Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She'd walked in on me jerking off, which she said is exactly the same as cheating on her. FML
Today, I went to work leaving my girlfriend asleep in my bed. Later she calls me, demanding to know how long I've been cheating on her. We don't use condoms but she found several in the bin when she decided to empty it. I had to explain while my colleagues listened that I use them to masturbate. FML
Today, after a huge fight, my girlfriend started coming onto me. I thought it was actual make-up sex and went along with it. It was great, until she suddenly shoved me off her just as I was almost ready to come. She smugly announced she was dumping me, got dressed, then left. FML
Today, my girlfriend sent me a revenge video of her having sex with another guy, because I cheated on her. I got angry with her, but later used the video to masturbate. FML
Today, I walked in on my girlfriend having sex with another man. Her main reaction was to get mad at me for not knocking. FML
Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend masturbating beside me. I asked if she needed a hand. She called me a pervert and now won't speak to me. FML
Today, I started coming on to my girlfriend, only to get a nasty rejection. I told her I would just go jerk off, to which she replied, "Don't you dare!" FML
Today, my girlfriend got pissed because she thought she heard me masturbating in the bathroom. I was brushing my teeth. FML
Today, I tried coming on to my fiancé. He just pushed me off and got out of bed, saying he wasn't in the mood. A half hour later, I caught him jerking off to several windows of porn. FML
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Top comments
Saone_fml 27
So much for trying to please her... Next time she makes dinner, scream at her that she's cheating on you and practicing cooking for someone else.
cuponoodles34 10
does she really trust you so little???
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Comments (103)
Applejacks18 15
That's a sticky situation right there
sarah6786 14
In no way was that a pun.
asnakelovinbabe 16
It's also one of the easiest ways to end up with surprise babies! The sperm left in his pipes from his handy-work can end up impregnating her during foreplay if he hasn't put a condom on before even touching her, which, many people don't necessarily put it on right away.
Llama_Face89 33
1- ...I hate you.
cuponoodles34 10
does she really trust you so little???
lilhellian 26
No trust, no relationship...
Airman1988 9
I think his women just has a bad case of stupid it has really been going around lately.
rangerPat 12
Woman* -- If you're going to insult someone for being stupid, don't make a stupid mistake.
honeybadgerDG2S 2
It's because he didn't let her go to the sleep over.
Shoot_A_Glock 6
I got it
Airman1988 9
Actually 41 the E is very close to the A on my tiny phone touchscreen, it was merely a typo.
natsaysheyyy 16
That's what you get for trying to make her happy? Wow. I'd be overjoyed instead of a paranoid bitch.
Nicholi124 10
Longer than ten minutes I would think that she would be happy because nothing more upsets a girl than a guy coming up short!
Saone_fml 27
So much for trying to please her... Next time she makes dinner, scream at her that she's cheating on you and practicing cooking for someone else.
jarrettd 27
Don't you EVER try to make your girlfriend happy op. What were you thinking?
seeoseek 18
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
HAHAHAHA see what you get for spanking it! You father told you that you would go blind! Bet you didn't see that one cumming!!
isallwaysme 27
You resemble Meryl from the walking dead- just a tad though. Maybe its something to do with the facial hair
Catkam623 27
My god, he does. Sir you are an ass and cutting your arm off is probably the most useful thing you've ever done.
ohcoolstorybro 14
Did you try and cum to terms with her?
zandalee 19
Wow. Why on earth are you with someone who doesn't trust you at all?
Catkam623 27
Maybe she's hot?
supportcommand 17
At the very least we know she puts out.
zandalee 19
Thanks for that giggle guys! I needed that!! :)
jarrettd 27
Well played car.
Catkam623 27
Cat? Or are you referring to my baby either one works.
shadawnnn 7
Practicing ****
Uhscanherdarklee 10
No good deed goes unpunished...
Nydeira 11
She's guilty!
eaglerob 20
Just fake it next time you're giving her the business end of your stick, my friend