would that be better?
AngelSpit 18
pay no attention to the man jerking off behind the curtain
BntyHntrSeattle 30
Tell the policy to jerk off.
redfishbluefish2 13
I find it funny that there is a policy for it to begin with.
RedPillSucks 31
Just come back (no pun intended) when he's done. How long can he go on for???
CallMeMcFeelii 13
He can probably go on for hours. Reminds me of the saying, there's no point in beating a dead horse. Good luck getting that mental image out of your mind. :)
RedPillSucks 31
Argh!!!!!!! I wouldn't have thought anything about it if you hadn't added that last bit.
FlyingLeumer 19
I'll get the bleach
Wakachulak 22
Man, I hope I get into that home when I'm old enough!
perdix 29
Is his dick aimed at his plate? He'll learn not to multitask when the moment of truth cums.
IloveToLaugh143 21
I was thinking the same thing. Se-men, can be really disgusting at times.
WompWompWomp123 7
Sneak into his dresser and take away the Viagara. Good luck.