Today, after two weeks of not having sex, my pregnant girlfriend and I finally fooled around. This was immediately followed by her bursting into tears and begging me to make her a ham steak. FML
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Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. We haven't had sex yet. FML
Today, my fiancée, who believes in "sex after marriage" like me, told me she was pregnant. FML
Today, my pregnant wife suggested we have fun tonight since we haven't had sex in three months. She also said we'll be having waffles and sausage. I'm actually more excited about the food than the sex. FML
Today, a few weeks after my ex dumped me and I'd just started to get over it, she asked me to get her pregnant. We had sex once within the year we were dating. FML
Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML
Today, my ex told me she got pregnant from when I was comforting her when her mother died. We were still friends, so I went to her house and held her while she cried. One thing led to another and we began fucking like rabbits. I was gonna propose to my girlfriend next month. FML
Today, I got a text from my girlfriend. After only having sex once, where I wore a condom and didn't even get to come, she says that she's pregnant. FML
Today, I tried to get my wife to have sex with me, she told me she couldn't because she had her period. She's two months pregnant. FML
Today, after years of my wife having almost no sex drive, and always insisting on using protection, she suddenly craves unprotected sex like an alcoholic craves booze. I went through her phone and learned why. Yup, she's pregnant, cheated on me since day one, and her scummy side dick skipped town. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 1 month came over and told me she wanted to talk to me. We sat down on the couch and she told me she was pregnant and that it was mine. I reminded her that we've never slept together. FML
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Top comments
Sfaizi24 17
MAKE HER A HAM STEAK
Jeffo193 13
If she's pregnant, you're going to be doing a lot of this stuff. A friend of mine craved pickled gerkhins (dill pickles) dipped in ice cream when she was pregnant, and burst into tears when she smelled a bad smell...
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Comments (179)
howdeedoo 22
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Hey, at least you got laid
imaginaryvoice 18
"Why do I need to make you one when I have one right here?"
sux4u121 10
11, "why do I need to reply to #1 when I would still be on the first page"
howdeedoo 22
17-She thought that the reception to her comment would be greatly improved when compared to my atrocious comment
xXHollowIchigoXx 17
No, she meant to reply to the comment under this one. It must've ended up here somehow. It happens a lot to me.
lilmisslovely13 15
No, he didnt
superrocket19 17
You sir, #1, are what we call delinquiets
DaDezza244 31
Did you mean Delinquent? #53
Pretty_reckless_fml 18
Big mis-steak there OP!
sarah6786 14
#94- A delinquiet is a quietly mischievous person.
conqueror57 11
40, Unless she is pregnant with someone else's child, he most certainly got laid.
santashugebag 6
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Well then make her a ham steak and when you present it to her start crying and drop it and say all you want is a sandwich
happle 21
I wish this made sense.
superrocket19 17
How did you manage to come up with such a magnificent, so original comment? (You are probably as dummy as #1. Making nonsensical comments
HowAreYouToday 34
My dear SuperRocket, know that whole the comments were not good, your replies have made you seem like a larger moron than someone who believes that gravity is a figment of our imagination.
dontpanic_fml 32
Dear goodness, please stop superrocket19.
dontpanic_fml 32
Now that comment 69 shows up for me, I see that we have entered Inception-level correction fails...I can't handle this any more
sleepywaterpony 5
We can start with how "as dummy" is not even close to proper English.
_krystallynn_ 11
wtf. this comment made perfect sense to me. i dont understand how this got thumbed down. and now im probably going to get thumbed down, for 'daring to question the judgment of other FMLers'
melody309 35
Well 110, maybe if you didn't leave such bitchy comments, you wouldn't get thumbed down so much.
alitbaby 14
how dare you. never question them.
sens3sfailing 24
I'm pretty sure it didn't make sense like it wouldn't make any sense to do because its doing something nice just to destroy it in front of them to be a prick. The women is pregers damn it!
Jeffo193 13
If she's pregnant, you're going to be doing a lot of this stuff. A friend of mine craved pickled gerkhins (dill pickles) dipped in ice cream when she was pregnant, and burst into tears when she smelled a bad smell...
zandalee 19
Jeez OP it is going to be a very long pregnancy for you and your lady if all you are going to do is whine. Stop being such a baby and go treat her with some love and attention.
dmoran20 27
Yeah my friends wife used to take McDonald's French fries and dip them in a Wendy's frosty (ice cream) the bad part was each restaurant was 30 mins away from the other and she had those cravings 3 to 4 times a week. Good luck OP, in the end with will be well worth it!
conqueror57 11
As a friend of mine, husband to a pregnant wife, once said, "You send us to a different state for cookies, but what you don't know is we're glad to go because it gets us away from you for a few hours."
Jeffo193 13
As a man, I'm of the opinion that the men aren't the ones forcing a human being out of their body, so dealing with random emotions and weird food requests are a small price to pay.
GTAmax99 12
Nothing like a good ol' ham steak after sex!
JFurr 9
She didn't need ham and steak. All she's been craving was some meat.
ICastillo 24
What about a bacon sand which after sex?!? Huh that would be a dream come true...
Misaki18 17
Sand which... Oh dear.
Sammitheshit 10
Ha. Bacon? Thought it was ham steak ..
ICastillo 24
Oh deer. I'm sorry #43 I meant *sandwich. I apologize for making that simple error..
20PercentCooler 8
#70 ... *dear
ICastillo 24
#72 I know. I was messing with the other person who corrected my earlier mistake by making a mistake with........oh never mind. Just feel good about yourself correcting me. *shakes head*
Sfaizi24 17
MAKE HER A HAM STEAK
zandalee 19
...For the love of God!!!!!
BryanThaMan 14
three meat treat? ham, steak, and, well...
itsame0987 18
Not really a fyl or a fhl. Cravings and mood swings are normal with pregnancy. Just be a good boyfriend and be there for her, and get her the foods she craves.
Abantiquo 7
Who knows..doing more caring might get you more action. She'll feel better about life if she feels loved. You two sound young; she's probably panicking that she's going to be fat and unlovable so keep letting her know she's gorgeous.
_krystallynn_ 11
its going to be a very emotional 9 months for them.
eddeeezzyy 19
OP, when a girl is pregnant, she's usually a lot more emotional than ever. Do what she wants...girls go through a lot during pregnancy :/
FFML_314 11
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Do what she wants? What is he a dog? Being pregnant doesn't give a woman an excuse to be demanding. OP, FYL for sure.
eddeeezzyy 19
So, 91, you're telling me that when you're pregnant and have to go through all this shit, that you wouldn't want your husband to make you something to eat, do some of the chores around the house, or even give you a massage, etc? Ha, good luck getting around.
FFML_314 11
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
No, what I'm saying is, when I get pregnant, it will be with the man I love, my husband, my partner and my best friend. Not my lap dog, to boss around. Being a parent is an equal partnership. That's not to say that pregnancy isn't difficult, but I also know that most women milk it for all it's worth and use their pregnancy as an excuse for everything.
missyj0 12
I'm sure 99s opinion will be very different when she actually experiences pregnancy, lol.
FFML_314 11
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
No, actually it won't.
missyj0 12
it's always amusing to hear people make statements on experiences they've never even been through.
defrog88 4
I thought that way too, until I got pregnant and the hormones took over. Pregnancy can really change some woman into things they were not before. Until you actually have been pregnant, you honestly can't say how you will act. The surge of new hormones can make woman crazy.
FFML_314 11
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Well, considering that I have, in fact, been pregnant, I think it's safe to say that I'm well within my right to give my opinion. Also, you can't hear my opinion, you can read it.
leogirl95 12
What happened then? Decide you were too young?
Sinkhole 26
113 - Considering the dictionary also defines 'hear' as "Be told or informed of" and "Be aware of; know of the existence of", I would say she can definitely hear your opinion.
FFML_314 11
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Yes, let's assume that I had an abortion, simply because my opinion is different from yours. I could care less what type of opinion anyone may form on me, let alone someone I don't know. I have carried a child to full term. I know exactly what it's like to be pregnant and I also know that many (not all) women milk their pregnancies to get sympathy and attention. I am fully capable of taking care of myself, pregnant or not. If I want something or need something, I'm an adult and am capable of asking. I also understand that when you're pregnant, emotions can get the best of you and you can cry at random times or feel insecure. I won't bend at my own opinion, simply because others want me too. I've studied psychology for years, not to mention my mother herself, is a psychologist. In general, people will naturally seek more attention when they're given a reason too. You're pregnant, so it gives you the right to demand something from the person that's going to be taking 1/2 the responsibility for the child you're giving birth too? That definitely seems rational. Women have been carrying children since people were around. They've also been carrying children, as well as still handling all other responsibilities in life. Some women have no choice but to do it on their own. There's no reason you "can't" do it. If you want to be a nagging, bitchy, rude and demanding pregnant woman, then that's your choice, but I will have an opinion. I've been around plenty of pregnant women, to know, (assuming it's one without complications) there's no excuse to act like an asshole. It's painful, it's stressful at times, your back is sore, your feet hurt, you get horrible cramps, heart burn, you gain weight, false labor can happen, you deal with preparing for it, bills and all the other things that come with starting a family, but it's not as if you're not FULLY aware of all these things, before you decide to lay down and get pregnant to begin with. Nobody else put you in that position, but you and the person you laid with. Not to mention, I think the pros far out weigh the cons. I know how much it sucks when someone may not think the same way you do. How dare I have a mind of my own!
missyj0 12
jesus gurl, ain't nobody got time fo' dat.
eddeeezzyy 19
Nice novel there, 116. Lol
gonaners16 4
Maybe you weren't demanding, snobby, cranky, b*tchy, whatever when you were pregnant... but you sure are now. Chill the heck out, it's the internet. Geez.
melody309 35
Well damn, maybe you weren't a bitch while you were pregnant, but you certainly are now. I mostly agree with you, but pregnancy can really change a person, and just because it supposedly didn't happen to you does not give you the right to judge other women
melody309 35
Well damn, maybe you weren't a bitch while you were pregnant, but you certainly are now. Pregnancy can really change a person, and just because it supposedly didn't happen to you does not give you the right to judge other women as milking it for all it's worth. Get off your high horse.
EpicSquishii 21
116 You're annoying, stop spamming FML with your life story every time someone disagrees with you. No one asked you for your autobiography or for your self-important attitude. Chill the **** out.
mousey119 4
I wasn't any of those things when I was pregnant, but I did however have to have other people doing a lot of things for me, I was throwing up until around 7pm everyday. So maybe some of these women have reasons for being how they are. Don't judge.
defrog88 4
Also given the fact that no two pregnancy are the same in some woman, you could maybe end up acting like that the next go around. Had a friend who's first pregnancy was perfect and then her next she was a crying sobbing mess for most of the 9 months.
happle 21
116- With all that suffering and stress, it sounds perfectly normal to be bitchy sometimes when you're pregnant. The intense pain from my period makes me grumpy and have mood swings, so I don't see any problem with someone who's pregnant to voice their frustration.
AwkwardPartyBear 24
"Damn it make me a ham steak! The baby wants it!
Xxblackice 13
this comment in conjunction with your profile pic makes it so much more funnier
_krystallynn_ 11
more funnier? you've got to be kidding me.
DomDomxoxo 16
Excuse me, but before being a bitch about every comment, try to correct your profile. Then you'd have a reason to criticize.
RainbowDashie140 12
117- Please change your profile so nobody ever has to suffer like I did while reading it.
RedD12 3
Why can't you bronies stay out of just one topic. You can go to google images and look up any random word no matter how dark, perverted, or just plain everyday stuff. And you guys will post a picture. Stop obsessing over a show meant to reach out to 7 year old girls.
AwkwardPartyBear 24
^No. We can't stay out of a topic. You can vent about bronies all you want but no one really cares except for you.
panicsdisaster 17
Apparently she wanted some real meat.
mb2_native 15
He's the other white meat
fdupagain 11
This actually made me laugh!
gigi03 5
I feel your pain.