Today, I heard my boyfriend making the same noises while cleaning out his ears as the ones he makes whenever we have sex. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I realized my boyfriend makes the same noises in bed as he does when he's winning in Call of Duty. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting it on. At one point, he started to kiss my ear. Then, he stopped, went into the bathroom, and came out with about four Q-tips. He then said to me, "Just take care of your ears, then I'll continue." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He decided to make gun sound effects as he came. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I heard my parents going at it upstairs. He said, "sounds like they're having more fun than we did." To make it worse, he crept to their door and put his ear to it, telling me what he heard. FML
Today, I noticed my husband makes better sex sounds on the toilet then he does with me. FML
Today, I said to my boyfriend that he makes the same noises when he smells bacon as he does when we have sex. Now everytime we have sex, he whispers "Bacon..." in my ear. FML
Today, I was having sex with my new boyfriend, and I realized that he enjoys making airplane sound effects while inserting himself inside of me. Moment ruined. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, my boyfriend found out it makes a funny fart sound when he blows hard into my mouth in the middle of making out. I can't get him to stop doing it every time we kiss. FML
Today, I heard my boyfriend masturbate next to me and then relieves himself on my bed sheets. FML
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Top comments
grahmagog 14
Clean your ears more often and you'll understand why
ManInTheMachine 20
Sounds like he found his q-spot.
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Comments (89)
grahmagog 14
Clean your ears more often and you'll understand why
Pesticides 19
with warm water. best feeling ever getting that gunk out
Wizardo 34
Try this, get a small, squeezable bottle (eyedrop bottle for example). 1) Warm some oil and pour it in the bottle. 2) Squeeze some into each ear and block your ears with some cotton balls and go to sleep. 3) Recoil in horror in the morning when you remove the cotton balls and examine how much ear wax has been removed from your ears. You're welcome, trust me it works and its not for the squeamish.
Enslaved 38
Blah! I'm picturing "Shrek" pulling wax out of his ear to make a candle stick. :P
Wizardo 34
I have no idea what all these numbers mean, it must be an American thing? But as a normal person I would use olive oil :/
roro_superloser 13
Best way for a eargasm. ;-)
guitarbeast 22
Wrong, listening to Pink Floyd is the best way for an eargasm
gameofthrones_fml 12
#48 more like a braingasm
Virtual_BS 13
#48: That's Bullshit, #3 is right.
KBurns207 17
We don't all already do that?
perdix 31
It's all swabbing, isn't it, though?
Pleonasm 36
Mind your own ear wax.
ManInTheMachine 20
Sounds like he found his q-spot.
BntyHntrSeattle 30
I sense you're greeeen..... with envy.
BntyHntrSeattle 30
Sorry for the shitty comment, I'm watching an ear-y program on TV that messed up my head.
CocaColaPepsi 13
Maybe he's finds a lot of pleasure in cleaning his ears?
rg350dx 29
Nothing like some good aural sex.
imaginaryvoice 18
I don't blame him. That shit is magical